wurth_skidder Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 it is not overboard.. believe me! The woman in general loves confident, cocky guys if they like smart/cocky guys...I accept I have a very sarcastic humor but always turn on the woman. You have to know how to time it and smooth it out, and then steer her into the conversation where you want. but your suggestion is cool too cheers eric By overboard, I just meant it's a little long winded, and thereforeeee she might start to think you're being serious by the time you finally get to the part where you tell her you're kidding. I didn't mean to suggest that your approach was bad, just long winded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 Did you tell her not to ask about your career plan or about supplying photos? Because just expecting her to talk only according to your rules of conversation is reaching a bit. Maybe you could send her a list of verboten topics? Would I ask that question? It really would depend on what direction the conversation had taken. Can I assume that it didn't come entirely out of left field? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 Did you tell her not to ask about your career plan or about supplying photos? Because just expecting her to talk only according to your rules of conversation is reaching a bit. Maybe you could send her a list of verboten topics? She should know to kep the conversation light and fun. And by asking questions like this only raises my expectations when I meet you face to face Do I have any full length body pics? If i had them I would think she would have seen them on my profile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaylaJoy Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 I was out recently with someone I had known for a very long time, we were on a "friend date", this was someone I once had a relationship with also a couple of years ago, and I asked him this question and he got mad and gave me the finger! I thought it was a perfectly normal conversational piece, and he took it as me calling him a loser I guess! He hasn't spoken a word to me since that night, including wouldn't respond to a text and an email I sent. The moral to the story? I bet ya I won't ever ask THAT question again!! I didn't know it was such a big deal, but I guess I can see where he took if offensively, since he is 28 years old, works less than 40 hrs/week and still lives at home with his mom and dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 She should know to kep the conversation light and fun. ~rolls eyes~ Why should she know that? You're being vetted here, she has standards for who she wants to date and if you aren't up to those standards she's not going to bother. She wants to know whether you're worth her time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 ~rolls eyes~ Why should she know that? You're being vetted here, she has standards for who she wants to date and if you aren't up to those standards she's not going to bother. She wants to know whether you're worth her time. I'm going to start dating women from 23-28, No more women 31 years old-and over right now, because so many of them in that age bracket give off the-"I"M LOOKING TO GET MARRIED" vibe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lana0120 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 You're overreacting. No offense Confused Dater, but it isn't the women you speak to who are the problem... it's your attitude. You're incredibly defensive and get annoyed at the slightest of provocations. If you don't change your attitude you're going to continue to be very lonely, is all I can say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaylaJoy Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 You're overreacting. No offense Confused Dater, but it isn't the women you speak to who are the problem... it's your attitude. You're incredibly defensive and get annoyed at the slightest of provocations. If you don't change your attitude you're going to continue to be very lonely, is all I can say. Ha!! I love this!! I wish you could have told this to my "friend date" who gave me the finger two weeks ago when I asked him this very question!! Perfectly said!! I love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
servedcold Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 You're being vetted here, she has standards for who she wants to date and if you aren't up to those standards she's not going to bother. She wants to know whether you're worth her time. I agree with CD 100% on this. CD, don't allow women to "vet" you at all early on, especially before meeting. It is rude, and not one iota of her business at this point. Next time you get a question like that, and you feel the call turning into an interview, ask her what her cup size is... She has every right to be concerned with things like the honesty of your profile, that you speak to her respectfully, that you sound fun or interesting, that you aren't a creep or weirdo... but that's IT at this point. And the "where do you see your career in five years'" is blatantly over the line, not light convo... If you really like her otherwise, and feel she is not really grilling, but trying to make conversation, ignore the question or deflect it with humor and move on. Give her a couple of chances, as people can ask or say inappropriate things when nervous. Odds are, though, this one is a mercenary, you will know if a pattern of this type of grilling emerges... Don't allow yourself to be treated like a job applicant sitting nervously in front of a HR manager. As long as you can take her out on a date and treat her well, she has no business meddling into your finances or career plans at this point. I think you were right to be annoyed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 Best post of 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 Best post of 2008 You just think it's the best post b/c youfinally found someone to agree with you instead of telling you you're wrong all the time. I agree that her career path question was a little too interview like, but have some fun with questions like that, as others have suggested. Tease her for being so formal, but in a flirty way. Things like that open up little lines for teasing and flirting so try it out next time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 I think especially given the fact that she also asked for a full-length picture of you...she sounds like kind of a weirdo to me or at least she's tactless. Not worth another conversation, IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 I think especially given the fact that she also asked for a full-length picture of you...she sounds like kind of a weirdo to me or at least she's tactless. Not worth another conversation, IMO. i think a face shot and a full length view should be standard for an online profile. i don't like it when someone only has a face shot and you can't see the rest of their body. i know i've asked for other pictures when i've gotten a response from a profile, and the guy is wearing sunglasses and a baseball hat. i couldn't pick him out of a crowd at a coffee shop, how are we supposed to meet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 i think a face shot and a full length view should be standard for an online profile. i don't like it when someone only has a face shot and you can't see the rest of their body. i know i've asked for other pictures when i've gotten a response from a profile, and the guy is wearing sunglasses and a baseball hat. i couldn't pick him out of a crowd at a coffee shop, how are we supposed to meet? At one point in this thread CD said "Wouldn't I post a full-length pic on my profile if I had one?" Well, we don't know that. So many guys withold pictures on their profiles b/c they don't want to bother putting them up. I think asking for another picture is standard and ok. I have a specific body type that I like, so I want to know what his body looks like--not naked of course, but how he dresses, carries himself, weight, etc, as a full-lenght pic shows a lot more about the person than his face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 i think a face shot and a full length view should be standard for an online profile. i don't like it when someone only has a face shot and you can't see the rest of their body. i know i've asked for other pictures when i've gotten a response from a profile, and the guy is wearing sunglasses and a baseball hat. i couldn't pick him out of a crowd at a coffee shop, how are we supposed to meet? Oh I didn't realize this was common online dating etiquette. I assumed that if you can see a clear picture of someone's face, you can pick them out and that should be enough and if you're interested based on what you can see from their face and their profile, you can tell the rest when you meet up. I haven't spent much time w/online dating though so I defer to you guys who do have the experience with it to speak on this. I guess I was wrong in saying that she lacked tact. I hadn't realized this was how things are done w/online dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 Oh I didn't realize this was common online dating etiquette. I assumed that if you can see a clear picture of someone's face, you can pick them out and that should be enough and if you're interested based on what you can see from their face and their profile, you can tell the rest when you meet up. I haven't spent much time w/online dating though so I defer to you guys who do have the experience with it to speak on this. I guess I was wrong in saying that she lacked tact. I hadn't realized this was how things are done w/online dating. well, one face shot is mandatory (in my opinion), along with a full body shot. i know i had black and white photos at one time, and a guy requested i put some up in color! well, only maybe because i asked him first to put up a photo in which he wasn't wearing a hat and sunglasses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 i think a face shot and a full length view should be standard for an online profile. i don't like it when someone only has a face shot and you can't see the rest of their body. i know i've asked for other pictures when i've gotten a response from a profile, and the guy is wearing sunglasses and a baseball hat. i couldn't pick him out of a crowd at a coffee shop, how are we supposed to meet? In my main photo it's a clear shot of me from the chest up with my shoulders in the shot. Pretty much the same view you have of a news anchor when watching the News. Now if all I had was a pic of my HEAD like i seen in some girls profile then I would need to see other pics Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 Well, I think the online dating site photos should be like a beaty pageant and beefcake pageant. For the women there needs to be the bikini shot and the evening gown shot...and their profile has to talk about how they want to solve world hunger. For the men, it has to be full body shots as well, shirtless, with a skimpy speedo bathing suit and they have to have several poses like they do in the body building competitions. Their profile has to have the obligatory he man grunts like Arnold. As for the 5 year plan question..yeah, I do agree it is a bit too interview-like when you don't know the person...but it is not something I would consider a deal breaker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 You mean to tell me with this being ou second conversation on a friday night and withmeorial day weekend being here and the summer season approacing there was nothing else for her to ask but that?_LOL Wow.... this seems pretty petty to get so upset over and dump a girl over. So what if it was a Friday night or a holiday weekend? If you hardly know her, this seems like simple "getting to know you" talk... Personally, if a guy was to make that big of a stink about his future, I would wonder if he had any plans for his future... and not be interested in a guy without a plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 The other question was "Do I have any full length body pictures" See I'm starting to learn that when it comes to most women, it's never enough for them to be satisfied. It wasn't enough hat I have a nice clear pic of my face from the chest up? Now my body structure has to be analyzed? CD-- you sound a little irritated with the whole dating thing in general... and your screen name says no differently Dating is difficult. It's hard to get to know someone without actually meeting them. Personally, I don't care for the online thing... you spend all this time emailing, IM'ing, talking on the phone, and THEN you meet and realize you aren't even attracted to the person... Trying to see if you are emotionally compatible is even more difficult. I would have had been excited to hear that a guy I was interested was actually interested enough in me to ask about my future... I would think he was thinking more long-term, not just the standard one-night stand. She may have been investigating her own values as they compare to yours. Whether she wants a career man or one that isn't overly obsessed with being the career man, she would never know if she didn't ask... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 Your answer should depend on how much you like the girl. That question would make most guys uncomfortable, but if you like the girl enough, you should just shrug it off in a sarcastic manner. The way the other guy suggested handling it is a little overboard. I would have gone with, "I'll discuss that with you right around the same time we're discussing the names of our kids." Let her know it's too soon to talk about such plans with her by showing her how ridiculous it is to ask that during a second phone call. If you don't want to discuss it, why do you have to shrug it off or something? Why not just be honest and say something to the effect that you aren't really in the mood to discuss it and change the subject? Not everything has to be "all fun all the time"... I like to gauge a guys intellect and wouldn't think twice about asking that kind of question. The one's that have goals and a plan to get there would turn me on the most! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wurth_skidder Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 If you don't want to discuss it, why do you have to shrug it off or something? Why not just be honest and say something to the effect that you aren't really in the mood to discuss it and change the subject? Not everything has to be "all fun all the time"... I like to gauge a guys intellect and wouldn't think twice about asking that kind of question. The one's that have goals and a plan to get there would turn me on the most! Not all women respond the way you would. Sometimes, it's better to say "I'm not ready to discuss this issue right now" by joking about it. It's still honest, but it's more playful so it'll come accross less intense that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 If you don't want to discuss it, why do you have to shrug it off or something? Why not just be honest and say something to the effect that you aren't really in the mood to discuss it and change the subject? Not everything has to be "all fun all the time"... I like to gauge a guys intellect and wouldn't think twice about asking that kind of question. The one's that have goals and a plan to get there would turn me on the most! I didn't do that because that would have changed the mood of the convo. I put a comedy twist on it and did a good job of hiding that I was irritated by question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 I didn't do that because that would have changed the mood of the convo. I put a comedy twist on it and did a good job of hiding that I was irritated by question. Why were you so irritated by that question? Is there pressure on you from some other avenue about career goals?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedDater Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 Why were you so irritated by that question? Is there pressure on you from some other avenue about career goals?? Because I don't feel like discussing my career plans with someone I barely know and haven't met yet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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