Strangers after 8 mths.

[RayKay]

If you have to conform/change whom you are to be "whom you think they want" neither of you is ever going to be happy.

 

One of the greatest parts of being loved is being accepted for whom we are TRULY - my SO has certainly seen I am very imperfect for example but accepts me as I am (and of course I do the same for him). In doing that, we are both inspired to be the best we can be and we certainly learn from one another and our mistakes - but in doing so we are also honest about ourselves in the process.

 

It took me a few years to be comfortable in my own skin, with whom I am. I consider myself a compassionate, caring, loving person - I am deeply committed to my partner....but at same time I am not afraid to be who I am and stand up for myself, to differ from others, to conflict with my partners views, to embrace my individuality and differences. And quite honestly, it was only when I did embrace whom I was and started being authentic, I really was able to not only make smarter choices in relationships, but I also truly transformed my outlook as well as attracted healthier partners....

 

Of course, to be authentic to yourself you really need to know yourself too..and that means not living for a relationship or someone else, or living your days based on what you think he thinks or is doing about you or the relationship....being a loving partner does not require, and in fact I would say you cannot be a truly a loving partner if you do, forgetting about yourself.

[kenshinkitten]

I understand what you men. When my boyfriend went away to college and would come back on weekends and i would feel so awkward around him, like he was a completely different person then I remembered from 2 or three weeks ago. It fades but...iunno yeah my bf said it wasn't awk for him as it was for me.

Which made me feel more awk.

[Batya33]

I've done the awkward thing - and not even in the context of an LDR -- feeling that way after just a few days apart! It's not like that in my current relationship and what a welcome, huge sigh of relief, change. I am conscious as RK put it of being myself - and if I catch myself not doing so - in order to please him or sound or be a certain way I stop myself, backtrack and often start over again with what I was saying. It feels good.

 

I am also in a temporary LDR and I think JeckyllHyde gave great advice on how to keep the connection. It's what works for me. However, I will say that I don't think the awkwardness is only because of the distance and the infrequency in which you see him. Think about those close friends you rarely see but when you do, within a few minutes you're joking around or chatting like you always do.

 

I do think in part that you're thinking too much, too self conscious about what you say and do. For example ,I think you said you told him that story at lunch about your friend who goes everywhere with her bf. My guess is that you shared that story as a sort of test, to see what reaction you would get out of him and not because it just came into your head and you wanted to share it. Be careful about that kind of testing - it usually has strange results.

[darkpumpkin]

I like who he is would you like who he is if he stopped dating you tomorrow, with appropriate notice, and went on to date someone else?

 

yes, I would because that shows to me a respect I would show to someone else.

 

and the time we spend together. How do you spend the time on your own when you're not together - do you like that time in your life any less than time spent with him?

 

I enjoy my time on my own for I am able to do what I enjoy with out any reason to compromise.

 

 

 

i'm getting the impression that she is young, hasn't had many relationships to where there were a lot of feelings involved. almost like not realizing that it's not working out. just staying in the situation to 'have' a relationship.

 

I agree with you on the first part ghost I have not had a relationship with deep feelings involved. In fact I haven't really had any that surpasses "I'm infatuated with you" stage. But I will not just stay in a relationship for the sake of a relationship. I learned that the hard way.

 

I've done the awkward thing - and not even in the context of an LDR -- feeling that way after just a few days apart! It's not like that in my current relationship and what a welcome, huge sigh of relief, change. I am conscious as RK put it of being myself - and if I catch myself not doing so - in order to please him or sound or be a certain way I stop myself, backtrack and often start over again with what I was saying. It feels good.

 

I am also in a temporary LDR and I think JeckyllHyde gave great advice on how to keep the connection. It's what works for me. However, I will say that I don't think the awkwardness is only because of the distance and the infrequency in which you see him. Think about those close friends you rarely see but when you do, within a few minutes you're joking around or chatting like you always do.

 

I do think in part that you're thinking too much, too self conscious about what you say and do. For example ,I think you said you told him that story at lunch about your friend who goes everywhere with her bf. My guess is that you shared that story as a sort of test, to see what reaction you would get out of him and not because it just came into your head and you wanted to share it. Be careful about that kind of testing - it usually has strange results.

 

It wasn't a test I was just venting, he vents and I don't really do that to him because....just don't feel comfortable enough I guess. And when I did I got the reaction that I usually do (which turns me off venting to him) he over thinks what I've said and takes it personally. I don't take things he says personally unless he is clearly directing them towards me.