Dating in a Wheelchair

[MissRogue]

That just seems so dishonest to me. It's like if you were a gay guy, went onto a dating site pretending to be a girl and after some straight guy fell for you, switching it up on him by saying, "oh, by the way, I'm a guy". Lol, okay, that's pretty extreme, but I'd feel that way. I don't ever want to lie about who I am or to someone I might potentially care about.

 

I disagree with you entirely. First of all, sexual orientation has nothing to do with a physical disability. If you pretended to be a girl and went for a straight guy, you are asking for an accident to happen. Gays aren't stupid, they know straight does not mean gay, so why go for a straight man/woman knowing they will not be able to change their orientation?

 

I didn't say to lie about being in a wheel chair but just not mention it as some people might get frightened off by this. It's like having a psychological disorder such as off the top of my head bulimia and not telling a person you just met. With time, sure, you definitely would want to bring it up in a relationship but it's not necessary in the first stages. I feel the same way about the wheel chair. If s/he ask about whether you like hiking or swimming etc. you most definitely should share your complications but until then, you're getting to know the PERSON not how you move around. I just think it's unnecessary seeing as how it just might put off some, not all but some. I'm sticking to my original opinion.

[Dako]

I've got a quad friend who's a real ladycharmer. I wish he was a forum member.

[JadedStar]

Well I thought it was a great suggestion because it seemed like the OP was having a tough time with the initial reactions of fully abled men. If the OP felt all this initial resistance from men, why not try a disabled dating site? It's an idea from Jaded, not a command.

 

If some people want to date certain races it's their choice. I learned long ago it's close-minded but you can't change a person's stance a lot of times. Why bother?

It's an idea from Jaded, not a command.

 

 

Thanks. That sums it up perfectly. This site is about ADVICE and IDEAS that can be taken, or not. I offered up a suggestion.

[CharlesF]

Maybe you can try dating sites, but I think you might have better luck meeting guys at work, through friends, etc. This way, you can talk to them face-to-face and they get to know you and forget about your wheelchair. Maybe you can find something you are interested in that you can do after work to meet guys who have a similar interest.

[Lucy__lou]

Hey eleanorigby,

 

I just listened to the savage lovecast, and checked out his column

 

link removed

 

and Dan Savage was giving sex advice to a couple of people with disabilities who called up with their problems, and he also interviewed some Canadian guy who is some kind of expert on the sex lives of people with diabilities, you might find it helpful or interesting.

 

There was even talk of 'devotees' able bodies people who are drawn to people with disabilities.

[CaptainNapalm]

I think going on a dating site is your best bet. You can strike up convos with some great people on there without visually revealing that you are in a wheelchair. Ofcourse, you should bring it up in due time, prior to meeting up for sure, but give yourself an opportuinty to express yourself and let the guy get to know you a bit before you tell them that. And for the few that mentioned some ridiculous remarks that not metnioning you are in a wheelchair right away is lying and misleading, well I think that is a bunch on nonsense.

[RayKay]

Hey eleanor,

 

I will say that it is going to be a larger hurdle (which I am sure you know) to date when you have a disability (and this would go for anyone - being in a wheelchair, having an amputation, a facial disfigurement, speech or hearing impediment, etc) as there will be some whom "rule you out" due to it (of course, people also rule others out for not being right shape, or having right colour hair or eyes, or being right height for them personally....so you aren't alone!).

 

However, it certainly is by NO means impossible and it certainly does not mean there are not many out there whom would be willing to learn as non-disabled persons all about you and be very willing to date you. A lot of people will have "misconceptions" of your abilities for example (for example, I know a couple of paraplegic whom have full sexual lives (and for those whom don't believe those in wheelchairs can't have full physical and sexual lives - watch Murderball but I think if you are patient in their sometimes ignorance realizing it is just from lack of knowledge and experience, you will both be rewarded (or at least they will become more educated!).

 

I would also be honest about it from the start if you are dating online.....to me (as someone whom has online dated) honesty is imperative. I don't care what someone is lying about (being disabled, being overweight, being older....ANYTHING) as soon as I found out they lied....I would be out of there. Ironically, if they had not lied, I probably would of been far open to talking and seeing where things went.