ladyblue07 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Yeah, there is no harm in meeting her and seeing how it goes. Since you're both adults, the age gap is not a big deal. This might be a very good learning experience for you. I also feel that you should not tell your parents about the date. There is no reason to. It's none of their business at your age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 I also feel that you should not tell your parents about the date. There is no reason to. It's none of their business at your age. Telling my parents about the date is the same as indirectly deciding not to go because once I do that I've shot myself on the foot as far as that is concerned. I personally do not see any harm in it either and intend to go along with it as it's rather paranoid to make a big issue like this out of a simple coffee meeting introduction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xrayspex Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 I don't see anything wrong with age gaps but if you're already wondering if you're "lowering yourself", maybe you should just skip it. Being younger doesn't make one better than someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted June 5, 2008 Author Share Posted June 5, 2008 I talked with her on the phone instead and we are planning to meet next week. She got cold feet since we didn't speak by telephone before meeting. However, I cant get too close with her due to religious differences, she seems more seriously into this buddist thing than I thought. The age difference at this point is less of an issue with me than the religious, but again I'm trying not to pigeonhole people and like to see things judged on their maerits. She appears to have given me five to six compliments about myself during the conversation to the point I thought saying thank-you was getting redundant and appears to actually find my natural analytical way to be intriguing since I like analyzing things to death and virtually studied every word and email she sent me becaue that's what I enjoy doing. So, everything is fine, up to me if I want to follow up and set upa date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
15 Storeys High Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 Do you think you'd ever seriously date her if she is a different religion to you Luke? It's all very well trying not to pigeonhole people but if you know it's not going to go any further then you need to make sure it's just fun rather than serious? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladyblue07 Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 The religious issue isn't really a big deal in my view, since it's just a date. You're not talking about marrying this lady. Go on the date. Even if you decide not to see her again, you will still learn something about dating from the experience that will help you when you do meet Miss Right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
15 Storeys High Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I think it's a big issue. Luke is very religious and has already stated he won't settle down with anyone outside of his religion. Why then, is he going on dates with someone he knows to be a completely different religion? That's just leading someone on in my opinion, regardless of their age. I understand that "dating" is pretty casual in America and isn't anything like it is in the UK but you should at least be going on dates with people based on what you want, not because it "might be fun" and only that. There has to be a real reason surely? If you already know you won't want to date them longterm then why go? Unless you are specifically looking for a short term fling you shouldn't be going on just any old date that you can muster up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 Do you think you'd ever seriously date her if she is a different religion to you Luke? It's all very well trying not to pigeonhole people but if you know it's not going to go any further then you need to make sure it's just fun rather than serious? I must have mis-defined date. Sometimes I mix up the term 'date' with 'internet coffee introduction' -- where is you are just meeting someone from the internet ONCE over coffee for conversation. In fact, I don't really understand date since it's not part of my schema of things. I don't say this in a desperate way, but I'm not used to the idea. You have to plan things out, pay out money on stuff, pretend to enjoy yourself if there is no chemistry, etc.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
15 Storeys High Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Okay. So what are your intentions in meeting her since you already know you won't date her due to your religious differences? Are you looking to just be friends? Use her as "practice"? Something else? I think you should make her aware of the fact that you are very unlikely to actually date her otherwise you could end up hurting her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 Okay. So what are your intentions in meeting her since you already know you won't date her due to your religious differences? Are you looking to just be friends? Use her as "practice"? Something else? I think you should make her aware of the fact that you are very unlikely to actually date her otherwise you could end up hurting her. For now the intentions do not go further than a simple offline internet meet-up. That may be the end in itself, if it goes that far. Most people meet people online for one date, and in rarer cases for two, or subsequent dates. Just the process of meeting someone online, getting to know a new face or person that is outside of your normal world, could be enough motivation in itself --- I think most internet users do that anyway - they are serial daters and are not serious. However, I concede that I would feel uncomfortable with a Buddist person, I mean, I'd try subconsciously to debunk her beliefs (which I already subtly did on the phone - such as saying how can reincarnation exist if the world has a bigger population during this century compared to other centuries before, where did all the people come from - then attribute it to petrolium science green revolution) -- so I mean automatically she becomes a conversion project, even if it's subtle. So, I really don't know what I'm doing and am in a bit of a cloud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ixtapa Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Ok, let me rephrase, if I go after this woman, then am I lowering myself in any way? I think this phrase is very insulting to that particular woman. If you are even asking yourself this question, by all means do not date her... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladyblue07 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I guess the way I look at it is that anyone who is new to dating is going to make mistakes. I think it's better to make those mistakes with someone you're not likely to want a serious chance with, like this Buddhist 40 year old, than a girl who fits your religious critieria and who might actually be "the one". So that's one reason I feel it's good to date people who you might not want a serious relationship at this point. There is no harm in it as long as you aren't dishonest about your intentions and let people think you're wanting something serious when you don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CharlesF Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I think relationships with a large age difference can only be for fun. It can't be long-term because of the age difference. This is why you couldn't tell your parents if you started dating her. You know they would realize right away that it is not serious. I would recommend asking her what she wants in the relationship before you meet. If she sees it as just having fun, then that could work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoppingGirl Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 You are 32 and feel the need to tell your parents? Are you kidding me? Grow up and move out already! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 You are 32 and feel the need to tell your parents? Are you kidding me? Grow up and move out already! I cant do that because I don't have a stablility enough to feel confident I can support myself, and furthermore, my parents are aging and may likely need me around to take care of things. All I would be able to do is just have fun with other people but I'm not sure if I could support a relationship with anyone if it came down to it. Well, at least there is one thing I have in common with the older woman. We both think we are yonger than our chronological age. Age is just a number. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoppingGirl Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Are your parents in need of someone to care for them NOW? Or do you mean in the future? You said you are a momma's boy, are you sure that you are not just attracted to this women as another mother figure to care for you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 Are your parents in need of someone to care for them NOW? Or do you mean in the future? You said you are a momma's boy, are you sure that you are not just attracted to this women as another mother figure to care for you? It seems a bit now, but probably a greater extent in the future. I'm absolutely sure I'm not attracted to this woman as another mother figure. She's paying a rent, living with a roommate, and struggling like everyone else, so I don't think so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double J Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Luke, I sense that maybe you're drawn to the prospect of dating an older woman. Not telling your parents, an older woman with more experience and diverse interests -- it all makes for quite an adrenaline rush. I say you should just go on a date and see where this goes. Stop getting so ahead of yourself (will this work out, is she the one for me) and consider it a normal date like any other. It may lead to something or nothing -- she may turn out to be a lifelong friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted June 15, 2008 Author Share Posted June 15, 2008 I've meet her today (parents don't know about it), and she really does look like she's old (not older than she claimed I'll give her that), but I knew that before we meet so that's my choice, but hey we had an interesting conversation and that was it. If I'm really desperate to take someone with me to the Science Centre, Roy Thompson Hall, Canada's Wonderland, Art Galery, Museum, islands, well, I have a companion. Since that fits into my agenda, and she's also interested in going to those types of places, then it sounds like something that could work, or maybe, it's not that important to go to those places with someone to settle taking her to them -- but that's a choice that I have to make. Well, good practise, I like to see how I behave with around a woman I have little or no interest in, for my own experimentation of behaviour and put myself as a lab rat for my own social experiments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GabrielGray Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 Man, you live in the Toronto area? That just freaks me out =\ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 Man, you live in the Toronto area? That just freaks me out =\ Yeah. I've just decided to take her to Black Creek Pioneer Village sometime in the future and sent clips of Anne of Green Gables on youtube to her to get her in the mood of going back in time to the Victoria era in preparation of this excursion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 Well, it looks like the places I'm taking her may be in competition with her own grandkids. Our schedules are out of synch, and I think she's letting me down easy by telling me that she's planning to take her grandkids to the zoo, and that it's difficult to set up a date when we are both free to go to some place. I was proposing to take her to Black Creek Pioneer Village, but when she mentioned taking her grandkids to the zoo on a particular date, I just felt, gee, I wonder if there is some hidden message on here, like I'm competing with her grandkids to go to different 'kid' places. I'm now almost convinced I'm being let down easy. Maybe I'll have to put the final nail in the coffin and write to her that I think there is really no room for either of us to have each other in our lives because we both seem to be busy in our own worlds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 The last time i went to Black Creek Pioneer village i was 19 years old with my first long term boyfriend. Not a bad dating idea. They make some mean muffins in the kitchen with 1880's gadgets. I'm thinking of cancelling the idea. Read the above post I wrote. This is not a 19 year old with a similar age, this is a 32 year old (myself) and a 50 year old lady who has grand children that she takes to places like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted July 4, 2008 Author Share Posted July 4, 2008 Well, I'm really confused, should I take this forward to see what the logical conclusion is (continue trying to set up a date in the future and wait for her to make some excuse for this whole thing to fall between the cracks), or just end it and tell her that I feel I'm competing with her grandkids by proposing to take her to these types of places. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 I think your right, she's letting you down easy. isnt there some sort of christian dating agency you could join? even if it was just to meet a nice companion for days out etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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