Got a Phone number! When should I call???!

[oh my god... ho]

I went to a wine festival over the weekend and hit things off w/ a guy giving samples from one of the wineries. I ended up getting his phone number which totally made my day! He seems like a cool guy and I'd really like to hang out sometime. How soon should I wait to shoot him a text??? This was just yesterday and I don't want to come off as creepy. I mean, I don't know I'm a girl so maybe those rules don't apply like they do w/ guys. Should I text him today (the day after) or wait a few???

 

Also what should I say? Suggestions??? I want this guy to get this text and be like "hell yeeaaa" LOL.

[Tethys]

First of all, I would say CAN the texting, totally. Call him in 3-5 days, make small talk, let him get your number. If he makes plans to meet up again, yay. If he doesn't...ummm... don't contact him for another five days, then feel it out.

 

Just don't seem too over-eager, and texting, IMO, is a bad way to go about feeling this stuff out.

[CaptainNapalm]

It's very simple, if the guy likes you and is interested in seeing you genuinely again none of the three days rules apply. Infact, I would send him a text today. If you wait too long and he actually likes you then he may get the impression that you are not too sure if to contact him or that you aren't that interested. I'd love to get a text right away. I wouldn't be to pushy in anything you say, I would simply wirte: "It's xxxxxxxx, it was a pleasure meeting you last night and exchanging a few words...." I would leave it at that and this form of text is open for followup. Don't write something that would not encourage him to text you right back. By writing what I suggested you will immediately see if he is really interested, if he responds in the next couple of hours he is, if you don't hear back from him don't make the next attempt to contact him for at least a few days or that may come off as too pushy. Normally I wouldn't recommend contacting him ever again if he doesn't respond but I know some of the texts I sent or was suppose to receive in the past didn't come through so there might be a possibility he didn't get it. But yeah, for sure write him something short and sweet right away. Good luck!

[Batya33]

Since he didn't ask for your number, I would call him casually but not expect much in return. I would say the same even if he did ask for your number, but expect a bit less if he didn't get yours - if he was interested he wouldn't have wanted to risk never seeing you again, I would think.

[lady00]

I suggest you text him and say "call me sometime...my number is ________" because I think if a guy is really into you, he will call you. I'm a believer in the idea that a guy should do the initial pursuing...that way you know he's really interested in you...which is always good to know.

[JadedStar]

I would think that he should have gotten your number as well, and i would wait for him to call first. But since he didn't ask for it (i am assume?) then yes wait a few days and call and keep it very casual wtihout any expectations. See if he suggests meeting up again. If he does not suggest it by the time you two hang up i would write him off.

[Batya33]

Also if he is interested you don't need to dazzle him with a text.

[lady00]

Since he didn't ask for your number, I would call him casually but not expect much in return. I would say the same even if he did ask for your number, but expect a bit less if he didn't get yours - if he was interested he wouldn't have wanted to risk never seeing you again, I would think.

 

From personal experience, I agree with this 100%.

[CaptainNapalm]

Batya, some guys myself included do not ask for a number in return if the girl asks for mine. Infact, I've been asked for my number many times from girls that I was very interested in and hoped they would contact me but have never asked for theirs. I'm just shy that way I guess and don't want to seem overly pushy. I don't think it is any indication that he is not all that interested. Again, rather than wondering too long about it, like I said before, send a text and see if he responds. It's very simple, if he likes the girl he will respond very soon, if not then he won't and no more speculating.

[CaptainNapalm]

I don't understand the reasoning of all these games and so called rules, the guy should be pursuing, the guy should ask for the numer, the guy should make the first contact attempt, wait a few days, etc, etc. And in all that meantime is waste of time and speculation and figuring things out. Send the text, make it short and sweet and open for followup, if he likes you he will be thrilled you sent it and you guys can correspond right away, you'll feel it out, if he doesn't move on and end of story. It's really all that simple.

[Batya33]

I'm not a big fan of a woman asking a man for his number unless he has asked for hers and if a man offered me his number without asking for mine I said (if i was interested) "thanks for your number - here is mine and if you want to get together, call me, thanks."

 

There's no indication that he is shy and from his job description I would be surprised if he was shy.

[Batya33]

I don't understand the reasoning of all these games and so called rules, the guy should be pursuing, the guy should ask for the numer, the guy should make the first contact attempt, wait a few days, etc, etc. And in all that meantime is waste of time and speculation and figuring things out. Send the text, make it short and sweet and open for followup, if he likes you he will be thrilled you sent it and you guys can correspond right away, you'll feel it out, if he doesn't move on and end of story. It's really all that simple.

 

I would say the same thing about meeting a potential new friend. If I met someone I clicked with and had no way of getting in contact again I would want that person's contact info. It's not about rules for me but in general I find it more effective, if a woman wants a relationship with a man, to let him do more of the calling and asking in the beginning. Not about rules or right or wrong, just what I've seen work and what I've seen not work, hundreds of times.

[CaptainNapalm]

Guys please understand this, I come off as an outgoing individual when it comes to talking to people and in social settings, however, everytime a woman had asked for my number in the past I gave it to her and left it at that, I never ever pushed to get hers, and many times I was really interested in her and was just dying for her to call or send me a text the next day, often times they did, sometimes they didn't.

[CaptainNapalm]

Point is, we are discussing all this in so much detail, making all these suggestions, speculating on what to do, when there is such a simple solution to this: She sends and open to response text, he responds he likes her and is interested, he doesn't end of story.

[Batya33]

Guys please understand this, I come off as an outgoing individual when it comes to talking to people and in social settings, however, everytime a woman had asked for my number in the past I gave it to her and left it at that, I never ever pushed to get hers, and many times I was really interested in her and was just dying for her to call or send me a text the next day, often times they did, sometimes they didn't.

 

Glad that works for you. It wouldn't work for me or most of the women I know. We'd assume the guy was willing to risk never being in contact again and that would affect whether we called.

[Tethys]

All this talk is why I told the OP to can the texting and just call the guy in a few days -- I think that is the best bet. She can feel him out from there and gauge his interest level. I think texting is a terrible way to gauge someone's interest.

[JadedStar]

Guys please understand this, I come off as an outgoing individual when it comes to talking to people and in social settings, however, everytime a woman had asked for my number in the past I gave it to her and left it at that, I never ever pushed to get hers, and many times I was really interested in her and was just dying for her to call or send me a text the next day, often times they did, sometimes they didn't.

 

I strongly suggest trying to overcome this fear if you want to up your chances of finding someone to date. I would not be very thrilled if the guy were too shy to get my phone number....

[Batya33]

Point is, we are discussing all this in so much detail, making all these suggestions, speculating on what to do, when there is such a simple solution to this: She sends and open to response text, he responds he likes her and is interested, he doesn't end of story.

 

I gave simple advice - to call him but not to expect a response.

[lady00]

I don't understand the reasoning of all these games and so called rules, the guy should be pursuing, the guy should ask for the numer, the guy should make the first contact attempt, wait a few days, etc, etc.

 

I think for many women, this has worked the best. For me, that's how it's been, so that's why I give the advice to let the guy pursue in the beginning. Many, if not most, men that I know (as friends, or have dated) much prefer to pursue women than the other way around. I don't see any need for the OP to wait to text...I think she can do it right away. But I also do think him not asking for her number isn't great--it's actually an example used in the book "He's Not That Into You," (the book advises the woman to toss the number because, according to the authors, if the guy gives you his number instead of asking for yours, he's just not that into you). Now, whether the book is right or wrong...I think it's right..but that is only based on my personal dating experiences. Others may have experienced things differently. A guy who meets a woman who really strikes him won't want to run the risk of losing touch with her so he'd get her number. Shy guys may be reluctant to do this...but the whole point is guys who take risks also reap the benefits...guys who are too shy often miss out.

 

And in all that meantime is waste of time and speculation and figuring things out. Send the text, make it short and sweet and open for followup, if he likes you he will be thrilled you sent it and you guys can correspond right away, you'll feel it out, if he doesn't move on and end of story. It's really all that simple.

 

I agree with this.

[Tethys]

I strongly suggest trying to overcome this fear if you want to up your chances of finding someone to date. I would not be very thrilled if the guy were too shy to get my phone number....

 

 

Wow, agreed. You need to call the women who express interest in you if you are interested in them! If you make no effort, they will assume you are not interested.

[JadedStar]

All this talk is why I told the OP to can the texting and just call the guy in a few days -- I think that is the best bet. She can feel him out from there and gauge his interest level. I think texting is a terrible way to gauge someone's interest.

 

I agree. Texting is too passive aggressive. She should call him in a few days and talking to him will help better gauge his enthusiasm as well.

[Batya33]

I agree. Texting is too passive aggressive. She should call him in a few days and talking to him will help better gauge his enthusiasm as well.

Yes, perfect. The rest of my input had to do with if this situation occurs again. Especially since he worked there getting her number would just have been "hey I want to let you know when our next chardonnay comes out - can I have your contact info?"

[CaptainNapalm]

JadedStar, this is not a fear and I don't ask for the number in return for the following reasons:

 

1) She asked for mine, good for her, she is initiating to make an effort and contact me, I will let her.

2) Believe it or not sometimes when I or my friends asked for a number in return the girl would just simply say, well I got yours so I will call you. If that would happen I would be totally turned off so I don't even take that chance and that does happen.

3) Sometimes girls want to contact the guy on their own account and when they are comfortable in doing so, there are alot of weirdos out there and believe it or not I've actually heard girls say, I usually ask for the guys number and don't offer him mine, this way I can call him without revealing my info until I find out he is alright up there.

4) I absolutely disagree with the fact that it should be the guy initiating and pursuing the dating relationship at first.

[lady00]

I agree. Texting is too passive aggressive. She should call him in a few days and talking to him will help better gauge his enthusiasm as well.

 

I don't know about that...personally, I think if she texts him and says "hey it's [insert her name], it was nice meeting you the other day at [wherever they met], call me sometime if you want to get together" she can gauge his interest by whether or not he ever calls her. It's probably the easiest way.

 

Edit: I just noticed you called the texting passive aggressive...I don't see why it has to be. I think it depends on what the message is.

[CaptainNapalm]

In response to that laughable so called fact that if he doesn't ask for your number he's not that into you. Well I can tell you, I'm a guy and I don't always ask for number in return even from women who I am just dying to hear back from. I let them contact me on their own account, if they asked for my number, there is a reason and they will call/text if they want to.