JadedStar Posted May 11, 2008 Share Posted May 11, 2008 I would want to be told but depending upon WHO the friend was and the dynamic we shared, how close, etc i could understand why they might not share it. If a very close personal friend i would be hurt if they didn't give me a warning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmaximum Posted May 11, 2008 Share Posted May 11, 2008 I would want to be told but depending upon WHO the friend was and the dynamic we shared, how close, etc i could understand why they might not share it. If a very close personal friend i would be hurt if they didn't give me a warning. Sort of like the golden rule, I would want my best bud to fill me in and I know she would want me to do the same!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enigmatika Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 Sort of like the golden rule, I would want my best bud to fill me in and I know she would want me to do the same!!! Makes it extremely easy to sort out "friends" after...those that knew and said nothing= Byeeee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 Makes it extremely easy to sort out "friends" after...those that knew and said nothing= Byeeee! I completely agree... If I had a friend who knew what my husband had been doing all those years and didn't tell me, I probably would have been MORE angry with my friend. Talk about betrayal... ~Allie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
novaseeker Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 I just don't see it as a part of someone's responsibility to step in like that. I'm a very independent person, generally, and don't like people sticking their noses into my life, so I generally don't stick my nose into theirs. But, having said that, this is a very personal area, and everyone is going to have a different perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylor527 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 I would want to be told, for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tikkii Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 I'd like to have been told in the past. But I wouldn't like to be the 'teller' either. I do think people should be told though, otherwise they feel so hurt and foolish when they find out they were almost the only person who didn't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmerJammer Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Well seeing as how I was in a similar situation, I can tell you that I did try to tell the person that was unaware of what happened and they refused to want to know any more information. Who can blame them? You ultimately don't want to think that this person you love would do that to you. They in turn suggested that the girl I was talking about was referred to by her bf as a s*** and that he had no desire to be with her and that I kindly leave her alone. In my head I was like wow this guy is a winner. Even though I had proof, they wanted none of it and the truth is? I felt awful because I felt like this slime ball is going to get away with it and not man up like a true person would and I also felt bad because I knew better than to involve myself in someone else's affairs like that. I did it under the premise that I would want to be told if my gf was cheating on me and that I felt she had a right to know what her bf planned to do. Chances are she loves this guy, maybe a lot and it just made me sick to my stomach how little care he had. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmaximum Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 You motives where honest and you did it with a clear head. Just like someone else said, not everyone would tell and I can't blame them either if they don't. Some want to hold onto the fabric of lies rather then face the truth and it is far easier to blame the person who can destroy the whole fantasy than to "delete and then start a new game" yeah? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 I think a lot of the time the motives of the teller would be questioned. As others have said, it really depends on how close the person who is being told is to the person telling them. If a sibling or a parent or a friend I've known for many years told me that I was being cheated on, chances are very high I would believe them. Anyone else though, I wouldn't be too sure. So, yeah, I would only tell if I were very close to the person who was being cheated on. Otherwise, I'd worry about being accused of lying and trying to breakup a relationship. I was actually put in this position not too long ago...I was asked directly by someone if her bf was cheating on her. I hardly knew the person, so I just kept my mouth shut even though I knew he was cheating. I felt pretty bad about it but I realized: who is she going to believe? Him, who she loves and had already denied cheating? Or me, a practical stranger? I decided it wasn't my place to talk. Also, he was someone that I would be seeing around/have friends in common with and the last thing I needed was for him to confront me and try to make my life difficult, try to turn people against me. I also knew for sure that there was no health/STD issue involved, so that reinforced my decision not to say anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shopgirl Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 It is not your place to tell on someone. It's not your relationship, thereforeeee you need to stay out of it. If you get yourself involved you are looking for more trouble than you can handle. I'm not trying to be snooty about this, but you might even end up getting physically hurt. You should seriously mind your own business and don't let other peoples problems be your concern. Don't you have your own life to worry about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enigmatika Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 It is not your place to tell on someone. It's not your relationship.... LOL....they wouldn't be much a friend now would they...and the "Relationship" would be a total joke at that point! Bust it WIDE open....let the chips fall where they may...and know who your Real Friends are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 I guess I just don't think telling usually works. I think it backfires most of the time. We'd all like to think that if we tell someone their SO is cheating, they will see the light and dump them but how often does that really happen? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 I wish someone had told me about my husband. I would have believed. Because I already had my suspicions. And then I would have had proof. It would have saved me years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enigmatika Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 We'd all like to think that if we tell someone their SO is cheating, they will see the light and dump them but how often does that really happen? Dumped his ass immediately....LOL Drove him NUTZ trying to find out who had ratted him out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 I think in a case where it was clear to the other person that I had their best interests at heart and had no ulterior motives, then I might tell. Then again...I can see situations where I wouldn't. For example, if god forbid I found out one of my parents were cheating on the other, I really don't know what I'd do. In that situation, I'd have to think long and hard about getting involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shopgirl Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 I still think you should keep your nose to yourself. Don't go sniffing around trying to solve everyone else's problems. The simple fact of the matter is is that you are NOT apart of this mess and probably don't want to be. As much as you'd like to stick you two cent$ in, you CAN'T! Even if you did put your sayso in this, your friend wouldn't be listening. She/he would be too hurt to pay you any attention. Please, do yourself a favor and STOP trying to be "Dr.Phil". You are only going to stir the pot if you go tattle-tailing. Your friend needs to find out on her own. If she was smart she'd be able to put two and two together. I'm sure she suspects something is going on. One way or another the truth WILL come out--it always does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 I still think you should keep your nose to yourself. Don't go sniffing around trying to solve everyone else's problems. The simple fact of the matter is is that you are NOT apart of this mess and probably don't want to be. As much as you'd like to stick you two cent$ in, you CAN'T! Even if you did put your sayso in this, your friend wouldn't be listening. She/he would be too hurt to pay you any attention. Please, do yourself a favor and STOP trying to be "Dr.Phil". You are only going to stir the pot if you go tattle-tailing. Your friend needs to find out on her own. If she was smart she'd be able to put two and two together. I'm sure she suspects something is going on. One way or another the truth WILL come out--it always does. Huh? I don't think this thread is about a specific person. It's about telling in general. Aren't you the same poster who posted about cheating on your bf in another thread? Could that be the reason why you are against people telling? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Extra Crispy Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 I suspect that most people who say 'mind your own business' may have cheated or are cheating on the SO or spouse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginger007 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I would definitely want to be told, but I'd feel guilty if I believed it and it turned out to be a lie. Anyway I was recently in that situation, where I told someone what was going on and even with evidence right in front of them they wouldn't believe me, I simply got insulted over and over, you'd think I was doing the most horrible thing ever, anyway sooner or later this person will find out and I hope to be close by with a big "I told you so" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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