orangesoda Posted May 6, 2008 Share Posted May 6, 2008 Remember the saying: If you have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Your ex has been trying to talk her way out of a hole, and for what? She wants to play both sides of the fence. She can have you for emotional comfort, financial comfort, to provide a sense of stability. And with this other guy, she can indulge in the excitement of an affair, to do something naughty, and to get a thrill out of getting away with it. You're better off doing NC and finding someone with values and beliefs more compatible to your own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted May 6, 2008 Share Posted May 6, 2008 She is using the snooping aspect as an attempt to deflect the issue of her cheating. Of course she is wrong and of course she was up to no good. The fact is that your snooping is irrelevant - it was obvious she was doing something suspicious and you were right to check up on those suspicions. Look at it this way - it is illegal for the police to search your property or open your mail because that 'snooping' is considered wrong. So, if they want to do those things they have to obtain a search warrant by convincing a judge that there are grounds for reasonable suspicion of illegal activity. In the same way it is wrong for people to snoop on their partners. But if there are reasonable grounds for suspicion of wrongdoing then a judge - in this case the judge being your rational common sense - will authorise a search. Under those circumstances it is simple self-preservation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldbutnew Posted May 8, 2008 Author Share Posted May 8, 2008 Well, I had too much to drink last night and sent her a text. Short one: "You need to decide what the **** you are going to do." In the big picture, I suppose the content was not too bad and I know we all slip but after two days of NC (I know, only two days, LOL) I was starting to feel pretty good about how I left things with her. Didn't get a response and wasn't expecting one. Back to Day One............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 Well, I had too much to drink last night and sent her a text. Short one: "You need to decide what the **** you are going to do." In the big picture, I suppose the content was not too bad and I know we all slip but after two days of NC (I know, only two days, LOL) I was starting to feel pretty good about how I left things with her. Didn't get a response and wasn't expecting one. Back to Day One............. sorry about that, go back to nc. there's nothing left to say to her! her decision seems to be not to stay faithful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldbutnew Posted May 8, 2008 Author Share Posted May 8, 2008 Thanks. Yes, that does seem to be her decision. With fights in the past, she hardens up and waits for me to initiate contact. I have no idea why I even want to at this point, with this person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnathan Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 Yeah, at this point, forget about what she's going to do, or wants or doesn't want to do. Just forget about her crap and bring the focus 100% on what you're going to do to get her out of your life. I'm going through a break-up with a girl I met at work and still work with. NC has begun, regardless of that fact that we still work together. If I can do it, so can you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPainNoGain Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 Start purging her out of your memory bank.Start by strict NC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangesoda Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 Don't make the mistake of thinking plain NC will work - I did exactly that and it was a very slow process. You really have to get off your butt, and get busy. I revamped my gym schedule, asked some work buddies to do weekend excursions, and started cooking again. Everything was to keep me busy, to keep my life full, and that's when NC really began to work - I found that my life was under my control, that I determined my happiness, and that my ex made me UNhappy. And that's how things got better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
npc24 Posted May 9, 2008 Share Posted May 9, 2008 C H E A T E R GET THE DROP ON HER. MY BEST FRIEND TOLD ME TO DUMP MY GUY THE NIGHT HE DUMPED ME AND I DIDNT LISTEN. he got the drop on me first and i regret it forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldbutnew Posted May 9, 2008 Author Share Posted May 9, 2008 Thanks for the support and advice. All good stuff. We also work together and she has relied heavily on me for help in her job for the last 8 months, which I have willingly given. But that is about to change I think as I am waiting on a wonderful job offer, which will be for more $$ and get me out of this work situation. I am trying to stay in NC but could not resist telling her yesterday that I would be changing jobs shortly and that the expected offer was "phenomenol." It was mean in a way and totally not necessary. It felt good while doing it and for a while thereafter, but not so great a few hours later. In fact, I had my worse night's sleep last night. I am trying to keep busy and not sit around and have a pity party for myself. I am looking at the job change and the loss of this relationship as an opportunity for a fresh start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drewciouS281 Posted May 9, 2008 Share Posted May 9, 2008 good way to look at it man. Your just going through normal break up feelings. who broke it off?? This girl is not trust worthy so why chase someone like that, your just making yourself look bad and that she is in control. Move on happily, dont talk to her or even look at her at work. Dont help her anymore, nothing!!! I took my break up last year for the better work wise and my job has only gotten better. focus on you now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldbutnew Posted May 9, 2008 Author Share Posted May 9, 2008 Tough to say who broke it off. It was pretty much mutual at the end. Lots of fireworks and flamethrowing getting there. And yes, I have withdrawn the work help too at this point. She made her bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Landon Posted May 9, 2008 Share Posted May 9, 2008 your right she made her bed now let her ass lay in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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