Issue or Not

[hennypenny3288]

I think it's something I would want to know after dating for a while, as it would influence my decision to get more serious with the person.

 

That said, if a person is receiving significant financial support, I don't see how I would not notice it. For example, if a person works 20 hours a week doing data entry, but owns a house, or drives a really nice car, or seems to have lots of extra money to spend on things, then obviously the money is coming form somewhere, and I'd ask about it.

 

Looks can be deceiving. A person can work 40 hours a week and doing a certain job/career, but the place they work at, doesn't pay commiserate to what that career can demand, but he/she stays there because of other perks (freerer work environment, other work benefits, less stress, not easy to be laid off, more PTO, stuff like that, that may not equal to a higher paycheck).

 

You really would ask about it? How would you do so, without sounding nosy or like you are being a golddigger?

[Excalibur]

People lacking in financial self-sufficiency are generally quick to want commitment from you - while having you divesting yourself of your options and assets in a mutual endeavor.

 

That gets you invested in thier success or security. Insecure people hear "let's move in together, let's share our lives" early in any liason to be "you're so great, your'e so special, I can't let you get away".

 

That'snot what the picture really is...it's that i have invested little in me, and I have little security as an individual - and what you have at the surface level is appealing, and would be beneficial to me as an asset or an option.

[jenny_mcs]

Looks can be deceiving. A person can work 40 hours a week and doing a certain job/career, but the place they work at, doesn't pay commiserate to what that career can demand, but he/she stays there because of other perks (freerer work environment, other work benefits, less stress, not easy to be laid off, more PTO, stuff like that, that may not equal to a higher paycheck).

 

You really would ask about it? How would you do so, without sounding nosy or like you are being a golddigger?

 

I'm not going to debate your first point. A person who is determined to hide something about their life can certainly do so. When I was single, I assumed certain things about the men I dated, and I continued assuming them unless I was proven wrong. I assumed they didn't have a wife and kids stashed away somewhere, I assumed they were telling me the truth about their education and jobs, I assumed they didn't do drugs, and I assumed they were self-sufficient.

 

The relationships I have had in the past where things were serious- we spent a lot of time together, met each others friends and families, traveled together, went to work functions together, etc. So, I feel that if they were depending on a check from mom & dad to get by each month, it would have come up, sooner or later.

 

My fiance lives in a very expensive part of the city, and fairly early on in the relationship told me that when he had just graduated from college he lived in a super cheap apartment with 3 other guys while he worked and saved every penny, and bought his place right before the market got crazy, and even then the only way he was able to afford it was because it was in dire need of repair and renovation.

 

These, imo, are the kinds of stories and details you learn as you get to know someone, and spend time talking and sharing details of your lives.

 

If he had never told me that story, I probably would have asked. I would have said "Jeez, how do you afford this place?" But that's just the kind of relationship we have.

[hennypenny3288]

Not everybody who lacks self-sufficency is looking to others to get that from them! Some use the funds they get elsewhere to fund other peoples lives, to keep them around.