BeStrongBeHappy Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 Bah... good riddance! I'd guess this man is not at all who he appears to be or tries to be... a minister with 3 ex wives? and getting engaged to number 4 after only a few weeks? He sounds really unstable and not particularly mature or honest either. And sending you silly texts trying to make you feel bad? I'd say he's certainly not a man of God, more like a charlatan or jerk. Hold you head high, walk away, feel great that you radar and crap detector was working and you didn't commit to someone like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaylaJoy Posted May 8, 2008 Author Share Posted May 8, 2008 Bah... good riddance! I'd guess this man is not at all who he appears to be or tries to be... a minister with 3 ex wives? and getting engaged to number 4 after only a few weeks? He sounds really unstable and not particularly mature or honest either. And sending you silly texts trying to make you feel bad? I'd say he's certainly not a man of God, more like a charlatan or jerk. Hold you head high, walk away, feel great that you radar and crap detector was working and you didn't commit to someone like this. well put. thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wandering_Sword Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 Sounds like the most extreme case of "rebound-itis" I have ever read. He didn't like rejection (not marrying him) and decided to give you a taste of it (by texting you with that ridiculous tidbit of information). So very sad for your EX, who feels it necessary to foist such childish games your way. Pity him for his lack of self-esteem and self-respect. Take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaylaJoy Posted May 8, 2008 Author Share Posted May 8, 2008 thank you...I'm feeling much better about it. I went to church last night, and laid some things to rest; I'm sure there will be a memory to haunt me here and there but it's all right, I feel like God rescued me from a really bad marriage to a fraudulent man. I don't hate him, still care about him and his kids as a matter of fact. But I know this is for the best, and I know that there's something better out there for me. Something truer, something more real, something lasting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladyblue07 Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 I feel like God rescued me from a really bad marriage to a fraudulent man. I agree. This guy is not in a good place emotionally to be trying to marry anyone. It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. You seem to have a much more rational outlook about the issue and I bet you'll find someone better suited for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belle Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Kayla, You sound like an extremely insightful and intelligent woman. You saved yourself by not committing to him, because deep down, on the surface and in between you knew there was something not right about this guy. It was a gift that you still had feelings for your ex, so that this guy couldn't get through to you the way he was hoping to. You're right. He was a fraud. He faked an entire relationship. It's not just that he's unstable. He was after something from you. I had an ex that swept me off my feet, wrote me poetry, bought me crazy expensive gifts and proposed in 6 months of dating in an extremely romantic way. I hadn't been divorced long and I was in noooo rush to get married again as I was still very young. When he didn't get what he wanted, he would try to rub my nose with another girl before I could even move out. I saw his true colors. I realized that he was after something, but I didn't know what. Later I realized he wanted a) someone to support him as he was an alcoholic who was averse to working on a regular basis b) health insurance and who knows what else. He lost his job a few months after we broke up because he didn't feel like going to work anymore. Maybe that was the rush to get married. He was a manipulative, abusive, alcoholic user. I was extremely glad to have dodged that bullet. And he showed me that someone who's in an extreme hurry to move the relationship forward, esp in marriage, is after something. You're better off alone with friends and family than with a crazy like that. Good luck and I wish you a speedy recovery. He's so not worth wasting any more time on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaylaJoy Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 wow...thanks for the heads up Belle....your story sounds familiar as far as the wooing and rushing... I guess he got what he wanted now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kluv224 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Just be glad you didn't!! What a jerk!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brian123 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 11 weeks huh........ Be gladded you got away from THAT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaylaJoy Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 I guess 11 weeks does look kinda desperate doesn't it? In my pain, I kept thinking maybe they had just found true love magically, but how often does magic like that really happen? I feel sorry for them both, and I don't hate him. I just want to move on and I want him to let me go and stop texting me. I miss him, but it's done and it's over, and there's nothing ahead but healing for me. (and possibly a 4th failed marriage for him??) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brian123 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Already been married 3 times. NO WAY he is rushing into another one. "Hey baby, those 1st 3 marriages were just for show. After 11 weeks, YOU are the one for me." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaylaJoy Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 "Hey baby, those 1st 3 marriages were just for show. After 11 weeks, YOU are the one for me." LOL! Ha! That's funny! That's pretty much what he used to say to me! I never looked at it from quite that angle, but that's funny... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cptanarky Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 i know how u feel, i havent read the other peoples replys... my ex wanted me to marry her, i thought we were too young so she went and married a guy who used to be my friend 5 months later, i still love her, and no girl compares since... your lucky in a way that u see hes not the guy for u, so know that you can move on and find someone better sounds like he just wanted to be married might not last forever. when he pops into your head think of the bad things about him and work on yourself, keep busy!. honestly hope everything works out for you. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaylaJoy Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 thanks cptanarky! I am very blessed in all this...it could have been way worse, and though I miss him, I'm glad that it's over, and I'm glad I didn't get married to him like he wanted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Is this the same person you have dinner with - who you posted about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylor527 Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Yeah this guy just sounds like completely bad news... be happy you got away! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SingleAgain34 Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 He isn't worth any of your pain. Please remember that. What he did is despicable. I am glad you never said yes to him. Be strong. You stood by your principles. All that he was to you in the past belongs exactly there. In the PAST. He's a cruel being and you will come out of this stronger. Don't reply. Be kind to yourself and laugh this text off. You won! I pity that other woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaylaJoy Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 Is this the same person you have dinner with - who you posted about? No, this guy is John. The dinner date was with Mark. Mark is the love of my life, the guy I was crazy about for years, and finally 2 years ago got a chance to be with, but at the end of the summer he decided he couldn't be all I wanted him to be so we broke it off, but we decided to make a conscious effort to remain friends, because we had been friends for a very long time. Needless to say it broke my heart into a million pieces, and in an effort to move on and get over him, I started seeing John. But John came on way too strong and way too fast, and while I cared a great deal for John, I knew in my heart he was no Mark. John also had a lot of baggage that I was not willing to even try to deal with, and I broke it off with him eventually (see previous posts for more detail if necessary). I knew I still had feelings for Mark, but John was pushing to get married, and it made everything very blurry for a while. I trusted John, and he helped pick up the pieces that Mark had shattered, which is why I got so attached. What he did in the end though was very painful because of the trust I had in him. He had portrayed himself to be one way, and was supposedly so in love with me, and then pushed me aside for someone else. I have come to see that as a blessing, but it sure stung, and then to have him text me that they were engaged was just a slap in the face. It's OK for him to move on, but he did it the wrong way, not to mention he lied about some huge details along the way. Deep inside?? Mark is the one that I want, the one that it looks like there's no hope that he will ever see me as more than a friend, but the one that I can't let go of. So I have been battling two issues, the one that said he loved me like no other and then got engaged 11 weeks later to someone else, and the one who was my best guy friend for many years that I got involved with, only to have him walk away because he couldn't see us being together forever. (his words.) It's a hard row to hoe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaylaJoy Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 just for clarification; I'm not trying to have my cake and eat it too. When I was with John I was true to John. But I knew that I could not marry him, for a variety of reasons, one of which was I still had feelings for Mark. John and I splitting up was a good thing. It just hurt to have someone paint the world with their love for you the way he did, then 11 weeks later be engaged to the one woman he swore to you he'd never date. After the breakup with Mark, which was excruciating, John gave me a reason to believe in myself again. He saw in me what I knew was there, but what Mark wouldn't or couldn't see. He gave me the confidence to know I really was a strong woman. When he became engaged 11 weeks after Valentine's Day, it's like he wiped out singlehandedly everything he ever told me he believed about me. I felt like if he lied about all the other stuff, he must have lied about how terrific I was too. It stung. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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