pumpkinmoon Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 whats sad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 I think its good that the hope will fade in time, otherwise we would spend the rest of our lives hoping for something that just isnt going to happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 IMO, living on hope isn't healthy. I no longer "hope" my ex and I will get back together, although oddly enough, I do believe that she will want to attempt a reconciliation at some point. Its not that I don't want to get back together with her, its just that I am now very clear on my requirements for us getting back together, and I have no idea if/when she's be ready to deal with that. I don't want to get back together with the old version of my ex who filled my life with as much craziness as joy. I'd rather be single than do that. I still love her as much as I always have, maybe more, and now I'm not as much "in love" with her, which I guess is the entire purpose of NC. I'm sure if I saw her tomorrow, all sorts of feelings would come back, and I think I am getting more realistic about those feelings. I'm not jealous of slimeball for being with her, I'm not upset that she moved 1,200 miles away, I'm not mad at her because of the divorce, I'm just accepting that this is where life has taken us today. I am keeping focused on my goals, and on nudging the future in the direction I want. Now, that path has her on it, and it also has a lot of other possibilities, because there are many branches to the path. Today, I don't know down which one I'll ultimately travel. I've said it before, under all her baggage, my ex is by far the most amazing woman I've met in my life. I would love for her to ditch that baggage and shine through and I'd love to be a big part of her life if she ever does that. However, the fact that I have to use "if" in that statement and not "when" is what tempers my hope. I don't yet believe that she is ever going to get help, and she may be doomed to an unhappy life. I put it out to the universe every night that she will understand what she's doing to herself and see that there is a better way, and that only goes so far. The big steps are up to her. Its tough for me to love her as much as I do and watch her do this to herself, which is another reason I'm not complaining about NC. I want to "save" her, to "rescue" her, and that doesn't work. I tried it for 9 years and it didn't work. It won't magically work now. Nothing will work until she's ready to admit that things aren't working for her and to get some professional help. That's just my situation and my opinion, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtm78 Posted April 24, 2008 Author Share Posted April 24, 2008 neat stuff... you did a lot of inner searching... however... I no longer "hope" my ex and I will get back together, although oddly enough, I do believe that she will want to attempt a reconciliation at some point. isnt that kind of like hope? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 neat stuff... you did a lot of inner searching... however... I no longer "hope" my ex and I will get back together, although oddly enough, I do believe that she will want to attempt a reconciliation at some point. isnt that kind of like hope? Not to me, because I'm not living my life based on it happening. I just suspect that one day I'll get the call that says "I want to give us another shot" and I'll have to pretend to be surprised. At this point, since I'm not sure if its something I want (because of my conditions), I find it hard to call it a hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtm78 Posted April 25, 2008 Author Share Posted April 25, 2008 i had a dream.. i dreamt that i went on a hoilday.. and i saw a couple of the girls i use to date... they are trying to flirt with me. or something. but i wasnt interested... it was a beach resort of some kind... at night.. so i smile to them and i return to my room... one of them followed... and i ask her to give me some space... somehow i was talking to her.. and the next moment i am back in my country and i decided to go look for my ex... with my lauggage i was at my ex's doorstep... and my alarm clock rang... i never knew what happen... EyesOnThePrize, sounds resonable... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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