oh my god... ho Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 So this has been bugging me for the last two days. Basically I've been talking to this guy who lives 1 1/2 away from me. We've hung out 4 times total in the 3 weeks we've been talking. We've been texting everyday since the first day we started talking, so I've been used to a lot of communication. But really he was the one who initiated having such frequent contact, and I've become accustomed to it. Long story short, hadn't seen him in almost a week and I expressed wanting to hang out w/ him Monday night. I talked to him Sunday night and he said that maybe I could talk him into coming up Monday night to snuggle, and we talked about us both taking Tuesday off to hang out. He even texted "see you tomorrow yeah?" So basically I thought we had plans. I texted & called him the next day after work & told him I was thinking of driving over to see if but that all depended on him. Then he says that he invited some friends over to hang out but I am more than welcome to join. At this point, I was very upset and frustrated because I had the impression that we made plans the night before. Then I wrote back that I was hoping to get some alone time w/ him and that I thought we had talked about it yesterday but he must have forgotten. He responded "sorry pal. I am enjoying havin people around.. I don't know how serious we are gettin. And serious is not something I am about right now." This of course made me livid because I had told him several times already that I was not looking for something serious. He was the one who initiated frequent contact w/ me, he was the one who drove up to see me on a night I already had plans just to get his jacket back and see me for a couple hours when I saw him the day before, he's the one who offered only two days before this incident to drive up at 1:30am in the morning when I had plans the very next day and we'd barely even get a chance to see each other, and he's also offered to drive to see me on one other occasion at 12am and I declined to both times because there is no sense or logic in that (why not just plan on a day we both have several hours to spare?). And his response: "well I hope I didn't disappoint you in anyway. today just led to having a bunch of friends over. I don't like to plan. I like enjoying the things that happen." Sorry, but when you live an 1 1/2 hours from someone and work complete opposite schedules, you sort of HAVE to plan in order to see each other. I don't see the point in wasting a trip on a day when you know you have to work the next day, or you're only going to have a couple hours to hang out. Am I right or wrong here? Not to mention, I am just so upset to have taken out the time in my day to offer to drive 1 1/2 to see someone which I've never done, and on top of that offer to take the day off work so we would have that time to spend together. I'm not in love with the guy, but I liked him and I got the impression he liked me too, and that maybe he actually cared... but now I don't think he really cares at all. Since that conversation I haven't had any communication w/ him for almost 2 days which is rare because like I said we were texting everyday. Now I'm feeling bummed out because I feel that I am owed an apology, and that if he is really interested in me, then he should take the time to 1) contact me and 2) realize that what he did was not cool and apologize and 3) make it up to me somehow. In any case, I just want to get an outsider's perspective on this. Am I just over-reacting? Or is he another douche bag I should just kick to the curb? Should I contact him or wait and see if he contacts me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 "sorry pal. I am enjoying havin people around.. I don't know how serious we are gettin. And serious is not something I am about right now." this means = i only want to see when i am in the mood for some lovin' and when it suits my own schedule. i don't care if we have plans, if something better pops up, i'll go do that. he's dissing you honey. i wouldn't talk to him again. hey - you didn't want anything 'serious' - so you got it! this guy is so not serious about you, he can't be bothered to keep plans you made 24 hours ago. i'd ditch this loser. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 since you posted this before on another thread, i'd say that you should work on getting to know guys in a non-sexual way first. don't be so quick to give up your body or to have 'snuggle session.' meet them in public, have public dates. he shouldn't be calling you at the last second, but a few days or a week in advance, make plans, pick you up, etc. certainly don't respond to any late night phone calls! i don't respond to those, i don't even pick up the phone, i may call the next day and say, 'sorry i missed your call, i was asleep.' then they know that i won't be their booty call. you have to respect yourself and your body, otherwise, you're going to keep coming accross guys like this who call you when it's convient for them, and then drop off the face of the earth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oh my god... ho Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 Yeah well aren't there guys out there who you can date and not be serious w/ but that still respect your time and keep plans they made w/ you??? Seriously is that asking for too much?? Bah... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Then he says that he invited some friends over to hang out but I am more than welcome to join. wait - but he didn't break the plans - you did. since you both agreed that you didn't want anything serious, what would be the trouble with coming over and seeing him and his friends? it's not like you two had fancy dinner reservations and cancelled them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oh my god... ho Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 Yep yep, you are so right Annie. Thanks for saying exactly what I needed to hear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oh my god... ho Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 No, he didn't invite me over to hang out with his friends. I wanted to come over to see him, and he made plans over our plans and said that I could join them if I wanted. That's not really an invitation. Besides I didn't feel comfortable driving all that way to hang out w/ him and his friends. I just wanted to see him. Period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 No, he didn't invite me over to hang out with his friends. I wanted to come over to see him, and he made plans over our plans and said that I could join them if I wanted. That's not really an invitation. well, he did say you could join them. i think when you got upset at him for breaking those plans and simply saying, 'you can come over and join us', he saw your anger as being too 'gf-like.' obviously, if you have a date with your bf, and he calls his friends over instead to play Wii and says you can be there too, a gf would get pissed at this. however, since you two aren't "serious", he saw this as an ok thing to do. i think you do kind of want more than you admit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanceVanceDance Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 You sound way too upset for someone who doesn't want anything serious. Maybe you like this guy more than you think / more than you told him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oh my god... ho Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 No I don't... actually I thought about not seeing him altogether because I wasn't really feeling things, but then I had a crappy couple of days and just wanted someone there to comfort me I guess. I just got out of a relationship and its been oooooh... only 1 1/2 months. I'm so used to having a crappy day and having a BF around to comfort me & make me feel better. Guess I just miss that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caterina Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Yeah well aren't there guys out there who you can date and not be serious w/ but that still respect your time and keep plans they made w/ you??? Seriously is that asking for too much?? Bah... Some men don't do that. Ya just ditch em', you know? Also, don't make yourself so available next time...have self control. Even if he wants to see you all the time, make it clear that its not possible. Eventually he'll expend his energy and get used to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca1975 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 hi oh my god .. ho! I understand you being upset/angry, even if you didnt really like this guy, its still a bit rude and though you are not in love with someone, you kinda look forward to meeting up with them dont you. it makes you feel a bit rejected, even tho you dont really even know this person yet or whether you like them or not. I would be the same, but I think I would be the same because I know that I really want a relationship to work out, so I pin my hopes on these things too much, even tho sometimes it turns out I dont really like the person that much in the end and it fizzles out. I wouldnt contact him again, even tho you really want to dont you, I would want to! but dont, because he will just think you are desperate or whatever (even tho I know full well you are not, so dont take offence). To be fair, I think him saying you could come and hang out with him and his friends was not too bad, at least he invited you, he could have ignored your call or anything or made something else up couldnt he. Anyway, he probably sensed that you were a bit upset and it scared him. I bet if you just left it and did not contact him again, after a while he woudl probably get back in touch with you again and why? because he will be thinking to himself 'hey, shes not giving me any attention now and I quite liked her, shes not even bothered". Men are very predictable, lol! I really related to a lot of what you said in your post, as I have been seeing a guy for about 3 months now and he is terribly unreliable but I am accepting him like that (for now). In the beginning, he would always let me down on meeting and not answering my calls, it would drive me absolutely nuts to the point of crying. Hope you get contact from him anyway, then you can decide to maybe ignore him! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeStrongBeHappy Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 >>drive up at 1:30am in the morning when I had plans the very next day and we'd barely even get a chance to see each other, and he's also offered to drive to see me on one other occasion at 12am I think this guy is into booty calls. You don't know him that well, and he can only show up at midnight or 1:30 in the morning? That means he doesn't really want a relationship (i.e., talking to you alone, privately, getting to know you), he wants some efficient sex where there is no time but to hop in bed and do it then he has to leave again. A lot of players act this way. They will AVOID intimate one-on-one dates where you do anything other than sex, because they don't want you to be their girlfriend or expect too much from them. So he's willing to hang out with you in a big crowd as a friend, or show up at your house in the middle of the night for sex, but anything that approaches being a respectful date where you spend time one on one WITHOUT sex, he avoids. So i think he is saying in many ways that he wants a FWB or booty call situation. You want to date. The two are incompatible goals, so i'd blow him off and find someone who does treat you with respect and want to date you rather than just booty call type hookups. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oh my god... ho Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 Thanks mca1975... I think you totally understand where I am coming from. Its not really that I like him soooo much, but when I make plans with someone I tend to look forward to those plans. When it doesn't work out, it disappoints me, and for some reason I take things waaaay too hard. I mean, why am I upset over some guy I wasn't even sure half-way thru the week if I wanted to see again? And then once I decided I did want to see him... I got my feelings hurt. That even makes no sense to me! I guess I am still just rebounding hardcore. It's not even that I miss my ex, I just miss having someone there. My head tells me that I need to learn how to be on my own and get to know and love myself, but my heart tells me that I want a relationship. Ugggh so hard to know what I really want/need right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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