The In-hate process

[Keyman]

Mo, honestly, you do help me more than you think by just being here and talking to us. The advice I give to you I take on board for myself.

 

I agree that from what you have said, you may not be ready to get out there and find another. The process for some can take some time, so perhaps use it for something else. Like I do, use it as a diversion, go have some (or try to) with someone new. Try to use the opportunity to forget about him for a couple of hours and get to know someone else. Even if it's the only time you ever speak to that person in your life, it's a diversion. Time will be the biggest healer for you, you will be ready to let him go a little more each day until you can take back control of your feelings. And during that time, your heart is in safe hands with us.

 

Be safe.

[eatingsnow]

We all fall off the NC wagon and communicate our unhappiness or anger to our ex's. It's good that you have taken up the hate process again to allow you to push yourself back into NC. As always we are here as virtual shoulders to cry on. I know that when I'm at my lowest, and even though I try to give a strong facade here, it's here that I must write my feelings, because I know you and Mo and the others care. What great friends we would all be if we lived in the same area and could talk face to face.

 

Oh, now I'm getting all a bit sentimental, so I better get back to work.

 

Smile!

keyman, after NC day6. he has been calling nonstop, and i finally gave in and had a long talk..

i didn't know what else to do. yes and no, it was hard to open myself up to him and listen to his problem, which is that everything reminded him of me. HELLO??? why is that my fault? He wanted the break up, he wanted the space. I hope he is happy with the emptiness.

 

I did told him again, that I am not ready to be his friend yet. and I thank him for thinking of me and worry if I am still alive..

 

I just dont know what to make any of this. ](*,)

[Keyman]

Eatingsnow,

While he seems to be suffering just as much, if not more, from his decision than you are, it looks like it will have to come down to you to enforce the NC.

 

While it's not unusual for the initiator to severely regret his actions, I know, I've been that person, and my ex at the time had to change her number to stop me randomly contacting her.

 

Unless he is begging madly for you to come back, then as you say, he is just trying to fill the gap with whatever you will throw him. He needs NC as much as you do. So if he contacts, keep trying to avoid him and if you speak to him, just make sure he knows you don't want to talk to him or have contact with him and he is to stop contacting you.

[Godwin]

I HATE the way in which she tells me that she knows I have changed, writes 4 pages about how great I am then says "but..." and WONT give me a second chance.

 

I am not at the hate stage though, how long does it take to get to that stage? weeks, months?