jettison Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Honestly I hate to even mention it but are you sure ther is not something already going on between the partner and your husband. It does not make sense that he would want to slap you in the face with it. In my opinion he should be more concerned with how you took it rather than ruining a friendship that obviously is hurting you. Business is business. I know that you can have a business relationship with out a friendship. I have to say, I agree with this somewhat. I'm concerned about the husband's actions here, but not quite as concerned that he'd be having an affair. If it were an affair, there's no chance that he's passing off his lover's correspondence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SerenityAnn Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 I have to say, I agree with this somewhat. I'm concerned about the husband's actions here, but not quite as concerned that he'd be having an affair. If it were an affair, there's no chance that he's passing off his lover's correspondence. Sometimes the best way to hide something is to put it in the other persons face. I really hope not though, really I do not wish that on you at all. I am just concerned.:sad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Sometimes the best way to hide something is to put it in the other persons face. I really hope not though, really I do not wish that on you at all. I am just concerned. This would make the husband a douchebag/narcissist. For the OP's sake, I hope that's not the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylor527 Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 I just find it strange that she would say something like that to her husband... why does she feel she has that kind of relationship with him to bash his wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SerenityAnn Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 This would make the husband a douchebag/narcissist. For the OP's sake, I hope that's not the case. Yes it really would. I also hope it is not the case. I just find it strange that she would say something like that to her husband... why does she feel she has that kind of relationship with him to bash his wife. Exactly. and then he "slapped" her in the face with it. Does not sound very good to me. But either way you should know something needs to be done for your sake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tangi39 Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 My husband wasn't trying to "slap me in the face" with it- I asked him if anyone responded and he told me honestly. And if someone wrote something like that about him, I would tell him too. I would have been hurt if he didn't tell me honestly, cause if this is her true opinion of me, I want to know now before I get to the point where I'm confiding things in her. To answer, one poster, Sorry I forgot who- NO, this is not the same woman as before. And if my husband were to cheat on me- There are other friends I'd be FAR more concerned about than the partner in this thread. Girls that are far more attractive and closer to him than this girl is.(not to diss her just to make a point) And she and he have only been together in business groups, and yes- I do know this for a fact. Besides, she's getting married this year. This is NOT my concern- she's never even flirted with him- I truly don't believe she's interested in him romantically- just as a friend. This really is about her and me. Jettison- You hit the nail on the head- It's not me thinking there's something going on between them- that's not my concern. It hurts that someone I thought I had the potential to become good friends with would diss me in this way when I have done nothing to her. AND, I got an email from another friend in this group- Apparently, she sent the same message to him- She says I'm really nice and beautiful and all but That she wants to hang out with a bunch of them- just not me. But she said the "compliments" in a VERY sarcastic way. I just don't get why she feels the need to be so two-faced with me. Last time we spoke, she said we should get together for drinks- So I invite her - And she doesn't just say no- She has to insult me to others. And I don't see why. After I've been so nice to invite her and include her, this is how I'm repaid ? And yes, it does injure my pride, because I don't understand why you'd want to treat someone this way ? Friend, enemy or otherwise ? What's the point of speaking badly of someone in this way ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 I think she's letting him know that she would receive his attentions. She's not a stuipd woman and alienating you with rudeness to your face would make it more difficult for her to access him. She's his boss - he needs to file with HR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raffi_FL Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 I think she might be jealous of you and perhaps can't stand her jealously getting stirred up by being around you. It is very odd to mention your beauty in an email to others and then go on to say she doesn't want to hang out with you. Since she brought up your looks and not a personality flaw, that is why I think she is jealous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tangi39 Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 She wrote it to a bunch of people, not just my husband. She is alienating me for some reason- I just don't know why. No, she's not his Boss, she is an outside partner (Hence why we don't see her very often) But important enough to where he can't be a jerk to her. And neither can I as she does consulting for my firm too. It is just incredibly rude of her to want to exclude me from my own group of friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 It's very possible that as a professional stance, she doesn't believe that spouses should be involved in business transactions. She might be attempting to separate the type of business she does with the husband, from the ubsiness she does with the OP. She also might have a business proposition for just the people that she responded to in this "I"d like to meet with "YOU" email. But this is just a professional association. And it's not likely to be more than that either between the OP and the person she's posting about. Thinking of them as "friends" I believe is what has caused the OP some delusions about the association she's got with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 It is just incredibly rude of her to want to exclude me from my own group of friends. I think some posters missed this important fact. The OP was the one who invited this lady out with a group of the OP's friends. So the other lady tried to exclude the OP from her own gathering. THAT is bizarre. If she wanted to meet with the husband and other colleagues for legitimate business reasons, then she could easily have set something up and only invited those people she wanted to chat business with. It would be clear in that situation that you don't just bring your SO because it would be a business meeting (even if it's out at a restaurant or bar). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 I think your husband's response should be something like this: "Well this gathering was my wife's idea and she's organizing it, so she kinda needs to be there. If you want to meet up with [insert colleagues names] and I to talk about [some project/business thing] then how about we try to set something up for next week?" It's a polite way of getting the message accross. In that case, she can't accuse him of doing anything wrong or screwing up their business relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tangi39 Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 I think she might be jealous of you and perhaps can't stand her jealously getting stirred up by being around you. It is very odd to mention your beauty in an email to others and then go on to say she doesn't want to hang out with you. Since she brought up your looks and not a personality flaw, that is why I think she is jealous. I didn't even think about this. Now that you mention it, the last time we were out together a bunch of were complimenting me on how great I was looking. (I had just gotten a makeover) And in the E- invitation we sent out there's a pic of me on it done by a professional photographer for promotional purposes (I'm a former model and I still do print Ads sometimes for my firm) That looked amazing ! Maybe she was mad about that ? I certainly wasn't trying to gloat and it wasn't my decision to use that Print Ad. You think this might be the reason ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raffi_FL Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 The e-invite for the get together she didn't want you to be at? Yea I think jealousy could be it. Of course, you are the best judge since you can see her body language and hear the way she talks to you in person. Have you ever picked up on any odd behavior from her other than the email? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raffi_FL Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Now thinking about it more..... if pix of you looking hot were in the e-invite you sent her, and she responded sarcastically mentioning how beautiful you were... it could be jealousy or perhaps she had issues with you being in the photos. Do you know the exact wording in which she mentioned you looks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tangi39 Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 It's very possible that as a professional stance, she doesn't believe that spouses should be involved in business transactions. She might be attempting to separate the type of business she does with the husband, from the ubsiness she does with the OP. She also might have a business proposition for just the people that she responded to in this "I"d like to meet with "YOU" email. But this is just a professional association. And it's not likely to be more than that either between the OP and the person she's posting about. Thinking of them as "friends" I believe is what has caused the OP some delusions about the association she's got with her. The thing is she's had not problems mixing business and friendship together before. There have been times when my husband was at MY thing that she was attending. If it really was just a "business" thing and not a personal thing against me, she certainly could have phrased her statements about me more tactfully. I haven't got any delusions. I have never seen her as "close" good friend or anything like that. I hoped we would reach the point where we would be friends. Many of my colleagues are friends on the outside. It just saddens me that she thinks so little of me that she would disrespect me in this way. And basically say she wants to be friends with anyone but me- So I just feel like- What did I do that I'm the only one in the group left out ? I'm certainly not crushed or anything - It's just a "Okay, what did I ever do to you " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tangi39 Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 I'm gonna ask my friend what she wrote specifically. Hang on ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Huh? She sent the same message to other people aside from your husband? What is this...high school? Why is she going around telling other people she wants to exclude you? I don't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Rather than speculate - why not send her an email, give her a call and ask what the deal is. That answers the questions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveyoumorethanyouknow Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 I'm sure she's jealous of the attention. There is no way that she doesn't want you around because of business. I highly doubt that. Some people just like being the center of attention. Maybe she finds you intimidating or she finds that you're in the way of her being the center of attention. What she did is very immature though, considering you guys are in a line of business. I'd assume she'd work more on a professional level. I'm pretty sure though that she knows sending the same message about you to YOUR friends especially your husband, you'd find out about it one way or another. She's being fake to you, but I don't think you should be as low as her to be fake. Tell her how you feel and ask her what the deal is. Did your husband tell you about this by the way or did you find it on your own? Another explanation of course is that some of your other workers have mentioned stuff about you and she is not the only one. That's the only thing I can think of as to why she would tell the others that she doesn't want you there. Maybe something has been said before with others. I hope not though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tangi39 Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 I agree. I was more saddened by her immaturity. I thought she'd be more professional as well. My husband told me because I asked him if anyone responded - but she posted her response not on the community board but in a personal email. She is not aware that I'm as good friends with the one guy she sent it to as I am- He's someone I've been friends with for years. But she thinks we aren't close since we don't work in the same office. Either way, I don't think she expected anyone to show me what she wrote. With the attention thing, that's possible. She IS getting married this year. Maybe she's upset that I'm getting attention, I don't know. If other people don't like me, I'm sure some don't- But there's a difference between not liking someone and going out of your way to be rude for no reason. I'm waiting to hear back from my friend what exactly she wrote. This is what she wrote to my husband- I would prefer not to see Tangi39 there As wonderful and beautiful as we all know your wife is, it’s YOU and others I want to have a drink with. We should all meet up sometime soon and catch up. Let me know when you are free and we’ll all meet up at the bar for a chat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 I would prefer not to see Tangi39 there As wonderful and beautiful as we all know your wife is, it’s YOU and others I want to have a drink with. We should all meet up sometime soon and catch up. Let me know when you are free and we’ll all meet up at the bar for a chat. Why doesn't someone just respond to that "well, at this gathering as she's organizing it she will be there, sorry you won't be." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 yeah then what. 'oh the other friends didn't show up. looks like it's just you (your husband) and me.' hmmm, how peculiar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveyoumorethanyouknow Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 This is what she wrote to my husband- I would prefer not to see Tangi39 there As wonderful and beautiful as we all know your wife is, it’s YOU and others I want to have a drink with. We should all meet up sometime soon and catch up. Let me know when you are free and we’ll all meet up at the bar for a chat. Did you ask your husband if he knows or if he's heard of anything about her not liking you? What does she mean by we should all meet up sometime and "catch up" it seems maybe your husband, the others, and that girl has a closer relationship than you might think. Maybe they've gone out without you before? Maybe your husband hasn't given you all the facts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raffi_FL Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Even though it can be difficult to correctly guess a person's true meaning through written, rather than spoken words, that phrase "as we all know" really hints at jealousy. It just seems a bit catty to me to say that, especially about your looks. I personally don't see what your looks should have to do with it but I am not her. I think this woman is incredibly bold to send out an email like that to multiple people, especially given that they are coworkers. Not only is it unprofessional and rude, it says a lot about the character of the woman sending it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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