Is it possible to 100% get over a previous relationship without a new one?

[JadedStar]

The bolded is NOT true. There have been times I have been desperate to meet someone to take away the pain of an old breakup and it doesn't happen. When we are desperate to meet someone, that is usually the time it does NOT happen.

 

Even then Ren it depends on luck of the draw as in are there available men around.

 

But i surely don't advise finding someone with the "i am desperate to meet smoeone" mindset. That will surely end in disaster.

[JadedStar]

I totally agree with this. You find yet another trouble by doing that and that's called hurting someone else!

 

Eric

 

 

 

I agree. It's selfish because you are satisfying this temporary need within yourself and knowing you can't give fully of yourself to them, and they might get attached and end up really hurt.

[renaissancewoman101]

CAD, acting sexual does NOT find you a bf. It may find you a one night stand, or a fling, but definitely NOT a bf. And if you give off the desperate vibe, it will also work against you.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

CAD, acting sexual does NOT find you a bf. It may find you a one night stand, or a fling, but definitely NOT a bf. And if you give off the desperate vibe, it will also work against you.

 

 

I have actually known quite a few women who acted sexual and got their boyfriends. I am not talking about plunging necklines and short skirts...no, they were much more subtle about it...the giggly, silly, bubble brain routine with the hair twirling, batting eyelashes, little touches etc...all the clichés...and voila...there was a man buying into it all. It depends on the kind of guy I guess.

[emalkoc]

CADs, any woman can get "a guy" anytime they want for that purpose! bf is whole different game.

[servedcold]

Eh, did some casual dating almost immediately after the "storm of 07," didn't sleep with any of them, just had some fun going out. Didn't have any desire to hop into a rebound with any of them. Definitely got my mind clearer faster.

 

Agree with others that hopping into the next relationship on the heels of a painful breakup is unwise, but some casual dating can help speed the healing up. Was honest with these women that I wasn't ready for the next big thing yet, just a date and some fun. They didn't seem to mind or think I was using them in some way.

 

But more on topic, I didn't truly shake the "storm of 07" until I met the "drizzle of 08," and don't think I would have, so would answer the topic question "no."

[tomtommyboy]

Wow, a lot of replies here! Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

 

The thing is, I am definitely "over her" in the sense of not being in love or wanting her back. I think the fact I gnaw on this little bone of petty resentment is more because I've got other problems in my life at the moment that I'm not really dealing with...not enough positives so I come back to my (slightly sad) little resentment almost as a comfort thing. I suspect that my life generally needs more positives in it to get out of this rut, and a new relationship might be just the thing, but there could be other options too. There's no way it could be a rebound after 14 months (the previous relationship, although very serious to me at least, was only 18 months so we're coming up to the breakup being longer than the relationship!)

 

In fact the last "thing" (not quite just dating, but definitely not a relationship) I had with someone, 3-4 months ago, ended because the person wasn't right for me. There definitely wasn't the spectre of my ex looming over it...in other words, I don't think I'm in danger of hurting anyone else/ruining a future relationship because of this issue. I'm just wondering what needs to change for me to get over this last "stage" of healing as it seems to be going on for ever...or maybe it'll just be time, as usual.