servedcold Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I know that but once I can get ONE girl to be interested in seeing me over and over, I will be more relaxed and confident on dates with other woman. So I still need that one girl to help me do better with others Well you have a very abrupt style of communicating. With a little tweaking, softening and practice, you will find that there are many women out there who like this kind of style in a man, but it has to be accompanied by warmth, which is easy to gain by getting comfortable in various social outlets, not just dating. In other words, if you are gonna be the strong silent type of guy, you have to go out of your way to exude good will at the same time or women will think you cold and detached, maybe even angry, which is not good after high school. Socializing with lots of people will give you that aura of good will over time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarity Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 You over-analyze things way too much, you're always second-guessing things - it's a clear sign of a lack of confidence/contentment, which are not good traits when trying to appear attractive to girls. If you're conscious of these traits, hopefully you can work on them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbux_addict Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I know that but once I can get ONE girl to be interested in seeing me over and over, I will be more relaxed and confident on dates with other woman. So I still need that one girl to help me do better with others Ok, you want the honest truth, here it is... I am a woman, and this kind of attitude is a HUGE, and I mean HUGE turn-off for me. It shows lack of self-confidence. You don't need one girl to help you do better with others - confidence should come from within. It seems as though you're finding your worth through other people's approval, and that's not good. You need to learn how to love yourself before you can even get into a healthy relationship with anybody. I'm guessing that you're projecting your low self-esteem to this girl, which could be a reason why she's giving you signs that she's moving on. I suggest you working on yourself first before focusing your energies on having other people fill that void in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 30, 2008 Author Share Posted May 30, 2008 Ok, you want the honest truth, here it is... I am a woman, and this kind of attitude is a HUGE, and I mean HUGE turn-off for me. It shows lack of self-confidence. You don't need one girl to help you do better with others - confidence should come from within. It seems as though you're finding your worth through other people's approval, and that's not good. You need to learn how to love yourself before you can even get into a healthy relationship with anybody. I'm guessing that you're projecting your low self-esteem to this girl, which could be a reason why she's giving you signs that she's moving on. I suggest you working on yourself first before focusing your energies on having other people fill that void in your life. Actually that's one thing I haven't done yet, REVEALED My insecure side. So she doesn't know I'm stressing, just the people on this board Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbux_addict Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Actually that's one thing I haven't done yet, REVEALED My insecure side. So she doesn't know I'm stressing, just the people on this board I'm sure you've consciously made an effort not to reveal that to her, but I'm quite sure that you've projected it in other ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kuiks8 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I'm sure you've consciously made an effort not to reveal that to her, but I'm quite sure that you've projected it in other ways. i completely agree with this. Women are very in tune and perceptive to these mentalities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 30, 2008 Author Share Posted May 30, 2008 I'm sure you've consciously made an effort not to reveal that to her, but I'm quite sure that you've projected it in other ways. No can't say that I have, Have yet to do any of the things below 1.Asked her why she haven't called me 2.Leave a negative message on her voicemail 3.Called her everyday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulletproof Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 First off, you have the equation backwards: confidence = success at dating, not the other way around. Secondly, why does she have to email you 'first'? Why not just call her, ask her out again, and if she says no then move on? You have all these rules about conversations, and who calls who more/first/next, blah blah blah. Just be a nice, genuine person and if someone doesn't want to be with you, then on to the next one. And why would you stay home on a Friday night just because you don't have a date or girlfriend? What about friends? Family? Hobbies? Dinner on your own? Seriously, do some soul-searching here. You sound like a mess, and that's the brutal truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmantra Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Actually that's one thing I haven't done yet, REVEALED My insecure side. So she doesn't know I'm stressing, just the people on this board She doesn't need to you're most likely projecting it in way you're not even aware of. I agree with the last poster you shoot yourself in the foot with your attitude. I have this old book laying around totally forgot about it til I saw your thread, I think you should check it out: link removed It's called "how to succeed with women" I read it and it didn't exactly get me laid over night however it really changed my perspective and attitude towards women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbux_addict Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 No can't say that I have, Have yet to do any of the things below 1.Asked her why she haven't called me 2.Leave a negative message on her voicemail 3.Called her everyday Ok...whatever you say. I'm just speaking from my own experience. Most women are intuitive, and can differentiate the smell of a confident guy from a not self-assured guy. This is the brutal truth, and you MUST listen to what everyone here is saying: LET THIS THING GO, AND WORK ON YOURSELF. WORK ON BUILDING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM THAT MUST COME FROM WITHIN, AND THEN AND ONLY THEN CAN YOU FIND A SATISFYING RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN. Best of luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dqueen Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 You've only gone out on 2 dates with this girl and you're contemplating leaving her a negative message on her voice mail? At 2 dates, she owes you nothing. Cut her some slack. Calm down, do something about your insecurity and THEN date people. I think if I were this girl, I'd be very turned off and just move on to something better. Well, you asked for the brutal truth so there it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 You've only gone out on 2 dates with this girl and you're contemplating leaving her a negative message on her voice mail? At 2 dates, she owes you nothing. Cut her some slack. Calm down, do something about your insecurity and THEN date people. I think if I were this girl, I'd be very turned off and just move on to something better. Well, you asked for the brutal truth so there it is. I didn't say I was going to leave a message, I was stating how much I grown and would have done that in the past. Now I'm just laying low Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alcide Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Well yeah you're right but its not always that way, just that maybe she thinks the level of interest is not there, so she backs off A little waiting to see your next move, sometimes the same way you thinkin she might be be thinking so as well, When you want something regardless of what you go for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 Well yeah you're right but its not always that way, just that maybe she thinks the level of interest is not there, so she backs off A little waiting to see your next move, sometimes the same way you thinkin she might be be thinking so as well, When you want something regardless of what you go for it. I still say that vacation put a "MONKEY WRENCH" in the getting the know flow lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CynicalGuitarist Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 it's hard to tell, really but if she seems dis-interested and feels FORCED to talk to you, talks about another guy like "He's SO AWESOME OMG!" and smiles endlessly when she thinks about it, she's probably interested in somebody else. But this is what I know from first-hand experience, so don't take my word for it completely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alcide Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 You dont always have to think that way... Have you even tried? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 You dont always have to think that way... Have you even tried? depending on what happens this weekend with these new girls, i may not be contacting her anymore. so i will know for sure on monday morning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alcide Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 depending on what happens this weekend with these new girls, i may not be contacting her anymore. so i will know for sure on monday morning Lol..See you not really on that height, too much opportunity...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 depending on what happens this weekend with these new girls, i may not be contacting her anymore. so i will know for sure on monday morning It doesn't sound to me like you really gave this person a fair shot. You never asked her out on another date. From the negative vibes you give on your threads, it is quite possible she had no clue you were really interested in her. Yes, she probably should have called back...but it doesn't seem to me like you tried hard enough. Relationships are not a scorecard...I call you..then it is your turn to call and if you don't call me when it is your turn, game over. Sometimes one person will call twice before the other person calls. If you like a person, you just don't stand on ceremony and keep score of who called, how many times, whose turn it is. Over time it should all balance out..problem is, you didn't give it the time....you are throwing in the towel so quickly. So while you may have other options this weekend, if you behave in the same manner, it won't be long before you blow those options as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 Keep forgetting guys have to be the chasers right?-lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wurth_skidder Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Call once for everytime you see a girl. Before the first date, it's ok to call more than that if you don't get ahold of her, but do not leave a message. However, in this era with cell phones and caller ID, you probably should avoid calling twice in one day. The first time you talk to her should be the first time you called her as far as she's concerned. After the first date, it's ok to leave a message, but don't call again after that. If she doesn't call back within a few days, move on. The above is why I always e-mail girls before talking on the phone the first time. It's easier to set up a phone date that way, and it establishes a level of comfort talking to you for the girl. Anyway, the first call isn't the problem in this case, it's the call after the second date. Did you ever call her after the date? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny_mcs Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Keep forgetting guys have to be the chasers right?-lol Well, most men are able and willing to do the chasing in the beginning of the relationship, so if you aren't, you are at a disadvantage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 After the 2nd date she went on vacation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmantra Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 link removed It's a good book man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boo121 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I think you've just gotta keep going on dates, and eventually you'll get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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