Bf never compliments me

[pumpkin_pie]

Thank you to everyone for the replies.

 

My bf and I are still together. Now it's been 3 and a half years. He still doesn't compliment my appearance much, but he has decreased his criticisms of my appearance a bit.

 

I used to compliment his appearance, but he wasn't comfortable with it. So I have stopped (unless we're going out to a nice event or something and he's dressed up). The compliments he gives me, when he gives them, are usually "I like your dress" or "You have a nice smile." I never hear: "You are beautiful" or "You look so pretty."

 

He is affectionate in other ways. He just doesn't tell me I'm beautiful or pretty in kind of an "overall" way. What I mean is that he only will compliment some part . . . a piece of clothing . . . a hairstyle. And that's rare anyway. That's what I feel like people do when they don't think someone's attractive but they try to find something to compliment. Like when someone shows you a photo of their spouse and say, "Isn't s/he cute?" And you try to come up with something nice to say.

 

To be fair, he doesn't compliment other women. I see him look at other women sometimes and I know he looks at porn (not excessively or anything . . . just an average amount, I assume). But he's not the type to go on and on about how hot Megan Fox is for example. I know he thinks she's hot, but he doesn't say "Wow, she's hot."

 

Maybe he doesn't really compliment women. He has told me that his ex girlfriend is prettier than I am. That hurt. I stupidly asked.

 

I think the posters who say that he is not attracted to me are sort of right. I think he finds me attractive somewhat . . . but not red hot.

 

Maybe he's ok with settling . . . but maybe he's not and will eventually realize he wants more. No talk of marriage proposals at this point.

 

I've talked with him about this and he says he does find me attractive. And I believe that he does. But he still can't bring himself to say I'm beautiful or pretty. That matters to me, but it's not a dealbreaker.

 

There are other indications that he's not 100% into me. Like I said, he's not hip to getting engaged anytime soon. There's a nice photo of the two of us I had framed. I have one on my desk at work for everyone to see. He keeps his hidden behind some other stuff on a small shelf in his desk at home. He is somewhat cheap in his gifts to me. Our first date? We split the bill. I'm ok with paying my way. I don't like it that he is cheap with me . . . paying very little for gifts for me at Christmas, for example.

 

He is otherwise very good to me and generous in non-monetary ways. He is interested in my ideas and thoughts. We have fun together. The only thing that is missing is that I don't feel he "treasures" me. Maybe that's unrealistic. I treasure him, though. I don't mind spending a lot on him or putting him first. I think I put him first too much. I don't want to be a game-playing girlfriend. But I feel like he's taking advantage and I'm being a doormat.

[SocialStigma]

I think you care about him a lot more than he cares about you. He doesn't sound as serious as you do about your relationship, as in you are a girlfriend but not someone who he thinks could potentially be his soulmate/"the one".

 

It would really hurt me if my boyfriend hid pictures of us..and making you go dutch for the first date? Wow. I don't follow the belief that men should always pay for women but at least for the first date I would expect him to pay (assuming he is the one who asked you out).

[Go Habs Go]

Men are often taught that giving compliments is a sign of weakness and that it comes accross as "nice". Of course, this is a PUA tactic but it is one that works often. If he never gave a compliment nor a criticism, that would be one thing. But he has criticized you and that is wrong. We all could use constructive criticism every once in awhile, but there's nothing constructive about the criticism you received.

[hexaemeron]

Well, it sounds like he's just not an expressive man in any regard. Doesn't express affection with money, with communication, with... well, anything. That's just who he is.

 

He sounds very logical and pragmatic. Not at all emotionally-driven. So yes, OP, if you ask questions, you better be okay with hearing all possible answers.

 

What do you think about yourself? If you're trying to get a confidence boost or self-esteem from him, then yeah, I can see why you'd be upset. It's your job to be confident, not his.