ConfusedDater Posted May 25, 2008 Author Share Posted May 25, 2008 Do you have issues with what you do for a living or that you have no future plans? I really don't think that far ahead, I'm a 6 month goal kind of guy or a yeary goal. But 5 years is too far ahead for me to think of, and the main reason I don't want to think of it is because I will be 38 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 I really don't think that far ahead, I'm a 6 month goal kind of guy or a yeary goal. But 5 years is too far ahead for me to think of, and the main reason I don't want to think of it is because I will be 38 CD---I’m confused now. You're biggest concern is that you will be 5 years older? From a dating standpoint, and I hope you take this for what it's worth, but a 33 or 38 y/o man without any plans for his future is not going to score much with the ladies. Women like a man with at least some plan. They need to know that this guy has some interest in his future, that he will be stable and have the ability to provide for a family if he chooses to have one. They don't want to have to worry about a guy mooching off of them. Your comments remind me of a 40 y/o bachelor friend of mine that is going to be a bachelor the rest of his life because he's more into himself than any woman he's met. From your posts it doesn't sound like you want to be that man, but you are definitely showing signs that concern me that you will remain single, not because your standards are too high -- because there should be high standards, but because you are too afraid of true intimacy to ever let a girl know you. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's sounding that way to me... The short comments and the immediate dismissal due to one question that clearly touches a nerve? You sound like a man in change to me. Try reading this book "He's Scared, She's Scared". It's about people with commitment issues... and more people have them than you know--or even they know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jengh Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 if you let little things like this get to you, you'll be single forever. As everyone else has said, she was just making conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 I'm surprised you have your profile up for LTR. Seriously! You seem more in a space, to me at least, to be dating for less serious purposes. Those who are looking under "LTR" and say that up front, will generally be more focused in on things such as this. So in that context, I gotta say, it seems to me you are misrepresenting yourself a bit. If you are a think only to a few weeks ahead type of guy at this point, (won't necessarily be so forever), why not give simple "Dating" a try? If a guy has on this profile that he is looking for something serious, well, the people are more likely to want to know this stuff right off the bat. Why waste time? is how it goes...Waste time with too much fluff with a person who isn't even on the same career mind as you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 25, 2008 Author Share Posted May 25, 2008 The only thing anyone needs to know is that my five year plan is to still be professionally employed and finanicially stable and living on my own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 Then you aren't seeking a LTR. I wouldn't date a guy that is this vague and unwilling to share his interests or plans with me. It's classic fear of intimacy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 25, 2008 Author Share Posted May 25, 2008 Then you aren't seeking a LTR. I wouldn't date a guy that is this vague and unwilling to share his interests or plans with me. It's classic fear of intimacy. Well I'm sorry but I just don't like to talk about that kind of stuff when I first meet someone. If that answer is not good enough then I don't know what else to say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 Well, I'm just pointing that out as it may give you more success to search under regular "dating" instead of LTR. Maybe you have tried that already tho? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 Well I'm sorry but I just don't like to talk about that kind of stuff when I first meet someone. If that answer is not good enough then I don't know what else to say It is still your perogative and that's cool to change the subject. But your original post sounded like it turned you off enough to never ever talk to this gal again.... which seemed kind of harsh to me...? So maybe you could just say that you're not sure where things will be because a lot can happen in 5 years... I think your response to her was fine... actually. It was the reaction that we all are concerned with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 25, 2008 Author Share Posted May 25, 2008 It is still your perogative and that's cool to change the subject. But your original post sounded like it turned you off enough to never ever talk to this gal again.... which seemed kind of harsh to me...? So maybe you could just say that you're not sure where things will be because a lot can happen in 5 years... I think your response to her was fine... actually. It was the reaction that we all are concerned with. Actually she just did something else ODD. She just called me from the road to say she was on her way to cookout which was confusing because we haven't met yet so the convo wasn't going to be but 5 min so I just don't understand why she couldn't just call later on tonight-lol Now if I meet you and we click and have 2 dates and you make a call like that i would like it a lot but not when we have yet to meet face to face. I call those pointless phone calls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 CD, it sounds like at the very least, she is a bit tactless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 I am not sure I would consider her tactless...I think perhaps she is just eccentric. Eccentric people tend to do out of the norm things that can be somewhat gauche...that doesn't mean she has bad intent...it is just her way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 The only thing anyone needs to know is that my five year plan is to still be professionally employed and finanicially stable and living on my own. hey CD - i understand why the 'interview' style questions put you off. however, i have asked you this question before, and you've never actually answered me. i think you should, if not to me, but to yourself. what are you ACTUALLY looking for? what kind of woman is the type you are looking for? is she athletic and independent? a world traveler and reader? a future stay-at-home mom and wife? a high powered business woman? i think you need to think more about what you are actually looking for out of your life, from your partner, before you can really get anywhere. i see that you keep excluding women for having some strange characteristic - like this one, asking 'interview' style questions. but what if she is a perfect match for you other than that? people don't react the way you expect them to, they are not mind readers. write down a list of the 5 things you MUST have in a future partner. what are they? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
servedcold Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 Then you aren't seeking a LTR. I wouldn't date a guy that is this vague and unwilling to share his interests or plans with me. It's classic fear of intimacy. Umm, "classic fear of intimacy?" with someone met online and talked to twice?? This kind of question is legitimate before deciding to date someone exclusively or form a traditional relationship, but not on a second phone call. Is it a great big deal? No, but in context of the conversation, which we weren't privy to, if all CD got from an early phone chat with this woman was a sense of being grilled about his career aspirations and a full length photo, no charm or humor otherwise, or anything to equal out her intrusiveness, he's being perfectly reasonable in not pursuing further contact. I wouldn't either. There are lots of acceptable ways to ask someone about their work early on: "Do you enjoy your work?" "Do you like the people you work with?" "How did you get into ____?" "Any funny work stories to share?" Not "What are your career aspirations over the next five years?" I expect women to earn my intimacy, and hope they expect me to earn theirs... this process takes time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Agree 100%. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladyblue07 Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Actually she just did something else ODD. She just called me from the road to say she was on her way to cookout which was confusing because we haven't met yet so the convo wasn't going to be but 5 min so I just don't understand why she couldn't just call later on tonight-lol Sounds like she likes you. She was probably thinking about you and just wanted to say hi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 26, 2008 Author Share Posted May 26, 2008 Sounds like she likes you. She was probably thinking about you and just wanted to say hi. Yeah but I prefer stuff like that after we have met. It would have been nice to get a call like that from the girl I been on 2 dates with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Yeah but I prefer stuff like that after we have met. It would have been nice to get a call like that from the girl I been on 2 dates with. CD, what happened to the woman that went out of town for vacation then came back? Are you still dating her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 26, 2008 Author Share Posted May 26, 2008 CD, what happened to the woman that went out of town for vacation then came back? Are you still dating her? I decided to wait until after Tuesday, she doesn't have to know I have no memorial day plans-lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Here we go again. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 26, 2008 Author Share Posted May 26, 2008 Here we go again. LOL Well I'm on vacation right now and don't feel like talking to a girl I'm trying to impress. I want to enjoy my last 2 days of my vacation and go back to that after Wednesday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 I decided to wait until after Tuesday, she doesn't have to know I have no memorial day plans-lol Well--I was just asking because it sounded like a promising situation. Good luck with her...it sounds like she likes you and you like her so I hope that works out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Well I'm on vacation right now and don't feel like talking to a girl I'm trying to impress. I want to enjoy my last 2 days of my vacation and go back to that after Wednesday Then why did you take her call or call her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 26, 2008 Author Share Posted May 26, 2008 Then why did you take her call or call her? What I'm saying is i'm not in a impressing mood right now so I will call her on wed after my vacation is over and try and set up another date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
15 Storeys High Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Aren't you the same guy that got a bee up his butt because a girl asked him what he was doing on a friday or saturday night? Seriously, you really need to stop being so rigid about this. You seem to have a timescale set out for every single little detail. She can't ask a career question until you've been on four dates. She can't phone you for a short conversation until you've been on two dates. Do you see how rediculous that is? Just relax and go with the flow for once. If she asks a question, then just answer it. Don't get your knickers in a twist and proclaim she is stupid and that you will never ever talk to her ever again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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