Any childfree people?

[Up and Down]

As a man I am undecided on kids. Sometimes I think they are really cute, babies and little kids. It's when I see older kids being terrors, talking back to their parents, having tantrums etc or you hear the stories of teenagers being night mares that get me scared or being a parent. Some will say it's parenting but to me, after a certain age, you are no longer the most influlencial in your childs life, peers etc. It's scary because there is no going back.

 

I have contemplated a vasectomy, but as I am only 32, I often think that maybe I am just reflecting on my future how I feel now. Because there are definitely some kids that make me want to have them. As in I would say, if my kids would be like that I would love to have them.

 

As of right now it doesn't really matter since I am single I as another poster though look as the world as my oyster and just think of all the places I can travel to. I want to enjoy my freedom now, because if I ever do have kids it won't be the same for a long long time.

[i_win]

My ex didn't was antichildren and was dead set on never having any and then bam at 28 she did a complete 180 and started begging for a family and pregnancy. Female hormones still baffle me and amaze me all at the same time.

[kuiks8]

I don't think i want children. I think if i do eventually have kids I will adopt. Lots of unwanted kids out there who need homes...

[Excalibur]

Every timem either gender has an urge to "have a child" 0- they should get a cat - not a dog - a cat.

 

A cat is a good representation of waht it's going to be like to want to play with the baby - and it doesn't want to play. To want to ignore the baby - it won't be ignored right now. To want to have downtime from the baby - when the baby decides "it's you and me time'.......and how the cat will never applaud, laud, approve, or shout your greatness to the world for feeding it or changing its litter box- that is your purpose after all!

 

A dog wants your approval...not your attention......a cat wants what it wants - that's parenthood...and you find yourself doing what the cat wants, becuase the cat will have its way...or else.

[melrich]

A cat is a good representation of waht it's going to be like to want to play with the baby - and it doesn't want to play. To want to ignore the baby - it won't be ignored right now. To want to have downtime from the baby - when the baby decides "it's you and me time'.......and how the cat will never applaud, laud, approve, or shout your greatness to the world for feeding it or changing its litter box- that is your purpose after all!

 

Well I agree that there are some aspects of having a pet that correlate with having a child but I would just add, multiply it by about 100....lest anyone get the impression that if they have enjoyed owning a cat, kids will be a breeze.

[redrose85]

That's a good analogy actually. Having a cat one day will help my bf and I to prepare for parenthood, and to decide if we want to be parents at all. I like kids, but sometimes they really annoy me. He says that he wants kids, but he doesn't like to be around them right now. I think he's not at the right age, and it will change when he gets older. My older brother always said how he didn't want kids, ever. Then he had a daughter and he loves her to bits. It's really odd to see him being a dad, and relating to a little kid!

[Jadewhisper]

At this point in my life, I can say no, I don't want to have children. I haven't met the right man for me in the first place and I feel every child deserves to have a good loving father. Especially boys. They need someone they can speak to when they feel uncomfortable trying to do so with their mother.

 

To break it down:

1) I haven't met a man I could imagine having a family with. I prefer to be married before having children. I understand some people think it's just a piece of paper, but for me, I'm signing and pledging to a serious and beautiful commitment with someone who means the world to me.

 

2)Children cost alot of money to raise and nurture.

 

3)I'm not the most patient person. I don't mind being around kids though.

 

4)There's more dangerous stuff out in the world....online predators, other online bad things, and even in the real world. I know there's always been dangers for little children...I think it's more pronounced now. I would be so worried that my future son or daughter would be doing stupid stuff and putting themselves at risk.

 

5) Possibly of having a child with autism or some other type of disability. Of course, there's a risk with anything. I do not know what would happen if I was in this situation. I probably would feel frustrated. I want to know why Autism is on the rise. I hypothesize in certain situations it results in a combination of elements in the environment before the child even exists.(Sorry, I'm running on a tangent and autism is a whole other discussion

 

6)Coming out of a breakup made me realize that there are no guarantees. I don't want to put myself in a point where I am relying on a man to support and then he just walks out.(This hasn't exactly happened to me,but to some of my friends it has.)

 

7) Basically, I want to live my life and enjoy it. I feel I wouldn't be the best parent right now since I still learning how to manage my own life let alone create a new one.

 

I wouldn't completely rule myself out as parent. I did raise my pet bird for over 10 years(she passed away a few years ago) and those experiences turned out to be one of sweetest most positive forces in my life.

[Penny_Lane]

Every timem either gender has an urge to "have a child" 0- they should get a cat - not a dog - a cat.

 

A cat is a good representation of waht it's going to be like to want to play with the baby - and it doesn't want to play. To want to ignore the baby - it won't be ignored right now. To want to have downtime from the baby - when the baby decides "it's you and me time'.......and how the cat will never applaud, laud, approve, or shout your greatness to the world for feeding it or changing its litter box- that is your purpose after all!

 

A dog wants your approval...not your attention......a cat wants what it wants - that's parenthood...and you find yourself doing what the cat wants, becuase the cat will have its way...or else.

 

I agree with RedRose, that's a good analogy, although there is one HUGE difference with cats: They're low maintanence. Can't say they same for the kiddies, lol.

[RayKay]

I have honestly really been divided about this most of my life! So this post may have a lot of back and forth, I apologize!

 

I do 'want' them; I truly love family, love being close to them, and want to have children with my partner. I think parenting is a huge, but wonderful, responsibility and I know I truly enjoy seeing those loved ones of mine raising their children. I know I would be a good mom (for the most part with my own flaws of course!) and would love them to bits.

 

At same time, my life is really not very "conducive" to having children - and won't be for many years as I start my law career (though my SO would be a wonderful partner in child raising, the major responsibility still falls on mom most of time!). I also am incredibly busy; and enjoy being able to be a bit selfish (to some degree, I still have a SO and other family and pets and a job all to be responsible too!) about my time and spontaneity. And, I cannot imagine wanting to be pregnant much now, never mind in a few more years! I really get bothered when my body is out of my "control" when I am sick, I cannot imagine when pregnant even if it is creating a life in there!

 

I guess I have the fortune (or maybe not!) of having so many peers raising children and seeing what they go through....I just cannot see being able to do that any time soon either...just seeing what the world is like out there it scares me to bring children into it on many levels (and knowing what I was like as a teenager!).

 

There is substantial social pressure though; I am nearing 29 and there is a pressure there. Not from family or friends, but in general. I don't really worry about not being able to have them when I want, if I can't I will look at adoption (or just not having them) but I do keep myself pretty healthy and am not too worried, though the longer I wait the more I worry about having very young children if I end up suffering the same fate of getting breast cancer in my 40's for example as the women in my family tend to do!

 

Honestly, I see myself being a mom - but I see it more likely as being via adoption of slightly older children (1 yr - 5 yrs old) the older I get! I joked the other day with my classmate (one of our other classmates is choosing to postpone third year law to have a baby) if I start the process now, I should be high on the list in 5 years when I am ready! Not necessarily to 'avoid' pregnancy but because there are so many children out there (particularly older ones) whom can't be adopted both here and abroad and I don't feel that DRIVE to have to actually contribute my own genetic material in order to raise and love a child.

[melrich]

of slightly older children (1 yr - 5 yrs old) the older I get!

 

Ahhh you want to go straight to the hard part!

[RayKay]

Ahhh you want to go straight to the hard part!

 

Haha, yup! Though I know from seeing my friends experiences newborns are hardly low maintenance...lol.

 

And can't wait for those teenage years either My cubicle neighbour at work is only a bit older then me (she is 33) but has a 15 year old and a almost-10 year old (both boys) and my jaw drops some days at what she goes through with them!

[melrich]

I know from seeing my friends experiences newborns are hardly low maintenance

 

No they are not. My experience, if the baby has no health issues, 0-9 months is easiest, 1 year to 3 years is a really fun time with the odd tantrum, 4 years plus.....tough. It's all relatively speaking of course.

[RayKay]

No they are not. My experience, if the baby has no health issues, 0-9 months is easiest, 1 year to 3 years is a really fun time with the odd tantrum, 4 years plus.....tough. It's all relatively speaking of course.

 

I guess they won't just let me keep one from 1-3 years, eh?

 

I don't even think the foster care people would look fondly on that request!

[melrich]

guess they won't just let me keep one from 1-3 years, eh?

 

I could never understand people who had lots of kids....now with our second one approaching 3, I think I can better understand it, I am already starting to feel depressed about not having a baby/toddler around...they are just so much entertainment.

[RayKay]

I could never understand people who had lots of kids....now with our second one approaching 3, I think I can better understand it, I am already starting to feel depressed about not having a baby/toddler around...they are just so much entertainment.

 

My mum was like that, liked babies (but she stopped at 3 personally - she did have a stepson though too).

 

One of my friends in high school came from a family of 11 siblings - not so common these days - ALL girls....I think they liked having babies AND wanted a boy (never happened!).

[hers]

I love going away for a while and coming back to read such wonderful posts! thanks, everyone!

[ramsickle1369]

I can certainly understand your point of view. Personally, I didn't think I ever wanted to get married or have children simply because I was a child of divorce and most of my family is divorced with kids. It's terrible on the kids most times.

 

I didn't want them, that is, until I met my XH. He made me want to start a family. I also met him @ 20, married at 25 and decided that by 30 I would be where I wanted to be to have kids. Well, at 30 I was divorcing! I am not at ALL where I wanted to be at 30, but, I certainly did change my mind a lot in about 5 years.

 

I guess it's OK to not want to have kids, but the sterilization scares me because it's not reversible (100% anyway). Who knows how you'll feel in 5 years and who you'll meet?

[Enigmatika]

Re: Wanting children:

Thank you ...uh...NO!!!

 

A dog wants your approval...not your attention......a cat wants what it wants - that's parenthood...and you find yourself doing what the cat wants, becuase the cat will have its way...or else.

I / we have 17 dogs. Don't feel the burning urge in any way shape or form to have to deal with my own kid on top of the kids I work with.

NO freaking THANK YOU.

 

I LOVE....winding the rug rats up...and the sending them home for mom and dad to deal with.

End of STORY.

 

NEED PEACE at the end of the day.

 

Hubby would like a screamer....but I, NOT!

He already has two from his previous marriage...and soon he can be grandpa and I will be great auntie....I hope she produces SOON...

 

Too many unwanted children in the world as it is. All because of religious notions regarding a morula. *shrugs* Which is worse in the end?

[nutbrownhare]

I've never wanted kids. Ever. People will say all sorts of things like 'You'll start getting broody at 30' and 'But you're not a proper woman if you don't want kids' or 'You'll regret it if you don't have kids' - all of which say more about them than about me.

 

I don't particularly want to disclose my age, but suffice to say that my doctor recently told me that I'd really left it too late to start a family (halleluia!).

 

I'm the eldest of a large family and had to do a lot of caretaking when I was still a kid myself - I have no illusions about what young kids are like. Also, you don't need to have kids of your own to enjoy children - you can still work with them, whatever.

 

As regards relationships, I have an uncanny knack of attracting men who don't want kids. Either because they've never wanted them or because they've been married, had a family, divorced and don't want to go through it again. But I realised many years ago that, for me, if eyes met accross a crowded room I could pretty much guarantee that the guy would want to remain child-free - so it's never been a problem in relationships at all!

[woodster]

I want to give a big thank-you to whomever started this post!!!

 

I've been contemplating getting my tubes tied for 2 years now. I've hesitated for all the same reasons everyone has mentioned. Maybe I'll meet someone, maybe I'll change my mind etc....

 

Since I turn 40 in November, I figure it's time to stop stalling. The wait is over. If I want kids in the future, I'll adopt.

 

My appointment with the Gyno is in 2 weeks. Thanks to this thread, I'm much much less hesitant to go through with the procedure.

 

Thanks to everyone for their point of views!!!

[CaptainPlanet]

Kids are fantastiic only I doubt that I should have children given they would be a little bit like me and they would be exposed to my parents. I would seriously consider that if I did, I would move interstate far away from my immediate family to keep the disturbing almost, morbid craziness away from the children. I would also have to think about the woman having them and if she was a happy person I do not know if it would be fair to make my families misery a part of her life.

 

Then I feel a little bit regretful that I might do something like that, because I know somewhere deep down there is a caring and nuturing side to my father that he simply not intelligent enough to express. He could do well for any grandkids but he do not do well with me. There is a lot more there, I need to able to set an example I need to be a real person and not a servant as I am now. I need a vocation and pride in what I do and what I have done.

I will not bring children into this world to simply be used by other people, they will live their own life and be their own person.

 

At this stage I do not want kids it would very innapropriate. I would never go so far as to become sterilised which would be foolish in my opinion, minds change, and so do people.

[hers]

I want to give a big thank-you to whomever started this post!!!

 

I've been contemplating getting my tubes tied for 2 years now. I've hesitated for all the same reasons everyone has mentioned. Maybe I'll meet someone, maybe I'll change my mind etc....

 

Since I turn 40 in November, I figure it's time to stop stalling. The wait is over. If I want kids in the future, I'll adopt.

 

My appointment with the Gyno is in 2 weeks. Thanks to this thread, I'm much much less hesitant to go through with the procedure.

 

Thanks to everyone for their point of views!!!

 

Glad I coudl help! Adoption is a great way of getting a child if ou eveer do want one--too many kids out there who need homes!! Good luck!

[Lucy__lou]

I am almost 30, I love kids, and enjoy having them in my life and do not plan to breed! I have never wanted to have children, (except maybe when I was a child myself and hadn't seen much beyond the world of domesticity).

 

WHY I DON'T WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN

 

1. the world is overpopulated and we don't know how to sustain ourselves without trashing the planet in the process.

2. I want to make a difference, make my mark, and caring for children is costly and time consuming.

3. I believe it takes a village to raise a child (or an urban community for that matter), and I aint got no big warm caring sharing community to help me raise a kid.

4. I believe my maternal inclinations; my desire to nurture and help the next generation in their development can be done without literally becoming a mother, I believe those desires to give and to care can be channelled in ways that help more people than one or two, or two point five children of one's own. i.e. be a teacher, a community leader, a role model, whatever, you can play a part in kids lives without having your own, and god knows kids need more adults taking an interest in their growth.

5. My mother sacrificed a lot to be a mum. I don't want to make the same mistake.

6. it wasn't that long ago that most women felt little option than to be mothers, before contraception, and before improved opportunities to be financially independent, so I don't want to take that for granted, cause I know many of my foremothers would have loved to have been independent and free of the burdens of motherhood.

7. from what I see around me, a lot of men still don't do their share of the caring for kids, so why volunteer to get the raw end of the deal like so many other mothers I see.

8. I don't think my genes are that great, I'm good looking, but that's about it.

9. assuming I don't get some anonymous sperm, I'd have to embark on a long (18 years minimum) relationship with a man if I were to share a kid with a father, and I don't know of any man I'd want to do that with.

10. I can't afford it, and I sure as hell don't think I'll be able to afford it in future years when our economy hits crisis point and everything is very very expensive.

11. It's too much responsibility and I don't believe I'm up for the job.

[hers]

Wow, Lucy, incredible post!

 

I think you have listed most of the reasons on my own list, and it makes me glad to see another woman have the same feelings. I very much agree taht it takes a village to raise a child, and the villages these days aren't all that great.

 

A friend of mine also doesn't want children, and she volunteers with Big Brothers Big Sisters and mentors a couple of kids. She does an amazing job and thinks just the way you do--that you can contribute to future generations without bearing one of your own. That's the mentality to have, I think!

[Enigmatika]

Wow, Lucy, incredible post!

Second that!