ConfusedDater Posted May 26, 2008 Author Share Posted May 26, 2008 Aren't you the same guy that got a bee up his butt because a girl asked him what he was doing on a friday or saturday night? Seriously, you really need to stop being so rigid about this. You seem to have a timescale set out for every single little detail. She can't ask a career question until you've been on four dates. She can't phone you for a short conversation until you've been on two dates. Do you see how rediculous that is? Just relax and go with the flow for once. If she asks a question, then just answer it. Don't get your knickers in a twist and proclaim she is stupid and that you will never ever talk to her ever again. If you had a choice between receiving call from someone you already met and seen twice calling you from the road or a person you just met online and haven't seen face to face, who would you prefer the call from? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 If you had a choice between receiving call from someone you already met and seen twice calling you from the road or a person you just met online and haven't seen face to face, who would you prefer the call from? CD, can you spell out the reasoning for asking 15 this question? It has nothing to do with the post of his you quoted, or at least it doesn't seem to correlate at first glance. What does this have to do with you being upset over asking a question about your career goals? As for who i would prefer a call from, i know you are not asking me but i'll answer...why can't you talk to both? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
15 Storeys High Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 I'd just be glad someone out there thought enough of me to call and want to talk to me. You seem to think dating should all be on your terms and your terms alone. Never going to happen fella. The quicker you realise that and start being a little less rigid the more luck you'll have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Rigid is definitely the word to describe CD's dating pet peeves. CD you won't find happiness with a woman you are dating until you loosen up your restrictions. I don't even get dumbfounded anymore when i read some of the stuff you get upset about. You have to realize no one is in your head nor do they think just like you do. They have their own views on what is okay and appropriate. If you cannot bend and meet someone halfway and be flexible you wont find happiness. Period. And you will likely chase off a lot of darn good potentials. I dont know how you do it because you always seem to get a lot of responses and dates from your online profile. Do you know how many of the men here who are not having luck would LOVE to trade places with you and be very flexible for these ladies? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 26, 2008 Author Share Posted May 26, 2008 CD, can you spell out the reasoning for asking 15 this question? It has nothing to do with the post of his you quoted, or at least it doesn't seem to correlate at first glance. What does this have to do with you being upset over asking a question about your career goals? As for who i would prefer a call from, i know you are not asking me but i'll answer...why can't you talk to both? He made a comment about me not wanting to hear from a girl I haven't met yet which I think is ridiculous. I an meet her and not even be attracted to her so why do I need to hear from her while she is on the road right now?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 26, 2008 Author Share Posted May 26, 2008 Men on here are not having luck meeting girls online? Now that is bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
15 Storeys High Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 You amaze me. Your attitude is almost alarming. Perhaps online dating just isn't the way to go for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Men on here are not having luck meeting girls online? Now that is bad Most of the men here down and out on their luck don't even get responses to the emails they send. You should look at the fact that you DO get responses and even women going out with you in a little more positive of a light then what you do. Your negativity is just so overwhelming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 26, 2008 Author Share Posted May 26, 2008 Most of the men here down and out on their luck don't even get responses to the emails they send. You should look at the fact that you DO get responses and even women going out with you in a little more positive of a light then what you do. Your negativity is just so overwhelming. Well try and understand that it's easy to be negative when you have had 8 years of bad luck with dating Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
15 Storeys High Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 The thing is CD, this bad luck you speak of is more than likely your own doing if, in the past, you've acted the same way you do now towards dating and women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Well try and understand that it's easy to be negative when you have had 8 years of bad luck with dating WHich came first the chicken or the egg? Or in other words, maybe your negativity is why you are having such bad luck. Think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 26, 2008 Author Share Posted May 26, 2008 The thing is CD, this bad luck you speak of is more than likely your own doing if, in the past, you've acted the same way you do now towards dating and women. Yeah you are right, see the thing is I just jumped into dating without any guidance at 23 and been fumbling and bumbling ever since and that's one of the reasons I'm a member of this site because after a while you get sick of failing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
15 Storeys High Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Well, my advice to you is just try and chill out, go with the flow. You can be relaxed, friendly and approachable without compromising your morals or identity. Don't make rules or deadlines, don't set out some fancy timescale for different things. Just take it as it comes......be open to possibilities and new ways of doing things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Yeah you are right, see the thing is I just jumped into dating without any guidance at 23 and been fumbling and bumbling ever since and that's one of the reasons I'm a member of this site because after a while you get sick of failing Well you can't hold on to what happened at 23. The best of us didn't know what we were doing then. Thing is you HAVE been getting a lot of guidance the last few months here so hopefully you absorb it and apply it. The only thing you really need to adjust is your intolerance for these petty things. Stop making an issue out of silly things like being asked why you dont have art on your wall, or being asked a question about your career. Stop SELF SABOTAGING. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 If you had a choice between receiving call from someone you already met and seen twice calling you from the road or a person you just met online and haven't seen face to face, who would you prefer the call from? Is it possible that you simply got a call from the wrong girl? Meaning that you really wanted to hear from one girl and instead heard from another that you aren't all that interested in? I don't see anything wrong with her calling you for any particular reason or that she was asking certain questions about you. It seems to me that you simply just didn't want to hear from her. Heck, you should feel pretty dang good that this one was thinking of you and contacted you. A gal can't win. If the one you wanted to hear from had asked you that career question, I'm guessing you would have been so thrilled to hear from her that it wouldn't have bothered you. What do the rest of you guys think? Are there really "rules" of what to say when? I would never be able to play that game. I'm more of a go with the flow kind of person and would seriously mess up if there were such stringent rules... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 Yeah you are right, see the thing is I just jumped into dating without any guidance at 23 and been fumbling and bumbling ever since and that's one of the reasons I'm a member of this site because after a while you get sick of failing Last I looked there isn't a manual on dating... We all "jump in" at some point. I was married for 12 years and never dated prior to it. So I totally understand the confusion. My attitude is a little stringent, and somewhat cynical, too. But I don't blame the guys for trying. I'm just not ready to let someone in yet... Perhaps you are experiencing some form of commitment phobia? I have been reading the book "He's Scared, She's scared" and it's uncanny the things I have read that I do and the things people I've met do. I'm only now realizing that there are many things this one guy in particular has done to make me crazy, and somehow blamed me for it all. He's reluctant of saying yes and incapable of saying no. And I am left wondering what the heck I am doing wrong.... Now realizing that these are HIS issues, not mine... and there's nothing I can do. These rigid "rules" you have set in place will surely leave you alone forever unless you take time to get to know someone without immediately dismissing them for not knowing exactly how and when to say what. No woman or man can always say or do the right thing all the time. Even if you did meet the woman of your dreams, she's bound to do something that triggers your fight or flight response... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 wow. CD, you analyze waaaaay too much. i see this in every thread. but she was just making conversation. chill out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 ConfusedDater - - - - Is it possible that you are just not ready for dating? I'm curious - what would be the "perfect" conversation. What would be the "perfect" girl for you? What imperfections might you tolerate? Because it seems to me that you have this mental image and idea of exactly what you want and if someone doesn't fit (due to the time they call or what they talk about,) you cross them off the list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dream83 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 That's awful! People make mistakes, and if you like this gitl otherwise, I think it's something you can and should overlook. Maybe she was nervous and couldn't think of anything to say? Maybe she was trying to get to know you? There is absolutely no way that she could have known before hand that this would strike such a chord with you. Are you sure that there isn't some deeper underlying issue with dating or your view on women in general that's driving this? And to echo what others have said, I think you might be perpetuating your consistently bad luck (at least in this incident...can't speak for the others). This woman did absolutely nothing wrong, and you're ready to throw out any possible good that could come of getting to know her. Is there some other major thing about her that you don't like that you haven't mentioned? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confused25 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 I've been following your other posts on dating as well and you seem way too uptight. Maybe that is why you are having trouble finding someone? Relax bro! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 27, 2008 Author Share Posted May 27, 2008 ConfusedDater - - - - Is it possible that you are just not ready for dating? I'm curious - what would be the "perfect" conversation. What would be the "perfect" girl for you? What imperfections might you tolerate? Because it seems to me that you have this mental image and idea of exactly what you want and if someone doesn't fit (due to the time they call or what they talk about,) you cross them off the list. The perfect conversation is a conversation that is unscripted and has a relaxed and open and honest vibe to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
15 Storeys High Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 How can you tell if a conversation is scripted or unscripted? The truth is. You can't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 27, 2008 Author Share Posted May 27, 2008 How can you tell if a conversation is scripted or unscripted? The truth is. You can't. HUH?-lol I can tell by how it's FLOWING!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 HUH?-lol I can tell by how it's FLOWING!!!!! so you are reading from a script too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
15 Storeys High Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 No you can't. You wrongly assume that just because a conversation isn't flowing the way YOU want that it's scripted and you don't take into account 'getting to know someone nerves', the awkwardness of meeting or talking to someone new, the awkwardness of trying to find a common ground with a prospective date and all sorts of other things. Things aren't always going to be on your terms and you need to accept that. How many more times can I say that to you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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