Being female is so unfair...

[JadedStar]

Any thread that starts like this one is about generalisations. And, like so many generalisations, have no particular relevance for individuals in their individual situations.

 

True, the entire thread is about generalizations, and as such since generalizations are typically useless seems it would be best to try to counter them vs create more of them. Tad frustrating!

[musicguy]

we generalize things too much. I'm even guilty of doing it, but, wouldn't things be much better if we didn't generalize or judge people so much and have such emphasis on physical appearance or is this just something that I think of in my little utopia

[servedcold]

Taking issue some with the OP...

 

In the U.S. at least, a woman who is average looking, average fitness level, average in success, can attract plenty of men from the upper echelons of desirability. The reverse is definitely not the case. The average man has to work much harder in the dating game than the average woman. For example, men's standards of a "nice body" are extremely easy to meet... don't be overweight. Women's standards of a nice body are much more rigorous, many expecting the man to be "cut," a difficult state to maintain, and can include things like height, which is totally beyond a man's control. There are very few men who have to have a certain breast size or leg length in women (sure they exist, but not many), but lots of women who demand a certain height. I experience this at almost 5'11", and can only wonder how tough it is for men 5'8" or shorter. A short man has to really excel in other areas to be generally attractive to the majority of women. Women just don't face anything equivalent. (not even going to get into sexual equipment size here)

 

Moreover, men will find a woman who is available to him and content himself with that. Women, though, will fight over the upper 5% of men, with many women I know turning down men right and left or settling til something better comes along. Some men think like this, most don't. Many women I know, even some who are married with families, are still waiting for George Clooney to pull up in their driveway with a bouquet, and consider average men in their range as just not good enough. Men aren't the primary "upgraders" in the dating game; women are. Even a little reading here on ENA demonstrates this.

 

Will catch some hell for this, but most of the things women do to better their looks are superfluous to men. Men generally don't require women to wear designer clothes and shoes, expensive makeup, have perfect hair, etc., so why do women do it? Simple... to compete with other women. Nothing wrong with this, but let's not try to lay this particular social phenomenon at mens' doors, we have enough stigma as it is.

 

We like you to look nice, but can't tell a $50 pair of shoes from a $500 pair, could care less about the nuances of your nail shade, can't tell the difference between a $80 hair coloring job and a $300 job, have no idea whether you use a $5 facial cream or a $50 one. All that effort isn't for us, you can have us much easier... it's for you and the competition with your GFs.

 

Turning to work and careers, I'm sure there are a few exceptions, but most men do not judge women on their career track or success to near the level that women judge men. As long as you have an honest job that you enjoy, we could care less whether you are making $40,000 or $400,000. It's very rare to hear of a man leaving a woman for a woman who makes much more, or is more successful or powerful in her career for this reason alone. The reverse is definitely not the case. Most men have had the experience of losing a woman to a wealthier, more powerful man (from high school on), even when the relationship is fine otherwise. Such cases are all over ENA (the office affair with the supervisor or boss).

 

Many of my male friends without degrees or high paying jobs are basically persona non grata in the dating game unless they are extremely good looking or charming. It's not at all uncommon to see a man with a "good" job dating a woman who has a low paying job, but the reverse? LOL, it's almost never the case to see a woman who makes a high income dating a man who doesn't earn much unless he is extremely handsome, charming, or has some non-monetary value associated with his job.

 

Turning to culture and the media, men are villainized in their failings and desires, hyper-analyzed, dissected, etc. Women are not, but are told they can do anything, can choose and rechoose their life path without consequence or accountability. There has never been a more culturally pampered human being in history than the modern U.S. female. Perhaps this is just exchange for the decades, even centuries that women had few choices in life, and were mistreated socially. Contemporary men had nothing to do with that treatment, yet suffer for it. Good for you, ladies, enjoy it while it lasts, but don't try to complain about an extremely favorable status quo.

 

Personally, I have lost jobs, school admissions, etc. to women in situations where I was far and away more qualified and experienced, just happen to be the wrong sex for the quota. Then, once I have a job, have watched as women flagrantly use sex to manipulate office politics, and may as not leave after a couple of years to return home and raise children, coming back whenever they please due to legal protections. Again, we accept that this is fair reprisal for the past, even though it's a past we didn't have a hand in, and love you still, but please let's not claim women have it -tough- in the current U.S. culture, dating, work or otherwise. You don't know what "tough" is until you've walked in the shoes of a modern U.S. male.

 

Ladies, we love you, and want to be with you in ways that are counter to our baser instincts, we are trying to change ourselves to accommodate you and your desires. We want to be happy with you... but please, kvetching about the "sad" state of women in modern U.S. culture is a bit much, don't you think?

[metallicastr2k]

this just shows how retarded society is.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Go, for it baby. Dont forget to flutter your eyelashes and giggle a lot.

 

They won't care you know all about orbits and trajectories an' all.

 

Teehee.... Blink blink, the Martians are all short, right? Teehhee. The Earth is the center of the solar system and the moon is white cheddar?

[JadedStar]

A career doesn't have to be professional it just needs involve progression and usually span a period of a person life.

 

I just think women are more likely to have careers. Leading to a shortage of suitable men as those women also desire men with careers.

 

edit: which may explain the OP's frustration.

 

Do you really think a gorgeous woman who is chosen for a receptionist job has a better chance at becoming a corporate leader or doctor than someone who never had a receptionist job? If the woman who is a receptionist is not smart or educated her looks are only going to get her but so far.

 

Sure it might help her get that receptionist job but as others have mentioned to many that is a job, not a career. To those who are receptionists who want to continue to do that as they like that kind of work, that is great. But most people are looking to make more money than this role can provide, even to someone who is very smart and good at what they do there is only so much money a receptinoist can make.

[shikashika]

There are people to whom a receptionist position is not 'just a job'. Not everyone aspires or even wants to be a doctor/lawyer/engineer. My friend's mum has been a receptionist for 35 years and I wouldn't like to say oh it's 'just' a job, not a career. It's a career for her!

[JadedStar]

There are people to whom a receptionist position is not 'just a job'. Not everyone aspires or even wants to be a doctor/lawyer/engineer. My friend's mum has been a receptionist for 35 years and I wouldn't like to say oh it's 'just' a job, not a career. It's a career for her!

 

Maybe you MISSED this part of my post:

 

To those who are receptionists who want to continue to do that as they like that kind of work, that is great.

 

It is not just a job to those who decide to do it longterm, but any job that pays $8.00 to $10.00 an hour is not going to be a career to the majority.

 

I believe i mentioned that "most" people, not all, in my former post as well. Most people do not have the luxury of being able to make that wage their entire lives and live comfortably. Perhaps she has a husband bringing in some income as well. Single people have a hard time meeting their bills and living to a standard they set for themselves at a job that pays very little. Those who can, more power to them. My first job was a receptionist and there are days I long for a job like that again without pressure of deadlines. I climbed the ladder but it wasn't becuase i was a receptionist the company deemed attractive. It was because i worked harder than my peers who were doing the same job and going to school at night to obtain a degree in the field i aspired to work in.

[renaissancewoman101]

Sometimes being a receptionist is a way to get a "foot in the door" at some prestigious companies, and then once established there, transferring to different depts.

 

I do think both sexes do suffer from having to deal with issues requisite to their own sex. Sometimes single men think it is better to be married and have a family (shows they're "normal"), so as to be able to rise up the corporate ladder). I was just having that conversation with my friend at dinner last night. Women think having family and kids HINDERS them from rising up the corporate ladder.

 

In terms of looks and dressing up, to each is his own. My ex didn't care if I dressed up or not, actuallly he would probably have been happier if I dressed up Goth like him a lot of times.

 

We are all different and that is what makes us unique.

[Pegasus]

 

Your post is the best on this theme I ever red on this site even I am not a U.S. Male nor do I date U.S.Females (well, I did date one but that does not count)

[Superfreak]

I do think that generally the average woman (in terms of looks) has it easier then the average man (in terms of looks) when it comes to dating for reasons that have been repeated over and over. I'm not yet in the full time work force as I'm still completing my degree, but in terms of $hitty part-time jobs that students have to work, women definitely get the better end of the stick. Restaurant serving, retail work, part-time office work is all dominated by women and the only really equally paying alternative for guys is factory work which is infinitely cruddier to work then the above. Also, women working manual labour jobs at least in my experience are usually pretty much exempted from doing any difficult manual labour. I don't want to generalize too much since I do know that their are alot of honest hard working women out there doing manual labour jobs and doing them just as well as or better then the men, but just from the manual labour job I held the women weren't expected to do any lifting at all. So right now, the "women get it worse when it comes to jobs" doesn't hold any water for me, although again that may change as I graduate school and am exposed to the full time job market.

 

One area that's been mentioned is that a woman sleeping around is a * * * * , while a man that does gets respect. While it's true this is unfair, it's also the case that it's far more difficult for a man to get sex in the first place compared to a woman. Think about how many women complain about men being too sexually aggressive on a first meeting. Men don't complain about this because for the majority of men, it just never happens. Just from personal experience, which I know doesn't count for much, I know far more male virgins at my age then I do female one's. And for the female one's it's definitely by choice while for the males, it definitely isn't.

 

Both genders face challenges, but really I can't help but wince when I hear women talking about the burdens of having to look hot.

[itsallgrand]

I'll tell you the truth of how I feel about this. As a woman, yo!

 

It's enough having to put up with listening, dealing, and having to go through all the junk of other people who come to us in life saying "it's my gender that makes this so hard for me to do! It's my race, my skin color, you don't know..."

 

So I try really hard not to do it myself. Not always perfect, but it's awkward for other people when you bring this into the convo/situation "it's not fair being female".

 

More often than not, what you are doing is opening up the floor for others to scream all the injustices (real or not) they feel they are living with, but not in any productive way. In a way that has them feeling more and more misunderstood and like all the power is sucked away some how.

 

I just don't think it's good for anybody to start saying this. If you'd like to vent you can always say "Today it does not feel fair to be me" and it cuts out a lot of the crap.

 

Y'know what I mean?

 

Just my take. And yes, I do think people suffer their share of injustices and some groups more than others...but I don't think it's unfair being a woman bc some people in this world might expect that I be dressed a certain way, or do this or that, and judge me accordingly.

 

If anything is unfair, it's having to live around so many people who act like victims so often. That's not a person thing to you - that's my generalization.

[StretchGee]

... my female friend who is married said how stressful it is to be female, we are working so hard to excel in our careers, yet we have the stress of going to the gym, eating right, wearing makeup, nice clothes...just to make a guy happy...a

 

If anything is unfair, it's having to live around so many people who act like victims so often. That's not a person thing to you - that's my generalization.

 

Harsh, but true. As a woman, if you are unhappy and blame another's perception and normal life stress you are in trouble. You become a victim and give up control of your life to others.

 

I pity your female friend's husband - when she 'breaks down' and becomes the real person she is he will be none too happy.

[GypsyMuse]

er.... he told me was that he gets more respect now in the workplace than he did as a female. that's kind of strange, and i hate to believe that is true. he said it's easier to give out orders at work being a man than being a woman. that makes me very sad to hear.

 

I was in an employment office once with a guy with no education and no previous job experience. He was in his mid-twenties and still was supported by his parents. I had work experience, good references, and a good education. The interviewer ignored me and was fawning all over this guy (without even looking at his application, which was scrawly and incomplete) and talking about management jobs. When it was my turn the only thing he wanted to know was if I could type, no talk of management jobs.

 

I also know a guy who flunked out of first year university (he spent too much time getting wasted at parties) who has a menial job now but, because of the setting, has to wear a white lab coat. Almost everyone refers to him as "doctor." He's done nothing to earn such a title. It takes many years of hard work to become a doctor, yet he automatically gets respect and is assumed to be a professional just because he is male. The women in the same building wearing the same lab coats are rarely referred to as "doctor" even though some of them are.

[thejigsup]

I say what I want, look like I want, work when I want, clean house like I want, and if a man doesn't like it...he can leave if he wants. I am in control of my life, not anyone else. If you are complaining, male or female, you are not in control of yours. And ladies, men don't seem to mind...at all.

[Dako]

^ With that sort of attitude, you just might just impress a guy who's given up on the helpless femmie roleplayers.

[sophie274]

I personally have never experienced (or think I have) any discrimination for being a woman, except when I was on an all-male team and suffered through the coach's sexist and downright vulgar comments ("come on sophie, do your pole dance", "guys if you win this race you can any woman you want", etc etc ...).

 

I do feel pressure (as a college student) as woman to be able to do well in my studies, extracurriculars, and be effortlessly beautiful, put together ... I feel like it is frowned upon for female students to complain (you get called a witch), or be aggressive academically. It is also now frowned upon to be a woman who spends a lot of time of her looks, wears make-up, spends time doing her hair, money buying nice clothes ... but you are still expected to look fabulous. I do feel pressure to be effortlessly perfect - perfect, but not showing how hard it has been for me to get there.

 

To balance that out, the pressure is not only from men but also women, and I think men face A LOT of pressures too. Particularly when it comes to being a good provider for the family - think men face a lot more pressure for their careers - and I am glad not to be in their shoes for that!

[novaseeker]

t is also now frowned upon to be a woman who spends a lot of time of her looks, wears make-up, spends time doing her hair, money buying nice clothes ... but you are still expected to look fabulous.

 

This is just another indication of how we are trying to *level* everything, and bring differences down to rude genetics. In other words, if you take away the camoflage, as others have described it, you tend to see what the genes have produced, and in an overly genetically sensitive society, this is ultimately what will matter.

 

Breve New World for all of us.

[Lowconfidence]

ServedCold, you are one of the BEST if not THE best posters!

[CynicalGuitarist]

Being a guy sucks too! Having to act like you're right about everything and be a jerk-hole to everybody in order to look "masculine"... Having to look at all the muscle-bound a-holes get all the girls and use great women only for sex as they go along with it unscathed until the crap hits the fan, needing to supress your feelings and disguising sadness as anger... constantly having women tell me that I'm not good enough because I'm "short" (like I really had a choice in the matter) having women lead me on only to stab my heart once they know how I feel about them, watching my friends get the great women I feel for while I just sit on the sidelines with a broken heart.

 

Women aren't the only one with those kinds of insecurities... even if my friends don't wanna admit it.

[lanty3]

If being a female is so unfair, who do you blame for this alleged inequity?

[thejigsup]

Guys, life is hard for males and females. We are all in this together, really we are. Let's not fight over who has it worse, let's just have fun together and get as much joy out of life as we can.

[JadedStar]

Guys, life is hard for males and females. We are all in this together, really we are. Let's not fight over who has it worse, let's just have fun together and get as much joy out of life as we can.

 

Awesome words jig.

[musicguy]

Guys, life is hard for males and females. We are all in this together, really we are. Let's not fight over who has it worse, let's just have fun together and get as much joy out of life as we can.

 

right on! *hugs*

[thejigsup]

Thanks you guys. Sometimes it is almost too easy to focus on our differences and not on what we have in common, and that leads to anger, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings. Life is too short for that. While I have trouble sometimes understanding men, I want them to know that I really do like them and respect the good ones. Without them, life would lose a bit of its luster.