shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 ^ Yes and thats what I am working on thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Hopefully, you're finding ways to empower yourself as to your ability to be in control of your own fate and destiny. That's all self-esteem is - knowing that no matter where you, there you are, thank goodness that someone you trust, admire, respect, and accept is on the job of detrmining your identity and fate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 I feel so much like an effin jerk, Im venting sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 None of us are passing judgement on you. We are merely trying to help you come to reason with why you feel the way you feel and to possibly help you divert your negative energy into a more positive energy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 All that has happened, having been there done this, is that you don't respect yourself for how you acted in the situation. Rather than taking it out on you or him....learn from it, grow from it - so that you don't by default or choice "act" like this in the future. Jealousy is just "you're the best identifying marker I have and until I have a better marker, I can't let you get the impression that there is something out there better than me - for you". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 But I'm feeling like he loves me a little less and that he doesn't want to take me out anymore. Let alone be around me, I feel like he is holding back his emotions. I feel very bad right now. I'm trying to not think about it but its pretty hard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 HEre's the thing, a person couldn't have a feeling - without a thought. Some people never access what they think - to discover why they feel as they do - so that they can change their perception if they so choose. He's figured it out, it's not a negative or positive thing, but he's figured out he's got to be very careful baout where he takes you, what he says or does around you, and that very possibly what you say is okay -is not okay - and so he needs to plan more adeptly to avoid your insecurities. As long as you feeling like you're the bees knees thanks to his attention and no other women that you can compare yourself to around - you're a delightful person to be around. he's just got to structure all the involvement to fit that parameter. It's not about withholding or withdrawing.....it's just him coming to the realization to be around you so that it is pleasant, there can be nothing that makes you "feel" less than 210% all that and then some. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Don't overanalyze it. You already feel bad. Let that serve as a reminder to try and keep yourself together. Don't talk him to death about it. Hopefully it will just be one of those things that happened, and you just move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Let it go. If you pursue this it will only highlight your insecurity and that is never good, ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 but we can have girls around us without me being insecure Excalibur this one day I just felt weird for some reason. Well anyway I will try and put this behind me and then see how things unfold. I will try to take it easy and stop overthinking every move because it will just make it worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whiplash Girl Child Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Was that the first time you mentioned that he might as well break up with you . . . ? If so, maybe it scared the bejesus out of him. Stop focusing on him. Let him be the way he is with you. Focus more on yourself and how you feel about yourself. Your self-confidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 I have a hard time not focusing on problems. I alway gravitate to the negative its so hard living in battle with your thoughts. If he comes home late tonight I will begin to think its because he is mad at me and "over me". Its sad really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 But how often are you comfortable at the beach with him - and other women obviously in bathing suits are present ,or at the pool. You didn't want to go to "hooters" - specifically - why - do you feel jealous/insecure/threatened by the scantily clad women? Do you wish you could be one of those hired becuase of that appearance and aren't? You'd have to get at the root of what you were thinking - realizing the feeilng is an indicator that osmething is amiss - for you to begin to resolve the issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 I have a hard time not focusing on problems. You'd hvae an entirely different priority and perspective on problems, if you had goals for your life that are intended to identify and empower you as a person - not identify you as "someone's someone". I alway gravitate to the negative its so hard living in battle with your thoughts. That's right, it is - the internal war goes outward for resolution - it manifests itself in pleas and posturing for aattention, approval, and affirmation. It makes you always seeking these things by doing, giving, allowing, tolerating...and resenting it all the while. If he comes home late tonight I will begin to think its because he is mad at me and "over me". Its sad really. And that's is why it's so hard to be insecure - to lack identity. You're always belieeving that everything that everybody else does is giong to affect, upend, or determine your future. So you're constantly worried about the unknown...which is a vast realm. It encourage syou to delve off the deep end into impossible or improbable - withuot being able to discern the difference between that and possibilities or probabilities. So for you, your side of insecurity is a constant worry "am I good enough, am i going to discarded, if I am discarded how am I going to identify myself, take care of myself, etc." Being WITH an insecure person is also just as difficult - it's a parental job where you begin to realize that you're constantly having to monitor, supervise, and manipulate in some ways this person's perspective - so that they're feeling positive, so that theyr'e easier to deal with. It makes it impossible to have a partner in life's problems or issues needing resolution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 well I thinkI am an attractive woman, heres a pic .jpg[/img]and I love going to the beach and pool and I even took him to the strip club a few times just for fun. So this is why I am soo confused as to why the heck Hooters got to me, Pmsing? I don't know but I do know that I acted out for some reason. The reason is just so unknown. I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 The problem with using looks as proof of one's worth - is that you didn't generate your looks thru your personal effort. They're a gift of a DNA mix you didn't order or pay for or create. Leaning on the valuation of self in appearance - actually exacerbates insecurities......subliminally you're screaming when I"m not a size 3, when I'm not 22.....what am I going to be worth. Have you been doing this sort of thing like take him to clubs to "show hiim you're not insecure?" - it's possible you've been trying so hard to show that you're not insecure - while stuffing it in, that it has to come out somewhere. The internal war always goes outward for resolution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 I mean I think I look okay but it doesn't matter how I look, it matters how I am and if I have a nice personality and if I can handle my insecurities without putting them off on someone else you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 so I basically just need to not make everything he does a sign that he is angry. I just need to take a chill pill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whiplash Girl Child Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Hey, you seem to have nice hooters, btw. LoL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 haha thanks, Seriously he does everything to show me he cares and loves me and only me so its me I have to work on. I don't even know how to start over! sheesh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Try this - everybody does what they're doing - becuase they want it suits their agenda. So he's not doing what he does "because of/for/about/towards/on account of/in spite of/despite you" - he wants to, he believes he has the right and it is right according to his standards...period. If you take nothing he does personally - you'll see everything objectively. And if you beileve that you do waht you do 'for" him - it's to keep him, which is to benefit you - it has nothing to do with wanting the best for him as he determines it to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 The problem with using looks as proof of one's worth - is that you didn't generate your looks thru your personal effort. They're a gift of a DNA mix you didn't order or pay for or create. Leaning on the valuation of self in appearance - actually exacerbates insecurities......subliminally you're screaming when I"m not a size 3, when I'm not 22.....what am I going to be worth. Have you been doing this sort of thing like take him to clubs to "show hiim you're not insecure?" - it's possible you've been trying so hard to show that you're not insecure - while stuffing it in, that it has to come out somewhere. The internal war always goes outward for resolution. no its because I think its fun and sexy to go together sometimes not to show I'm not insecure. I'm not good at hiding my feeling at all I wouldn't put myself in that situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 Try this - everybody does what they're doing - becuase they want it suits their agenda. So he's not doing what he does "because of/for/about/towards/on account of/in spite of/despite you" - he wants to, he believes he has the right and it is right according to his standards...period. If you take nothing he does personally - you'll see everything objectively. And if you beileve that you do waht you do 'for" him - it's to keep him, which is to benefit you - it has nothing to do with wanting the best for him as he determines it to be. But how do I learn not to take what he does personally, this is one of my bad habits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 That how it is deaing with insecure people. They use feelings as facts, goals, calls to action and tools of cognition. They're very comparative, and believe that they're lacking and inferior and want no reprseentation in front of them that the world in general requires focus, visiion, self-requirement, and self-acceptance. So insecure people presenting the realities of thier insecurity - are just a walking target to be deceived. People know precisely what it is you can't handle...and so they don't have you in awareness of it...while using the justiification of not wanting to upset you - they do whatever it is they want to do, without you in the loop. It doesn't stop them from involving wtih you using the kid gloves. I ABSOLUTELY agree. I said on another thread thta insecure women were high maintenance and an insecure person disagreed saying not at all. Umm, yea it is high maintenance to always have to be careful what you do, what you say, where you go to not want to have to deal with tears, upset, accusations. Men who stay with women like this learn ovre time how to do the right things in her presense and just do what they want when out of sight. I could not date an insecure woman if i were a man. I read some of the threads here by insecure women and i honestly feel very sorry for the guys. I am not saying shoebaby that you have not improved. I think you have. I am trying to give you this perspective from his shoes. It isn't fun being the b/f of an insecure girl. It can be pretty miserable so keep that in mind as you continue your journey of self improvement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 no its because I think its fun and sexy to go together sometimes not to show I'm not insecure. I'm not good at hiding my feeling at all I wouldn't put myself in that situation. I think a stripclub is the absolute worst place an insecure girl should be going with her b/f. Wait until later on one day when you have conquered this thing first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.