Volkslad Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Maybe some of you have read my previous threads, maybe you haven't, but what happened is I gave in and went out for drinks with the ex...what I learned. 3 hours in total, 2 hours of just friendly chatter..then.. She had the first big fight with the new BF last night. Her walls, the same thing that prevented her from telling me how much she cared about me, were the issue. Those same sort of walls were the same thing that he broke up with his last GF over. She still thinks about me and what I offered her. A relationship between best friends. I remind her of her Dad..big time. (She is a Daddy's girl. He passed away about a year ago) While she said she wanted to hang out with me once a week, I offered once every six months. While these things may have led some men to profess their undying admiration..I did not. I did say that there is no reason we could not have worked things out when we were together, but there was no begging or pleading. So, right now I am thinking I will not contact her or be friends..even while part of me thinks that if I do befriend her, it is only a matter of time before she sees the light..I do believe I should remain distant so the possibility of losing me becomes very real. I'll add that I'm not as sad as I thought I would be after spending time with her, but that's likely because I know things aren't going to work out for her with the new BF. 5 years of friend ship, 8 months of relationship, and we never fought, and I respected her walls as part of the package. Thoughts, opinions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOnThePrize Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Volksdad - If you're interested in reconciling, I think you're on the right track. Not being pushy, and being available minimally. Let him be the bad guy, you'll look better and better. Just my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Yeah, I agree. You're handling this well. She's not really offering anything concrete, so it's in your best interest to move on and make it clear you're not her backup plan. And if she sees the error of her ways later, you'll both be in a better position to make it work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Volkslad Posted May 1, 2008 Author Share Posted May 1, 2008 I think you're on the right track. Finally! The seperation and calming effect that came with going NC for a while did me good. Maybe she comes back, maybe not..all I know is I'm closer to getting me back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lou31 Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 im glad things turned out ok and you havent been left feeling worse. if you take a step back now she will make her own mistakes. and you are spot on ... this new guy wont last. but you arent the safety net either ans im sure your actions have let her know this. she needs space now and so do you. do nothing at all. not wanting to give false hope but my guess is she will be back. you 'played' it well. and she knows where you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOnThePrize Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 im glad things turned out ok and you havent been left feeling worse. if you take a step back now she will make her own mistakes. and you are spot on ... this new guy wont last. but you arent the safety net either ans im sure your actions have let her know this. she needs space now and so do you. do nothing at all. not wanting to give false hope but my guess is she will be back. you 'played' it well. and she knows where you are. I think this is key. I'm working on how to communicate this to my ex. That I am there, that I still care, but that I'm not plan B. I think NC helps me with this, and its still tough. When she left, I told her that as long as I was alive, she'd never be alone in the world. I still believe that. But right now, she's not alone, she has someone, so she doesn't need me to fill that role, nor do I want to fill it right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addicus Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Bravo! You handled things really well and good for you. It sounds like you are taking care of yourself! If I were in your shoes I would of done the same thing (although I would not be meeting as friends) I know you struggled with the going for drinks issue, but you made a choice that worked for you and I actually think it worked in your favor. Showed great strength not to melt and look desperate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Volkslad Posted May 2, 2008 Author Share Posted May 2, 2008 Bravo! You handled things really well and good for you. Thank you, except that now she thinks we're back to being buds..2 visits and 6 emails at work today..sigh..I guess I asked for it. All I can do now is be hot and cold and flirty and distant and keep her off balance until she backs off or makes a move..or I get a new GF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Volkslad Posted May 12, 2008 Author Share Posted May 12, 2008 She still comes to see me at my desk every day or two..still asks why we can't be friends..I still say that she already has a "boy friend" why would she need me to be her friend? So I'll be her drop by my desk to chat friend, but I have declined further invites to go for a drink, and invites to golf, go rollerblading, running and the other fun stuff we used to do together. I never ask her what she has been up to, just tell her what I've been doing. Today she asked me, "what did you do this weekend, other than cause trouble in my relationship?" I said pardon? "Well, you're not doing it intentionally.." Interesting statement, and I wanted to know more, but, m'eh, I changed the subject. Not sure where it is going, but if she is having doubts about new guy, it will only get worse as time passes...as long as I don't give in and start hanging out with her.....before the time is right anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOnThePrize Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 Keep the faith, Volksdad...It sounds to me like she's in the comparison stage, and maybe the new guy is coming up short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panda2008 Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 Volkslad, I think you are handling this right on the money - you should be proud of yourself. Keep it up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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