volpe Posted April 30, 2008 Author Share Posted April 30, 2008 I wrote him back and said he is doing great work and his website looks awesome (which it does). Since most of the time we talked about our work, I sent him an essay I'd been working on and asked for feedback, just saying if he doesn't have time I understand, but he would be in a good position to do so (there is a lot of overlap in our career interests). So... I'm not going to call him, cause already I have wrote him two personal emails and he has not written anything to me. Whatever. If he doesn't write me back, it's his loss! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Oooh - I wouldn't much like if someone I just met asked me for a favor like that (I have been asked for the same favor -- but by friends who I know or as a favor to a friend who has a family member who needs help). Did you mean this as a way to keep the conversation going? He might get the wrong impression and think you are trying to get free advice. Just my two cents. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
volpe Posted April 30, 2008 Author Share Posted April 30, 2008 yeah, it was sort of my way to keep the convo going really since he hadn't written me anything and i hadn't really said anything and it was relevant to what we spoke about in the cafe and the work he does, and i don't know, i probably shouldn't have. afterwards i wondered if i shouldn't have. oh well. i think if he was really interested he would have written me back already anyways. i also said in the email that it was totally o.k. if he couldn't. i don't know. it was probably a dumb thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 didn't mean for you to beat yourself up - no worries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
volpe Posted May 1, 2008 Author Share Posted May 1, 2008 Hey Batya, Well, I sent him an email... just saying, hey-- to clarify, i wasn't trying to put him to work and just wanted to continue the convo and to enjoy the sunshine. and he wrote me back and wants to hang tonight, so we might be going to an event tonight... depending on if he can wait for me to get out of class or not... he said if that didn't work for me we could hang sunday. So yeah, I figured honesty and directness in this case is the best plan of action Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 That sounds good - have fun hanging out with him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
volpe Posted May 2, 2008 Author Share Posted May 2, 2008 wow, well update... hmmm... he is a super intelligent, a bit self absorbed. we went to an event his friend was doing. some girl came up to him a bit younger than ourselves who seemed a little jealous he was with me cause she gave me the cold shoulder. I didn't mention anything about it. He didn't seem to want the night to end for obvious reasons, wanted me to come back to his place, made it clear he wanted to have sex. And I didn't. Though we did mess around. I think he just wants me for my body and not because I'm totally awesome. Which is o.k., but I'm not gonna go all the way... I wrote him a note on myspace saying I had made a commitment not to have sex outside of knowing someone for 6 months, and I hoped we could be friends. Of course, he may now totally blow me off or take offense or whatever. We had a good time and had a lot of laughs, so whatever. It would be nice to turn it to a friendship with sexual attraction and messing without sex, but maybe that is an unusual request? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
servedcold Posted May 2, 2008 Share Posted May 2, 2008 First thing, meeting a stranger and talking for 90 minutes is too long on both sides, kills some of the intitial attraction. So if you meet men at this spot in the future, make sure they know you don't have all day to sit around chatting, even if you do, and they should do the same. Unless you are looking for new platonic friends, 90 minute intro chats are way too long. At least you know he isn't a pickup artist. As George C. said (and many others) "Always leave em wanting more!" Second, if his best foot forward leaves him seeming self-absorbed on the first date, consider it as a red flag. Third, many men, self included, find ultimatums or time-limits about having sex to be rather childish. It's OK to have them, just don't announce it. Could be a turn off, no real chance of being a turn on, as many men have heard this type of thing from women who then ended up sleeping with them almost immediately. Telling someone about such a standard could have an opposite effect also, as it sounds too much like the hungover alcoholic's promise never to drink again, and we all know how long those vows tend to last... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I'm sorry the date didn't go well. I wouldn't have written him an e-mail about your sexual standards/preferences - I would have left that for a phone call or better yet, face to face. also since you don't' know him he could post something like that right on his myspace wall, etc - you never know where e-mails like that end up. Also, while I am like you in that I wait to get sexual, I don't think it gives the right impression to give a rigid time frame like that to someone you barely know. perhaps more like "I don't until I am serious with the person and exclusive - let him ask "how long" which could reflect his rigidity (i.e. I don't want to wait past a month, etc) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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