I thought he liked me....what gives? Frustrated...wordy...but need answers :(

[independantgal]

So, please try to understand and not "full throttle" me here. I met a guy online about a year ago. Although I tryed to be careful with it because of the dangers that come along with it...

 

um...I sis a "made up" identity...I didn't really have an intention of bringing him into my life i just thought he was "nice" to talk to, he cheered me up etc. so i just thought....why not?

 

Was quite hm, well, i made a fake MSN account that i just went on every now and then if i thought about him...I gave out all false info said i was at university etc. And yes before anyone says anything it was a dumb thing to do...I shoudnt have done it but i was just very scared about being careful.

 

However it all back fired on me because about five months ago we started really getting to know each other..and i realised our personalitys really clicked and so did he....it looked like. I gave him my number...we text, then started to do it more etc. Then when i was upset i confided in him and he helped me a great deal and was always there for me...my feelings got stronger and stonger...i knew he was a genuine guy...a lovely person. He only lives an hour away and asked me about meeting up in the summer and if i have ever thought about an 'us' (we are both 18 and in our last year of college)

 

I realised....I needed to tell him who the real me was...I wanted him to be a part of my life. I text him one night and told him then I needed to speak to him when he was next free. He text me back saying ok well, you can call me whenever? i asked if we could do it 'online' as it would be better for me to get my words out. Basically i told him everything....i'd lied about my name, age (by one year) that i went to uni but didnt was in college etc...

 

He told me he didnt know what to say he was very confused and the person he thought he knew he doesnt and he has no idea what to think.

 

We talked it over....i said that the personality is all me...just the details werent. He decided he was going to accept it because in his words he didnt want to lose me. I told him whatever time/space he needed was fine with me. He said he might be quieter for a while but talking to me would help.

 

Our bond immediatley became evident however minutes after talking again and everything was going great...he still txt me, and take note he did it every single day and i havent really noticed a change in his behaviour.

 

Tonight we were talking...online. I was a little upset about my friend that i used to be close with who is now being distant with me. I told him about how this seems to happen with every guy i get close to in a friendship sense, i dont think i do anything wrong and i dont know why it happens....it hurts me. He told me not to worry i will find 'someone' that doesnt do this.

 

I told him that I couldnt see that etc. Anyway it all resulted in me telling him that he should get rid of me...he said 'why?' I told him tht every guy i get close to just leaves anyway that he should save me the drama and just ditch me' he said 'your forgetting that i dont want to ditch you'. I said 'in time you'll get bored like the rest and once again i wont know why but hey ho'

 

Then i poured my feelings out to him telling him that ill only get hurt by all this, because i like him mch more then a friend but he probobly doesnt feel the same way and the distance makes it complicated, im a stupid girl'

 

He then says ' you are anything but stupid and I dont see you as a "girl" anyway your an adult your a woman"'

 

Before any of this he kept telling me how tired he was and he needed to go because he was falling asleep at the computer..i just continued to pour this out to him. After the woman part he then said 'night' and i said 'not the answer i was hoping for but oh well'. He didnt even respond...just signed off.

 

I thought that doing that would give him the opportunity to maybe tell me he had feelings back...im really confused...maybe im being selfish that he has to get used to this lie i told....or maybe he cant see me that way now because of trust....but hes been txting me EVERYDAY?! and wanting to get into contact with me ALL THE TIME, and flirting it looks like to me?!

 

I dont understand help?!

 

Btw i know i messed up with the identity thing....so please dont be too harsh with me about that....

[annie24]

1 - yes, you messed up about the identity thing. big time!!! and 2 - you messed up with telling him that 'guys always leave you.' you're sending a bad message to him, that you aren't loveable or worthy of love, so why should he bother? is a guy who says to you, 'women don't ifnd me attractive' - is that a turn on? you'd be like, 'please, that's pathetic.' and also, it's a turn off if you are interested in that person. it's like they are talking to you as a friend, not as a romantic partner, that you don't see potential there.

[shadesofmediocrity]

You're taking sudden leaps and bounds cool off a bit perhaps. I imagine to him it was a lot of pressure, to be forcing your insecurity on him, fishing for some sort of validation. That's not something anybody likes to deal with and it's totally understandable he'd be a little awkward about it.

You could apologize to him and try your best to get yourself calmed down and remain casual. You've never actually met him, though you may feel really close to him. It might be a good idea to see how your tentative plans work out before deciding how serious you are.

Best of luck.

[CaptainNapalm]

Ummmm, lol, I think you're over reacting just a bit here.... ok over reacting alot. Seems to me by what you've just wrote that everything is going fine and just because he didn't want to pour his feelings all out on you when you did doesn't mean he's not interested. Please don't ruin what great chances you have with him by being over analytical and paranoid as it seems to me he is still very into you, texting you everyday etc. So just try to relax and cheer up a bit and I'm sure everything will work out just fine. Seriously, deosn't seem like anything is all that wrong. Good luck!

[independantgal]

Sorry changing my post..hes into me? I didnt know whether to talk to him about what i said and just ask him outright how he felt...although now that seems like a bit of a bad idea...

[greywolf]

I think he may have liked you but you probably scared him off. If you didn't want him to stop talking to you shouldn't have told him to get rid of you.

[greywolf]

And about the identity thing, next time just tell the person that you aren't comfortable sharing that information with them yet.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It sounds to me like you are majorly insecure and are even going out of your way to sabotage this relationship. Perhaps you should think long and hard about how you come accross...because maybe if you start developing self esteem, people won't bail on you. I would certainly get very irritated with someone if they kept putting themselves down and encouraging the other person to walk away.

[independantgal]

He hasn't stopped talking to me, its not as though hes just blocked me or whatever. Been a little worried this morning though because he hasnt text me or tryed to get into contact with me.

 

Your right crazyaboutdogs, i have issues. Whenever im not in a rship or "into" anyone I am completley fine. Always happy, making jokes I think i'm a genuine nice, friendly person. Although whenever I get into anything with a guy for some reason I become very insecure. I manage to hold back a lot of my feelings and they never surface, but i've been hurt in the past where guys have just "got bored" and stopped making as much effort with me and I have no idea why? I honestly don't feel like I change at all. Ever since those moments i've been extremley insecure about it. I met a guy once and we both confided in each other about never finding the right people and he seemed to think exactly the same thing as me. Things went great for a few months then he just got bored? and i got 'friendzoned'.

 

I'm just never proved wrong and before i go into anything new I just think that this person will be no different then the rest, it just hurts because I honestly believe that I do not change and I do not show any kind of insecurity to them. This has been the only exception... I REALLY LIKE this guy. I just don't want to get hurt AGAIN!

[christinesee]

I can understand that if you have been hurt before that you will be a bit leary when entering a new R, however if you keep comparing your past relationships to a new one, you are not going to get anywhere. I think you need to learn how to trust more. Good luck.

[david_01]

I do think that you shouldn't have made stuff up about yourself as it would have been better, as has already been said, if you had told him that you didn't want to answer certain questions. I do understand though your reasons for doing it as you were doing it for fun initially and didn't expect something to come of it and I would hope that he understands that and appreciates the fact that you trust and respect him enough now to tell all.

 

With regards to you saying that guys leave you etc, one has to be a bit "cool" when it comes to early relationships, as laying your cards fully out on the table isn't the best thing to do. I think with some people it's almost the uncertainty of it all that motivates peoples feelings to develop and the mystery of what may or may not happen can be intriguing.

I know for myself that if the "chase" element is not there I can lose interest. I'm not suggesting that you play games at all but I think that everyone is wired differently and for some, saying too much too soon can be a real turn - off.

 

Also by saying that guys don't stay with you and that he should leave you, you're speaking from a weak position rather than a strong position and that won't instill him with much confidence in you.

I think you should let him contact you for a while and lay back a bit, don't be too eager about it all.

 

I think at 18 you won't have found the right person yet, I didn't have my first proper relationship till I was 23. Reason being that I had one not so great relationship and decided to hold out until I really met someone that I wanted to be with and it was worth it.

 

Don't worry about meeting people but if you've had problems in the past each time consider what it could have been that made the person leave or what you could have done differently. Maybe it was because you seemed too eager at the time in which case try something different now and see where it takes you.

 

I know this is harder than it sounds but when we over analyze things and worry about things we can sometimes justify doing or saying something silly to get a reaction. Also using reverse psychology is kinda a bit obvious so he'd know what you were getting at.

 

I hope it goes well.