Bad Reps?

[JadedStar]

I'd just like to bring up that this goes both ways - in other words, guys aren't the only ones who refine their personalities when they are around women. I've been in situations where it's been me and at least six other girls, and they can be just as vulgar as guys can, with non-stop gossip added...it makes me wonder what they're like when there're no guys present.

 

Two differences. 1) girls can get away with that easier. It is what it is. and 2) they are likely not there trying to get a date out of the guy who happens to be there with them. The guy is in THEIR group and they are being themselves. Sounds like doug is having issues with the vulgar talk around potential ladies he might like to date one day. He won't get far like that. If he wasn't looking for tips on social acceptance i'd tell him don't worry about it and be himself, but sometimes being yourself has to have a governor on it if you want to be taken seriously.

 

I am no prude. When we go out and there is mostly guys there i can be as raunchy as the rest, but i am not looking to date them and they are close friends so i am not tyring to impress them either. If i was single and saw one of them as a potential dating partner I'd tone it way down so as to not give off a poor impression.

[Carmine]

True, girls are naturally more subtle with their inter-girl talk, but if you mean guys will accept them more easily than girls will accept vulgar guys, I'm not so sure about that. If I hear a group of girls acting like a total airheads around each other, constantly calling each other * * * * s and hoes and the like, then I'm gonna be turned off.

 

There have been some times where neither I nor the group of girls I was with were interested in dating each other, so they felt comfortable talking raunchy about every guy in the room. Other times though, I knew for a fact that someone out of that group of girls was interested in me (otherwise they wouldn't all have simultaneously sat down at my table grinning at me and asking me some...suggestive questions). In spite of that though, they were still kind of raunchy, but a lot less than they would have normally been.

 

And as I said before, there needs to be a fine line. Being perverted and vulgar is not going to work with women, no matter how you try to work it in. What I also said, however, was that being a bit strange or awkward is not necessarily a bad thing if you can make those characteristics reflect you as someone intriguing or unique.

[Dougie_D]

People have said that I am eccentric. I don't know how bad that is. I think my major problem is, i am just more expressive than the usual person. When I get excited, I get EXCITED... I was one of those kids wearing the leash when I was younger.

[Batya33]

People have said that I am eccentric. I don't know how bad that is. I think my major problem is, i am just more expressive than the usual person. When I get excited, I get EXCITED... I was one of those kids wearing the leash when I was younger.

 

That doesn't have to be a problem - you can decide to change your behavior by expressing your excitement in appropriate ways given the situation, timing, etc or by keeping it to yourself if it wouldn't be appropriate to express it right then. Being expressive doesn't need to be tactless, vulgar, or inappropriate. That's a choice - completely within your control. It takes practice but if you really do want to improve socially, you'll put in the effort.

 

"They" say that for many people getting negative attention is better than being ignored. Try to repress the urge to get some kind of attention from people, even if negative and instead, start doing 80% listening, 20% talking, and when you speak, use a filter, be conscious of where you are and what the conversation is.

[rocio]

Changing your behavior is a good start but it's not the solution.

 

You are convinced that you are rude, vulgar, digusting.. You are convinced that you are unworthy of female companionship. Your self-loathing is projected to others, whether you're being nice, rude, or just yourself.

 

You need to find a way to accept yourself, otherwise nobody else will.

[boo121]

so, does this mean I have to move away? Everywhere I go, I seem to run into someone that "knows me." I'm too afraid of this rep thing now. I feel really, really, doomed.

 

I think you are overly concerned with the opinions of your peer group. What you need to do is get good at standing up for yourself, and stating your opinion. People call you pervy, then you accept it. It doesnt matter what your friends or people think about you, what matters is how you think about you. understand?

 

right so if some1 calls you pervy, just say "thanks for noticing" smile, shrug it off, dont let it get to you. People think im rude sometimes, so i just say "thats right and im glad you like it" honestly it doesnt matter, people bad mouth everybody. What matters is whether you let it get to you.

[MD Geist]

I think your really close to whatever it is your serching for its the little stuff thats holding you back.

 

I was their a couple years back pretty much where your at today and with some minor day to day habbits and being around the right people my life is turning for better.