What the ???? I thought she liked me !

[tangi39]

Did you ask your husband if he knows or if he's heard of anything about her not liking you? What does she mean by we should all meet up sometime and "catch up" it seems maybe your husband, the others, and that girl has a closer relationship than you might think. Maybe they've gone out without you before? Maybe your husband hasn't given you all the facts?

 

No, we've all been out together before. He has. She uses the "catch up " phrase with everyone all the time- She used to say that to me everytime we talked too. They are not close at all. My husband has close female friends- she is not one. And she never goes anywhere without her fiancee.

They are SO close, they both get insanely jealous and neither would ever hang out alone with someone of the opposite sex. She gets drinks with everyone as a group social thing. That's why I'm mad that she's purposefully excluding me. I repeat again- The two of them is not what I'm concerned about.

[tangi39]

Now thinking about it more..... if pix of you looking hot were in the e-invite you sent her, and she responded sarcastically mentioning how beautiful you were... it could be jealousy or perhaps she had issues with you being in the photos.

 

Do you know the exact wording in which she mentioned you looks?

 

 

Okay, got the email back from my friend- This is what she wrote to him:

 

Hey, Chris. About Tangi39’s things coming up soon, we should all meet up at the bar instead. Unless there’s any chance she might not show? I know how everyone is always saying how great, nice, beautiful and drop dead gorgeous she is. But YOU are the one I want to have a drink with. I want to see YOU guys. We all know she has enough attention anyways. We should all meet up, me and James, you, Tangi’s husband, Carrie, Bill and some others folks to have a drink sometime soon. Me and you have a lot to catch up on.

 

And it goes on but that’s all that was said about me

 

James is her fiancée.

[lady00]

 

We all know she has enough attention anyways.

 

That is most certainly 100% a direct swipe at you. She has some nerve sending a comment like that to your husband. Does she honestly think he'd share her opinion which is basically her saying "I'm jealous of your hot wife"?

 

She's jealous. Plain and simple. I hope your husband knows the right thing to do is politely tell her that he's not skipping your event (can't imagine why on earth she would think he really would and she's also 100% unprofessional but that is another story altogether) and that he and the other people should catch up some other time or something like that.

[Girl79]

Oh wow it's so obvious now that she is extremely jealous of you. That email really says it all. I can't believe how catty she is being!

[raffi_FL]

Yep. From that email you can tell she doesn't like the attention you receive. Perhaps it makes her uncomfortable or it is jealousy. Maybe no one comments about her like that and it makes her sad or insecure. She isn't necessarily a bad person, I guess she just doesn't want to feel bad and this is her way of making that happen.

 

Well you can feel better now that it isn't a problem with you, but the main thing is what to do about the friendship/ working relationship you have with her. It isn't very polite what she did, but at the time she did what she felt was right I guess.

[lady00]

I can't believe how catty she is being!

 

Especially with work colleagues. I can't count how many times I've been to panels on career advancement and they always stress that if you want to get ahead in the corporate world, things like these are just unacceptable and they could get you fired. I am really shocked she'd speak that way to work colleagues...it boggles the mind...maybe because she feels secure in her position at the firm. It's still highly unprofessional. Hopefully others will start to pick up on that and if she has any superiors, hopefully the will.

[Excalibur]

I don't read is it as she's jealous or threatened - I read it that she's make it clear to all concerned she wants nothing to do with you.

 

The "why" she doesn't can't be known unless she's asked directly and willing to answer honestly.

 

But she's making it very clear she likes these other people for whatever reason, and would prefer that you not be in the mix while she associates with them.

[iloveyoumorethanyouknow]

HAHA.. wow.. it's spelled out.. JEALOUS.. she thinks you get too much attention. wow.. she's really something isn't she.. wonder what her husband thinks.. how dare she try to convince them to ditch your event to hang out with her.. haha.. WOW.. I think you should straight up talk to her and tell her, if yo don't want to come to my even, then go to the bar with your husband. Ugh. That's irritating. But then again, you guys are business partners. A jealous business partner that is.

[lady00]

I don't read is it as she's jealous or threatened - I read it that she's make it clear to all concerned she wants nothing to do with you.

 

A person who talks like that is jealous. You don't mention how pretty everyone thinks someone is then say they get enough attention anyway, then say you don't want to hang out with them unless you're jealous. I really don't see any other possible reason why.

[Excalibur]

the question isn't why this person thinks or feels this about tangi39...the issue is how is tangi39 going to react or respond - it makes a difference.

[lady00]

the question isn't why this person thinks or feels this about tangi39...the issue is how is tangi39 going to react or respond - it makes a difference.

 

Yes--And I think it's Tangi's husband's job to respond to the email (or ignore it) and say that he already has plans that night (to attend Tangi's event) and this other woman should suggest another time for the other friends to get together.

[Excalibur]

I dont' think it's anybody's "job" per se.

 

This woman is initiating a request for a get together at a specific time and place. Responding whether they'll be there individually would be socially correct...but all this "I'm not coming to your party because I"m invited to Cindy's" isn't going to work well at lal.

 

The people that want to go to Tangi39's event - will go. The peopel that want to join the other woman will as well.

 

If people want t hit both locations consecutively - they will.

 

Sounds like the OP's husband should hit both places consecutively without tangi39 at the second location, that is business or at least that is his purpose for continuing to involve with the woman on her terms at all.

[lady00]

I dont' think it's anybody's "job" per se.

 

I meant that he's the one who got the email so he should respond. There's nothing Tangi needs to do here.

[lady00]

"I'm not coming to your party because I"m invited to Cindy's" isn't going to work well at lal.

 

I think it sends an appropriate message to say "I already have plans that night." Even if he doesn't say it's to go to his wife's event, it will be obvious and I think it will hopefully put this woman in her place without being impolite to her in any way.

 

I don't think he should attend the other woman's thing. It's so obvious what she's trying to do and so high school...she's trying to say "don't go to her party, come to mine instead." I don't think Tangi's husband should play into it. A simple "I can't make it...already have plans that night," should be fine. I can't imagine why he would attend her event as well..that's sending the message that what she is doing is acceptable and it isn't. She could have easily organized a get-together for another night. The fact that she didn't shows she's in some imaginary (in her head) competition with Tangi...which is ridiculous.

[Excalibur]

That is what I said - responding as to whether attendance will occur at both events is socially correct and proper.

 

Only insecure people or liars hve to justify why they are or are not doing this or that.

[AmIafool]

It seems very obvious now that she is jealous of you.

 

I had something like this happen last year, but it had nothing to do with business. I met my bf's sister-in-law, and I felt like we hit it off and got along well. He and his brother went skiing for the day and I hung out with her and her kids. A few months later, my bf's sister and her husband were visiting his brother and sister-in-law. She started saying all these awful things about me - basically, I was a heartless gold digger who was only after his money. He doesn't make that much, BTW.

 

She distorted events that happened during our day together, and outright lied about at least one thing. When I looked back and thought about it, I remembered she had actually given me a few compliments on my looks. She's in her mid-forties and I was 39 at the time - don't look nearly my age, and I'm not overweight. She definitely looks older than she is and is quite a bit overweight. There must be some jealousy there because her comments were completely off base. Everyone who knows me well enough laughed upon hearing them. There is absolutely no reason for the comments she's made to my bf's family. During Easter weekend, she tried to start in with his mom, saying how "horrible" I was to him when we were visiting last year. My bf laughed when he heard that.

 

Anyway, it's obvious now that this woman is clearly jealous of you. People must be making comments about your looks and possibly other good qualities, and it has her seriously riled. The more I think about her trying to exclude you from your own gathering, and the e-mails she wrote, the more ridiculous it sounds.

[Girl79]

 

Sounds like the OP's husband should hit both places consecutively without tangi39 at the second location, that is business or at least that is his purpose for continuing to involve with the woman on her terms at all.

 

No, that is not a good idea at all. Why would her husband do that? He's just giving in to that woman's selfish insecure ways. She needs to learn how ridiculous and chilidish she is being, or she will continue to try to pull this BS. I think her husband should either ignore the email completely and go to Tangi's function, or respond to the email that he already has plans with his WIFE.

[lady00]

Only insecure people or liars hve to justify why they are or are not doing this or that.

 

Absolutely nothing to do with insecurity. No idea where you get that from. Saying "I have plans that night. How about we get together another time and catch up with the old gang?" is not insecure. It has to do with sending a message to someone who clearly doesn't get what is appropriate and what is not--in a subtle, polite way.

[Excalibur]

It's this "either or" thing that is making ti difficult to see my point.

 

This woman wants her own gathering of her own friends and choosing of time/place/location - she has that option/right/privilege to want that - and to pursue having it.

 

Tangi39 has set her date/time/location for her own gathering, of the people she's invited etc.

 

Just because Tangi39 is having a party - doesn't mean the other woman has no right to have a party. And it certainly doesn't mean that the shared guests on the list can't attend both events.

 

people have many reason to attend a party beyond a desire to see the other guests...some people attend to be seen, other people attend to network for future options and opportunities personally and professionally, etc.

 

The woman who doesn't want tangi39 there is a business partner of these shared guests...it is being delusional to ask those people NOT to attend her event, "if you attend my party". Even to her own husband, as if he is slighted professionally by this woman in non-attendance, tangi39 suffers as well.

[lady00]

It's this "either or" thing that is making ti difficult to see my point.

 

This woman wants her own gathering of her own friends and choosing of time/place/location - she has that option/right/privilege to want that - and to pursue having it.

 

Tangi39 has set her date/time/location for her own gathering, of the people she's invited etc.

 

Just because Tangi39 is having a party - doesn't mean the other woman has no right to have a party. And it certainly doesn't mean that the shared guests on the list can't attend both events.

 

Sorry, but I don't see why you keep justifying the other woman's behavior. It's not innocently happening to choose the same date and time. It's deliberately saying "I don't want to hang out with her, and I want us all to ditch her event and go somewhere else and do something else" after she has already sent out the invitations and after Tangi was nice enough to invite her. It is so transparent.

 

But Excalibur I think we have to agree to disagree. I totally disagree with you and don't see myself changing my opinion. I respect your opinion though--just think you're way off base on this one.

[lady00]

The woman who doesn't want tangi39 there is a business partner of these shared guests...it is being delusional to ask those people NOT to attend her event, "if you attend my party". Even to her own husband, as if he is slighted professionally by this woman in non-attendance, tangi39 suffers as well.

 

I don't think anyone should ask them not to attend. I think everyone should do whatever they want. I would hope they would see through her lame jealousy and pass, but it's up to them. I certainly hope that at least Tangi's husband does not attend. I don't think this other woman's behavior will stop if he accepts it by attending. I think he can send a message in a nice way by not going.

[Girl79]

Sure she has the right to have a gathering of her own, no one is saying she doesn't have that right. BUT to purposely schedule it on a night where she knows her other colleagues will be attending a party for someone she is CLEARLY insanely jealous and insecure of is just plain ridiculous! She is being VERY unprofessional. Anyone who doesn't see this is blind. And for her husband to attend both events is just plain stupid. It says that hey, it's ok for me to act like a childish jealous * * * * * . The nerve of her, really. How old is she anyways? Man this is so high school.

[lady00]

Sure she has the right to have a gathering of her own, no one is saying she doesn't have that right. BUT to purposely schedule it on a night where she knows her other colleagues will be attending a party for someone she is CLEARLY insanely jealous and insecure of is just plain ridiculous! She is being VERY unprofessional. Anyone who doesn't see this is blind. And for her husband to attend both events is just plain stupid. It says that hey, it's ok for me to act like a childish jealous * * * * * . The nerve of her, really. How old is she anyways? Man this is so high school.

 

Agree 100%. Some people amaze me. I want to meet their parents and say: how did you raise this child?! Do you know she's an adult and still behaves like a 16-year-old kid trying to get the kids in school to turn against another girl?

 

Anyway, I think that since all of this was not directed at you Tangi (the emails, that is) you should let your husband and your friends handle it whatever way makes sense to them and just hope they do the right thing.

[Excalibur]

I'm not justifying behavior.

 

I'm saying if Tangi39 has the "right' to have a party at a time/date/ocation/guest list of her preference, so does the other woman.

 

It becomes the guests privilege to attend either/or - for their own reasons and needs.

[lady00]

I'm not justifying behavior.

 

I'm saying if Tangi39 has the "right' to have a party at a time/date/ocation/guest list of her preference, so does the other woman.

 

No one said she didn't have the right to do it. We all have the right to do a lot of things that are inappropriate and rude. As long as it's not not breaking the law, people have the right to do a lot of things.