shygirl1212 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Guys...I'm having a really crappy day with work stuff...then I was overcome with an overwhelming emotion of sadness and fear. All I long for is to reach out to my ex...I feel that he is the ONLY one who can make me feel better. We've been going NC for about 2 weeks now. I miss him so much. I'm soooooooooo incredibly sad and just want to cry Things are crappy and I don't have my security blanket anymore ~ I'm so sorry we can't be together anymore, but I miss you so much and don't now what I will do without you in this world~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maree79 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Shygirl, I had the same day. 2 weeks for me too. Cry it out for today, it is all you can do. Sorry you are hurting. Maybe tomorrow will be a little easier. In the meantime just be true to your emotions & don't bottle anything up. And talk it out right here. Sending you a hug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygirl1212 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Thanks Maree...it's all I want to do is cry. I thought I was fine during my 2 weeks NC but then I had an AWFUL day, and felt like crap about myself and then it hit me - I'm alone, he's gone, I have NO ONE to comfort me, to hold me, to tell me it'll be okay, to cheer me along in this crazy world. He's gone - I've lost him - I feel so naked & alone. I miss him like crazy. It hit me like a ton of bricks... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sadman84 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Being alone is something i used to want when i was with my ex at times. and now i'm sick of it, but lil wayne says it best, and i take this lyrics serious. "Since you been gone i have been all alone But alone is steroids cuz it made me strong." This time alone will only make you a stronger person. I know you want your ex back, but being independent is a part of life, and now is our time to take advantage of it. Get to know yourself, and the good thing is being an independent person is attractive, i LOVE girls who are independent, its a rare thing to see it seems like. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
undercover007 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Hey shygirl... i know how ur feeling. Im going through the same thing right now. The worst feeling is when i wake up and i realize that im not with him nemore. Worst feeling ever Try going walking or exercising. What i do is go out in the evening and take a long walk and listen to my ipod.. it kind of helps to just relieve some pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygirl1212 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 thanks undercover...i appreciate everyone's support - you are all so good to me and can someone tell me why, I insist to listen to "our" songs - it's like self-torture really...UGGHGHGH HATE MYSELF... this isn't me...i used to be so strong but maybe i wasn't all along... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygirl1212 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 i also like it how I have selective memory - thinking of only the good, the best times we had: How we used to laugh together - I had some of the best laughs with him - we laughed so hard we cried We just looked into each other's eyes and know what the other was feeling When he held me, I felt so safe and happy - it felt so right Our road trips and how we always got lost but managed to laugh about it all the way home The little gifts and surprises we used to get/do for each other How I could just pick up the phone and tell him about my day, and he would just listen How he would always tell me that everything would be "okay" How we used to support each other in everything we did Our stupid fights and our make-ups I'll never have that again...that's what makes me so sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prettyhate Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 oh god we have alllllllllllllllll been there.......... i am finding that the longer i go NC the harder its week 3 its my worst so far it will be amonth this sunday YUK try try to vent get it out and i hope that one day once ive vented it one day i wont need to as much and it will get better and better x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I think this is not unsual but perhaps you had better remember that you broke up with him for reasons that felt right at the time. Do those reasons still feel as valid now as they did then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friskydingo Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 my guess is that by listening to "your" songs it keeps you "close" to him. have been there so many times with my wife. I cant even listen to The Dolphins Cry by Live or Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down. In time I'm sure you will feel better. Dont fret you will have those things again, and will probably better the next time around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygirl1212 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 I think this is not unsual but perhaps you had better remember that you broke up with him for reasons that felt right at the time. Do those reasons still feel as valid now as they did then? DN, sometimes the love I still have for him, overpowers everything else...I dunno maybe I'm screwed up that way. Despite everything wrong between us, I love him like crazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maree79 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 yeah Shy, It hit me for real on Saturday & I have been super down ever since. I just really want his help right now..he was my rock & my best friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 DN, sometimes the love I still have for him, overpowers everything else...I dunno maybe I'm screwed up that way. Despite everything wrong between us, I love him like crazy. emotionally that is understandable but it won't help you. Rational thought might though. Perhaps you should be viewing those things that went wrong in a different light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygirl1212 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 yeah Maree - this feeling can be just as tough, if not tougher, than the "anger" phase...I don't even feel angry right now, just insanely sad. I thought I could get to sleep soon but I don't think I can even sleep tonight - I'm just going to work through the night... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maree79 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Well, I'll be up working here as well..i feel the same way, almost afraid to sleep because of the dreams. I try to stay busy & it is so good when my mind wonders off him for a moment. But I had a really stressful day, some bad news & he could always cheer me up. aarrgghhh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygirl1212 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Well, I'll be up working here as well..i feel the same way, almost afraid to sleep because of the dreams. I try to stay busy & it is so good when my mind wonders off him for a moment. But I had a really stressful day, some bad news & he could always cheer me up. aarrgghhh FEEL the *exact* way - bad news today and it hit me - how much I miss him and how alone I am now...My first reaction was to go to him and then I realized how messed up things are and how it's really over and yes..."our" songs do make me feel closer to him despite how bad things were between us, and all the many reasons why we can't be together, I love him dearly, I don't think I'll ever stop...that's what's scary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maree79 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 YES! omg, we must be joined at the soul or something, except I can't do music at all right now. I don't think you ever stop loving someone who touches your heart so deeply. I think it will fade off a little eventually, but they will always be there - it just won't hurt to think of them. For all we know the next one will bring out an even deeper love....who knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygirl1212 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 YES! omg, we must be joined at the soul or something, except I can't do music at all right now. I don't think you ever stop loving someone who touches your heart so deeply. I think it will fade off a little eventually, but they will always be there - it just won't hurt to think of them. For all we know the next one will bring out an even deeper love....who knows. that would be insane - just even the thought of it is too much to handle - i think that's because of how deeply i loved my ex - there isn't anything I wouldn't have done for him, to help him, and to support him. i turned off "our" songs - it really was like self-torture, in a way i think i want to punish myself - i want to "hurt" - i know it sounds stupid & crazy i think this might be because i was the dumper - although in many ways felt like the dumpee - we couldn't be together due to A LOT of issues - and many hurtful things he did to me - after 8 years i finally ended it, but it took me 1 1/2 years to finally end things - it got bad - and now look at me - i feel like i'm getting older by the minute, up in the wee hours of the night thinking of the man who drove me crazy (both GOOD and BAD)... i know i've hurt him and it KILLS me - that's why i am trying to punish myself i think - he's hurting and i am too - i just wish we could change all of the stupid things that came between us - so naive of me to even say this - look at how stupid i am - thinking those things could be changed sometimes i wished that it could be just me & him alone on an island and we wouldn't ever have to deal with any of the issues - but then i realize this is stupid too ughghghg too many stupid thoughts tonight and not enough good ones Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missHoenikker Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 FEEL the *exact* way - bad news today and it hit me - how much I miss him and how alone I am now...My first reaction was to go to him and then I realized how messed up things are and how it's really over and yes..."our" songs do make me feel closer to him despite how bad things were between us, and all the many reasons why we can't be together, I love him dearly, I don't think I'll ever stop...that's what's scary hey shygirl, so sorry you're going through a difficult time. my first months of NC were the hardest ones (i'm entering month 5 now). and i too used to listen to "our songs" in an attempt to feel closer to him. i felt good for a few minutes and then just felt awfull because it made it even more real how NOT close we were anymore. as painful as it was, it helped make me cry, but at some point i stopped doing it because it was actually also making me think of only the good memories of someone that doesn't want to be in my life anymore. some times, something that used to be habit and is not anymore, makes us feel weak and lost. but try to remember what you used to do when you didn't know him and he wasn't your security blanket. i think you'll find out that you're stronger than you think and will be able to pick yourself up again on your own. it will get easier eventually, just know that we're here for you, going through it all together Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maree79 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 some times, something that used to be habit and is not anymore, makes us feel weak and lost. but try to remember what you used to do when you didn't know him and he wasn't your security blanket. i think you'll find out that you're stronger than you think and will be able to pick yourself up again on your own. I had never thought of it like that. Good point! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygirl1212 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 thanks Miss - yes I agree the music thing is dumb..i stopped it already starting to feel sleepy again - this is a good thing i think i will rest and get up early to work night Maree - keep in touch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missHoenikker Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I had never thought of it like that. Good point! haha, i've had enough relapses in the last five months to know that that actually works Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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