Volkslad Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 As some of you may know from previous posts..my ex REALLY wants to stay friends. We had been very good friends for 5 years before we started dating. We went from LC to NC about 2 months ago..after 6 weeks of NC she started contacting me wanting to know why we couldn't remain friends. Over the past two weeks I have told her numerous times that just being friends isn't enough for me, that I do not want to hang out, that I respect her decision to get a new BF and wish her luck, etc, etc.. I think she is starting to get the message. But the last time I saw her I did agree to go for a drink with her after work tomorrow. Not because I think she has seen the light, but because of our past we should at least spend one last social occasion together and just hang out. I will not agree to be just friends, nor will I ask her to reconsider..it is fine with me if we don't discuss US at all, but I know it will come up. I know going into it that it is the last page of the last chapter in our relationship..and I think (hope) she knows that too. I also know that no matter how well (or not) the night goes, how much fun we have together (or not), that I will be incredibly sad afterwards. But it will make it easier to move on in the long run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theredrocket Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 but because of our past we should at least spend one last social occasion together and just hang out. I don't agree with this at all, that is not a reason to spend time with someone. Think about how silly that is. The past was good, the present or future doesn't matter so we should spend time together? I think you are talking yourself into this one but you have also let her manipulate you into getting what she wants without having to give anything in return. I think you should tell her you have reconsidered, or don't tell her anything and just say you can't make it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Volkslad Posted April 29, 2008 Author Share Posted April 29, 2008 Yes, she wants to hang out with me..but, I also want to have one last outing with her. I'm a big boy, and would rather finish with a full face to face convo than the brief chats we have at work or the emails we have exchanged. And I can't cancel now, I don't want to ride off into the sunset leaving the scent of jerkishness as my lasting legacy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theredrocket Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 yes I know how it is man. But if you are going to do this than at least get all this riding off into the sunset, one last time crap out of your head. be positive, be enjoyable and be energetic. show what she is missing and how you are great with or without her. do not show her that you will be carrying some never dying torch for her or any of that other romanticky crap. btw, I did the one last dinner thing with my ex so I know how it feels and understand why you are doing. But I've read your other thread and was impressed with how you have been handling things and don't want to see you undo it. and for the record yes you could cancel it now, and she obviously doesn't see you as a jerk because it's so important to hang out with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lou31 Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 volkslad, i agree with theredrocket. make it a good night. show her how great you are! enjoy the time and if you are going to feel sad then do it in private. ive followed your posts and i too think you have done tremendously well. just remember in a sense you have backed down to her requests, so you are doing this for you. not her. show her what she is missing. if she is as confused as she seems to be then a great time with you when you go out will confuse her more. thats not to say you are being cruel, but she cant have her cake and eat it. you should steel yourself to believe this will be goodbye. and let her know it too. i just think so long as you are honest, straight but not depressed and sad this will do you more good than you think. she will be the one walking away from that and she will know it. i hope it goes well for you. and you will probably hit a down spell when its over like you say but i think you have reached a point when you have to do this for you. i wish you luck and strength!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addicus Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 Hey, you need to do what you need to do. I don't think having a drink with her is right or wrong..it just is and you can make it whatever kind of night you want it to be..happy, sad or indifferent. Sometimes that one last meeting really does help us move on and see realise that the break-up was a good thing...sometimes it can hurt like heck. I have followed your post....all I can say is that you are clear about what you need to do for you..good luck and keep us posted! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Volkslad Posted April 29, 2008 Author Share Posted April 29, 2008 Thanks for the support everyone..it really does help and I appreciate it. If US does come up, all I'm going to say is, "if you love me, do the right thing. If you don't, then you're already doing the right thing." I will advise (vent) on how it goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 What a good statement Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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