Should I try to catch BF in a big lie or just let it go?

[TruBluGurl]

First, Shygirl1212, congrats on your 2 weeks! What you're doing is so incredibly hard and I wish you the best of luck staying away from him long enough for the emotions to fade. You KNOW you're doing the right thing and months from now - it WILL be better.

 

About this cyber-sexing, personal ad posting sleazebag - I am genuinely sorry you fell in love with him. You do not need to 'see' if he'll 'actually go through with it. You know you don't want someone who's claiming to love you posting personal ads to meet other women at all. You have all the proof you need all ready. Really.

 

He is not committed to you and your relationship. You've given it time and effort. It hasn't worked. Why? You'll never really know/understand. You can't. It's in his head and will stay there. Accepting that is so incredibly, terribly, horribly difficult I know. You need to start working on getting closer to the place where you can leave. Scared of being alone? Been there. Worried you won't meet someone better? Know that too. Want him to FEEL what he's done to you... I am so sorry, but from what I've read - for whatever reason - he doesn't care. I understand that you need to KNOW that before you move on. But from what I see - the proof is there now. You just don't want to accept it because it's too difficult. If there's a part of you that just wants to 'prove' you're right, he's wrong - let that go. He doesn't care if he's wrong. And never will. I wish I could think of ways for you to move closer to a 'leaving' point that don't involve stalking but seeking counselling for self-esteem sounds so lame and I don't know you well enough to say what would work for YOU. Consulting a professional is ok you know - if there's anything free in your area. It doesn't mean you're crazy or weird. It won't be a magic pill but it may plant a seed that could gradually grow to give you, individually, what you need to pull out. Even a woman’s group? I tried one.. it was better than I thought.

 

Whatever you think will help you gather the 'proof' you need to leave ( that isn't illegal or put you in harms way ) I would get busy doing it. Sounds like it could take a long time so the sooner you start preparing your heart, the sooner it will be ready. Prayers and hugs, TBG

[ycmanvs]

Run, run as far away as possible. I have been in this situation more than once. The guys never change. After 8 years, you guys should be living together, or married. He is obviously keeping his options open and looking for someone else. just end it. You don't even have to tell him why. You can tell him that you finally realised that he is not the guy for you.

[xrayspex]

You say you don't want to enrage him, does he have an anger issue as well? Is this why you stayed with him thus far?

 

He has occasionally had anger issues. He's never laid a hand on me but he's broken stuff before.

 

His birthday is Saturday. Would it be horrible to just give him the heave ho for his birthday? I'm actually sitting here laughing thinking about it. My first smile of the day. I'm sure he expects money ... instead should I give him the boot? "Here are some new boots honey, in your * * * * !"

 

I know he doesn't care, he probably never did. If I can get myself not to care anymore I'll be good to go.

[ycmanvs]

He has occasionally had anger issues. He's never laid a hand on me but he's broken stuff before.

 

His birthday is Saturday. Would it be horrible to just give him the heave ho for his birthday? I'm actually sitting here laughing thinking about it. My first smile of the day. I'm sure he expects money ... instead should I give him the boot? "Here are some new boots honey, in your * * * * !"

 

I know he doesn't care, he probably never did. If I can get myself not to care anymore I'll be good to go.

 

You do not need to see him or do anything for his birthday. You can end it today.

[xrayspex]

Run, run as far away as possible. I have been in this situation more than once. The guys never change. After 8 years, you guys should be living together, or married. He is obviously keeping his options open and looking for someone else. just end it. You don't even have to tell him why. You can tell him that you finally realised that he is not the guy for you.

 

We were living together but I made him move out about a year ago and we kept the relationship but just didn't live together. He's extremely messy and ruined a lot of my stuff, didn't take care of anything, wouldn't help with anything around the house, started binge drinking regularly, etc. I should have just ditched him back then.

 

I like what you said about me saying I've realized he's not the right guy for me and leave it at that. That's basically what it is...a guy who lies and cheats isn't exactly my idea of the right guy, and there's nothing he could say to argue like he will if I tell him I know what he's been up to. I could probably get a picture of him having sex with someone else and he'd deny it's him. Why bother.

[xrayspex]

You do not need to see him or do anything for his birthday. You can end it today.

 

I won't see him today, but he said he would call me after work. It would probably be easier to do it over the phone, probably safer too. It's strange that in my job and other areas of my life I'm not insecure and wishy-washy ... why just with this twisted liar?

[metrogirl]

He has occasionally had anger issues. He's never laid a hand on me but he's broken stuff before.

 

His birthday is Saturday. Would it be horrible to just give him the heave ho for his birthday? I'm actually sitting here laughing thinking about it. My first smile of the day.

I'm sure he expects money ... instead should I give him the boot? "Here are some new boots honey, in your * [

color=red]* * * !"

 

I know he doesn't care, he probably never did. If I can get myself not to care anymore I'll be good to go.

 

That is too funny. I didn't realize men expect money for their b-days! LOL

 

Don't let the fact that it's his birthday stop you from doing what you feel is best. It only shows him that he can just do whatever he pleases with your consent.

 

I'm glad you had your first smile of the day.. Smiling is so much more fun than frowning........(scowls at you) LOL

[diamond78]

xray,

 

I can tell that you KNOW you should leave this guy now....it may be hard to actually go through the act of breaking up, but it's best you do it now so you can start moving on and find someone else more worthy of your time.

 

It seems he is still with you because it's convenient for him and he's 'used' to having you around, but he's not 100% committed. And if he can't commit to you fully after all this time, then he's surely not worth your committment.

 

He sounds like a true-blue loser and just based on your posts you seem to be a pretty smart lady and I believe you can do a lot better than this guy who disrespects you in your own home...so get rid of this dead-weight. We all know it's not going to go much further, so why continue to waste your time with him?

 

Good luck chica! We'll be here for support!

[xrayspex]

He ended up showing up last night. He actually had the nerve to ask me if I'd trim his hair so he'd look his best for his "interviews" today, which I found out yesterday 100% are a lie. I was tempted to give him a haircut he'll never forget, but I just said I can't find my clippers and then when he went over to my neighbor's he left his keys on my counter and I took the opportunity to take my house key off his keyring. I've asked him for it before and he wouldn't give it back. He didn't even notice that I did it.

 

It was a baby step but at least now he can't just walk in anytime he feels like it. I don't work today but I'm not going to follow him. I know the interviews are a lie. With the elaborate way he kept adding to his story he must be up to something - he made sure to cover his whole day from morning until evening. I'm sure he'll be here bright and early tomorrow morning for his birthday present...I hope he likes the letter I'm planning to leave for him on the door. At least that's what I'm thinking of doing. I don't know if I can control myself face to face with him, I know the denials will start pouring out and I don't trust myself to not just kick him in the eye or something. I'm still working on that part.

[ycmanvs]

He sounds exactly like my ex (he would ask me to cut his hair too). You do not need to see him again. You can just tell him that you have thought about it for a long time and that you are done with him. You do not need to do this in person because he may get angry, or violent, etc.

[xrayspex]

You don't know how bad I wanted to give him a really rotten haircut...shave "liar" in the back of his head or something LOL Right now I'm scouring the classifieds for a new house to rent. His best friend lives next door to me and I'm afraid when he gets evicted from his apartment that's where he's going to wind up because they talked about it before. Unfortunately I work at the college where he is finishing his degree, so I'm going to have a problem avoiding him completely.

 

He'd better not get violent with me, because if he does it's on! I'm small but I've got a lot of rage built up inside about this, I know I do. I'm choking on it. He just better not go there.

[xrayspex]

I did it! I just dumped him about a half hour ago. He called to tell me all about his "interviews", which ended early and didn't go too well he said...I let him go on and on about it and then dropped the bomb that I know there were no interviews, I know about his personal ads, and that he can sod off. After I got most of it out, which was basically just how he's untrustworthy and I refuse to be someone's back up sucker always there while the other person is a sneaky lying SOB, he hung up on me. I didn't even raise my voice at him, I was pretty calm about it.

 

How do I feel now? Well, maybe I'm evil but I'm still chuckling about it. I actually feel relief that it's all out. Now I can do whatever I want without worrying about his bust * * * * dropping in.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Hi X... how are you today? I am glad you called his bluff and booted him out.

 

He sounds like he really gets into the lying and cheating. Some people are like that and like the excitement of it. I think it's really funny that he just hung up on you. He knew he was busted, but didn't have any slick lies thought up to tell you since you took him by surprise.

 

Get yourself tested for STDs since he has been trolling sex websites, then start your new life sans the liar/cheater. You will be so much better off!

[xrayspex]

I'm back!! I'm in the area where there's flooding, but my home is okay. I've been helping some friends with their mess though so I haven't had a chance to come on for a few days.

 

How am I doing? I'm GREAT! I had my junk checked yesterday and will have to call for results but the doc said everything looks fine to him. I don't think the rotter had a chance to actually cheat yet so I probably dodged a bullet.

 

Do I miss him? Hell no. Last time I saw him he smelled like FEET and was asking me for the haircut and hinting about his rent. For all I know he floated away in all the water by now. Kidding aside, I don't give a rat's ass about what he's doing, I'm just glad he's not doing it to me anymore.

 

On a bad note someone tried to break in my place last night and cut a window screen out. It's kind of scary because it happened during the night while I was sleeping, but my landlord has someone over fixing it and I have a friend coming over to help me add some more security tonight.

[metrogirl]

I'm back!! I'm in the area where there's flooding, but my home is okay. I've been helping some friends with their mess though so I haven't had a chance to come on for a few days.

 

How am I doing? I'm GREAT! I had my junk checked yesterday and will have to call for results but the doc said everything looks fine to him. I don't think the rotter had a chance to actually cheat yet so I probably dodged a bullet.

 

Do I miss him? Hell no.

Last time I saw him he smelled like FEET

and was asking me for the haircut and hinting about his rent. For all I know he floated away in all the water by now. Kidding aside, I don't give a rat's ass about what he's doing, I'm just glad he's not doing it to me anymore.

 

On a bad note someone tried to break in my place last night and cut a window screen out. It's kind of scary because it happened during the night while I was sleeping, but my landlord has someone over fixing it and I have a friend coming over to help me add some more security tonight.

 

You are sooo funny. I'm so glad you are okay and not grieving over this...

 

Maybe you can teach a class. 'Kicking stupid men to the curb and feel good about it 101' LOL

[xrayspex]

Well, it definitely helps to keep busy. I've been burning the candle at both ends since the whole mess went down, but I fall asleep exhausted and don't have time to dwell on anything.

[diamond78]

I agree...You've handled the situation like a pro!

 

Has your Ex tried to contact you since the break-up?

[xrayspex]

He called and left a bunch of voicemails the first couple days, and I had another one when I woke up this morning that was left last night. He sounded extremely drunk, either that or he just had all his teeth pulled and called me while he was still under the anesthetic with a mouth full of cotton. I don't know if he's been over to my neighbor's since it happened but I haven't run into him face to face.