annie24 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 I don't understand the reasoning of all these games and so called rules, the guy should be pursuing, the guy should ask for the numer, the guy should make the first contact attempt, wait a few days, etc, etc. And in all that meantime is waste of time and speculation and figuring things out. Send the text, make it short and sweet and open for followup, if he likes you he will be thrilled you sent it and you guys can correspond right away, you'll feel it out, if he doesn't move on and end of story. It's really all that simple. i do agree. i'd send a 'hey - it's kristy from the wine tasting - how's it going?' just kind of casual. i think if he's interested, he'll ask you out within a few days. if he doesn't, and just texts back and forth without making plans, then i'd forget it. you can call too, of course, but keep it casual and short. but me personally, i'd rather send a hello text. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 1) She asked for mine, good for her, she is initiating to make an effort and contact me, I will let her. Yes, that is nice but then reciprocate with your number. 2) Believe it or not sometimes when I or my friends asked for a number in return the girl would just simply say, well I got yours so I will call you. If that would happen I would be totally turned off so I don't even take that chance and that does happen. That's your decision not to take a risk - so then you have to accept the consequences that you are going to put off those ladies who get the impression that you don't care whether you risk never seeing her again. 3) Sometimes girls want to contact the guy on their own account and when they are comfortable in doing so, there are alot of weirdos out there and believe it or not I've actually heard girls say, I usually ask for the guys number and don't offer him mine, this way I can call him without revealing my info until I find out he is alright up there. Yes, that is true, but it doesn't explain why you won't at least offer your number. 4) I absolutely disagree with the fact that it should be the guy initiating and pursuing the dating relationship at first. It's not about shoulds, it's about what generally works in the real world. See how many adult, long term healthy happy relationships you know of where the woman did most of the calling, initiating and plannning in the beginning. more, not all is what I think the guy should do in the beginning and in my experiences what most reasonably confident guys are more comfortable doing (if someone is painfully insecure or painfully shy he wouldn't be a good match for me). Just the other day, a guy in his early 30s who I just met shared with me three anecdotes about recent dating disasters. The theme was the same in all three - the woman had come on strongly, had called him several times after the first date to ask him out again (he wasn't interested), etc. He said about one "so we met and she asked for my number... that was "ok"" but he said as it if were a neutral, not a good thing. He is one of hundreds of examples. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 In response to that laughable so called fact that if he doesn't ask for your number he's not that into you. Well I can tell you, I'm a guy and I don't always ask for number in return even from women who I am just dying to hear back from. I let them contact me on their own account, if they asked for my number, there is a reason and they will call/text if they want to. I think you may be missing out on a lot of women this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainNapalm Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 lady00, the text you recommend is very safe and well put, however this will leave her hanging and wondering for days if he will every contact her again, it is a closed text and not something requiring follow up or answer. thereforeeee by sending it she won't know if he's interested or not even if he doesn't respond in a day or two. If she sends something like: "Hi, It's (so and so), it was great chatting with you last night....." This is more of an invitation to send a text back and if he doesnt' respond to that shortly, she will know right away he's not interested Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oh my god... ho Posted April 27, 2008 Author Share Posted April 27, 2008 Hmmm just to clarify, I was trying to give him my number, but I think he misunderstood. He asked me how was he supposed to run into me in my town, and I said you have a phone don't you? Then I was planning on giving him my number, but he ended up writing down his own. So... I don't know, he sounded interested otherwise why give out the #? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 In response to that laughable so called fact that if he doesn't ask for your number he's not that into you. Well I can tell you, I'm a guy and I don't always ask for number in return even from women who I am just dying to hear back from. I let them contact me on their own account, if they asked for my number, there is a reason and they will call/text if they want to. No, not a fact an opinion. Based on much experience. On the other hand, you seem a bit rigid -- and self-sabotaging -- in your refusal to ask for a woman's number after she asks for yours or after you offer yours. Even in a friendship or business situation if the other person doesn't ask for my number I assume that they are not to keen on keeping in touch so they will not be on top of my list to call if they even make the list, depending. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 lady00, the text you recommend is very safe and well put, however this will leave her hanging and wondering for days if he will every contact her again, it is a closed text and not something requiring follow up or answer. thereforeeee by sending it she won't know if he's interested or not even if he doesn't respond in a day or two. If she sends something like: "Hi, It's (so and so), it was great chatting with you last night....." This is more of an invitation to send a text back and if he doesnt' respond to that shortly, she will know right away he's not interested If he's interested, he will call pretty soon. I don't think the OP will be "hanging and wondering," because it's just some guy she just met...why would she be worried about it at all? If I were in this situation, I'd send the text and I'd forget about it...if the guy called and asked me out, I'd go...but I wouldn't be "hanging and wondering," I'd go on with my life as usual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainNapalm Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 You guys are probably right, and yes I may be missing out on a lot of women, but let's cater our suggestion again to what the original issue was here. She is obvioulsy dying to know if he's interested. If he is interested and she sends him a text open for followup, he will respond right away and it will be all fine, if he's not he won't. Look at how simple that is. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that guys! But I agree with you guys I guess I see your point on why he should have asked for hers but point is he didn't so my solution I think as was her initial suggestion, is send the text and find out right away where you stand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tethys Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 1) She asked for mine, good for her, she is initiating to make an effort and contact me, I will let her. No problem with that... 2) Believe it or not sometimes when I or my friends asked for a number in return the girl would just simply say, well I got yours so I will call you. If that would happen I would be totally turned off so I don't even take that chance and that does happen. If a woman refuses to give her number but takes yours, it generally means she's not interested. 3) Sometimes girls want to contact the guy on their own account and when they are comfortable in doing so, there are alot of weirdos out there and believe it or not I've actually heard girls say, I usually ask for the guys number and don't offer him mine, this way I can call him without revealing my info until I find out he is alright up there. I am a woman, and I have NEVER heard a woman say this. Ever. We give out our numbers to men we are interested in.... really! 4) I absolutely disagree with the fact that it should be the guy initiating and pursuing the dating relationship at first I used to believe that it was fine to pursue a man, but whenever I did, it turned into a disaster for me personally. Though men say they are "flattered" to be be pursued, I think deep down they don't like it that much. THEY like to pursue. I don't like this set-up either, but that seems to be the way it is. But I will always indicate interest and reciprocate. I just won't do all the calling and planning in the beginning stages because that is guaranteed to backfire on me. Just my experience... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 If he's interested, he will call pretty soon. I don't think the OP will be "hanging and wondering," because it's just some guy she just met...why would she be worried about it at all? If I were in this situation, I'd send the text and I'd forget about it...if the guy called and asked me out, I'd go...but I wouldn't be "hanging and wondering," I'd go on with my life as usual. yes, i agree. i think if he's interested in her more, he'll respond back quickly and ask her out. i think if he's not interested, he'll take his time. maybe he'll respond, but not ask her out on a date after several exchanged texts. ps - i wouldn't respond back to a text right away either, wait several hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oh my god... ho Posted April 27, 2008 Author Share Posted April 27, 2008 Well I've figured out I would be more comfortable texting... that's just me =) So now the question is... its the day after. Should I go ahead & text or wait a few? BTW, that was the original question anyway I'm not sure if it really matters to me who got who's phone number LOL. I just want to know when I can contact the guy~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Well I've figured out I would be more comfortable texting... that's just me =) So now the question is... its the day after. Should I go ahead & text or wait a few? BTW, that was the original question anyway I'm not sure if it really matters to me who got who's phone number LOL. I just want to know when I can contact the guy~! Contact him whenever, keep it short and simple "Hi, it was nice meeting you yesterday, here's my number if you want to keep in touch. Take care." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 you can text now, why not? it's sunday afternoon. probably better than texting during moday work hours or a saturday night. i'd just leave it to a simple - hey - how's it going? text and let him be the one to ask you out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Contact him whenever, keep it short and simple "Hi, it was nice meeting you yesterday, here's my number if you want to keep in touch. Take care." that works too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tethys Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 I still say DO NOT TEXT!! Texting is horrible and you cannot gauge a person's interest, and they you set a precedent -- texting about stuff, even important stuff. Sheesh, just call him in a couple of days, then let him know your number, which will probably show up on caller id. If you sound too eager, you will turn him off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainNapalm Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 So in my opinion he was initiating to bumping into you again, then he spoke about corresponding by phone first, then because he probably feared you saying no if he asked for your digits he simply offered his. Just send him an open text and good luck with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 I still say DO NOT TEXT!! Texting is horrible and you cannot gauge a person's interest, and they you set a precedent -- texting about stuff, even important stuff. Sheesh, just call him in a couple of days, then let him know your number, which will probably show up on caller id. If you sound too eager, you will turn him off. i used to share this opinion, not so much anymore. i agree that texting shouldn't be used for anything serious. but what i prefer about texting is that you aren't interrupting people in the middle of something important. that's what's good about email and texting. you send a person a message and they can respond at their own lesuire. it's less intrusive than phone calling or IMing. i don't like IMing not because it's impersonal, but sometimes i am working at my computer and am not in the mood to have someone chat. maybe he is having sunday brunch with his family and can't talk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 So in my opinion he was initiating to bumping into you again, then he spoke about corresponding by phone first, then because he probably feared you saying no if he asked for your digits he simply offered his. Just send him an open text and good luck with it! She was at a winery for a wine festival. Most people don't regularly hang out at wineries, especially if they're there for a festival. He was willing to risk never seeing/hearing from her again. He had ample opportunity to offer his contact info with a business excuse. I would factor that in to the expectations of a response. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainNapalm Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Annie24, I agree with you 100%. Particulary at the early stages of any correspondence texting is a great way to communicate in a relaxed way without interrupting someone and best way to see if they are interested without putting them on the spot on the phone right way. On a second note, bottom line is this, YES you guys are right, if he is like most guys he maybe would have asked for her number, but if he is like me and didn't and offered his, he may very well be just dying to hear from her and if she doesn't contact him soon she could be missing out. And there is nothing wrong with sending that text, so why the heck just not send it and get it over with, find out if he's interested? Send the text! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tethys Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Annie, I still disagree -- if you're interested in someone, and you call them at a reasonable hour, how is that interrupting their day? They should be delighted to hear from you. I refuse to text, sorry ... just don't do it. The only time I text is if a close friend or family member sends me an important text while I am in class -- that's the only time I respond. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainNapalm Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Batya33, let's assume you're right and since he didn't offer his contact information he may very well be not interested. So why wait speculating and not just confirm this via text message. Who know's they may hit it off and exchange a few texts and he will call her in no time. And if you're right, why would it hurt to just confirm? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tethys Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Oh! Also meant to say -- "To each his own..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainNapalm Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Sometimes it's just easier to put your pride aside for just one moment, take a chance, initiate the first contact, and if no response hurt for a little moment and move on with it, rarther than hold on to your pride and wait there for days wondering what could have been, why he didn't ask for my number, sit here glued to the computer on a forum speculating and getting all these wonderfull opitions, what if this, what if that, etc. Your initial instinct was that you wanted to text him, this is who you are and what you wanted to do, then be confident in it and do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 i think you can gauge a person's interest by whether they are asking to meet you in person and have a date. to me, it doesn't matter if a guy is calling, texting, emailing, or sending a messenger pigeon. if he's communicating with me, but not asking me out, i see he is not interested. if he is texting me and asking me out, he is interested. case in point - the last guy i was dating, we met at a nightclub. he said at the end of the night, 'i would like to see you again.' i said, 'well, you should take my number then!' i gave him my number. he texted me 30 minutes later to say good night. i texted him back in the morning, 'good morning, have a good day.' he texted me back a few hours later asking if i wanted to go dancing that night, and i texted back yes. so, we made all these plans to meet up, over text. we could have talked on the phone too. doesn't matter, it was a means to an end (a date). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tethys Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 CaptainNapalm, If I were in the OP's shoes, I WOULD call, even though he didn't give me his number, in the off-chance It could happen and swallow my pride. I just wouldn't have my hopes up, but yes, I would take the chance if I really liked the guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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