EyesOnThePrize Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 segor - I talk with my ex every night. She's not there, but I still tell her about my day, about what's going on for me, about the work I'm doing. I wish she was actually here to hear it, and maybe it resonates through the universe to her. It does make me feel close to her, and helps me wind down from the day. I suppose that some could argue its not exactly helping me forget her, and right now it works for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Thanks Annie... I'm doing all of those things... my support system of people in my life has once again been amazing.. I'll look into that book tomorrow-- thank you for that suggestion.. I think sometimes it's good to cry it out.... you know? yes, i agree, cry. definitely, get it out. but don't wallow for too long! don't let him rob you of happiness. i am glad your friends are there for you, isn't that a good feeling? sorry he wasn't the one. breakups suck. really. think of all the positive cases - like people who got their hearts stomped on, only to meet the true love of their life a few months later! shes2smart on this site was one of those people. stories like that give me hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
segor56 Posted April 19, 2008 Author Share Posted April 19, 2008 yes, i agree, cry. definitely, get it out. but don't wallow for too long! don't let him rob you of happiness. i am glad your friends are there for you, isn't that a good feeling? sorry he wasn't the one. breakups suck. really. think of all the positive cases - like people who got their hearts stomped on, only to meet the true love of their life a few months later! shes2smart on this site was one of those people. stories like that give me hope. I know-- it's one reason that I said 'yes' to NC. If we would've dragged it out... I'd be two steps behind (so to speak) and that much more removed mentally from being open to someone new.... you are right...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 the book recommends at least 60 days of no contact, and i agree. helps get your head straight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
segor56 Posted April 19, 2008 Author Share Posted April 19, 2008 Here's something so true about this relationship: Tonight I had my makeup done at MAC with a friend to feel 'pretty' and for fun.. (Looked great.. very fun... ) Now.. that makeup is smeared all over my face and big black circles and streaks are down my cheeks.. WHY.. because of him. Dumb... I DESERVE BETTER..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TENNFOLD1974 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Here's something so true about this relationship: Tonight I had my makeup done at MAC with a friend to feel 'pretty' and for fun.. (Looked great.. very fun... ) Now.. that makeup is smeared all over my face and big black circles and streaks are down my cheeks.. WHY.. because of him. Dumb... I DESERVE BETTER.....Yes, you do dear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kuiks8 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Vancouver....... thanks for the reminder...I needed it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazthecat Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 segor - I talk with my ex every night. She's not there, but I still tell her about my day, about what's going on for me, about the work I'm doing. I wish she was actually here to hear it, and maybe it resonates through the universe to her. It does make me feel close to her, and helps me wind down from the day. I suppose that some could argue its not exactly helping me forget her, and right now it works for me. Jeez, eyes, this just crushed me..I did this as well, when my world first got shattered..I found this to be the hardest part. Not being able to tell my ex how my day went. Something as simple as this, or the lack of it was excruiating painful.. I then moved onto my cats. They looked at me funny. Yawned and then rubbed against my leg..I took any kind of affection I could get at that point. :sad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 taz - I have a cat and dog that sleep with me, although at some point I'm shipping the cat out to her. The dog is a little 5 lb chihuahua, but somehow she seems to be able to push me all over the bed. But yeah, their love definitely helps. The cat has been especially co-dependent. She knows what a suitcase means, and saw that I was packing last night. I'm sure my ex has lots of stuff she wants to tell me, too. She has her boyfriend to talk to now, and she's said its very easy to talk to him, so I suspect she doesn't have this "need" to the same degree that I do, and regardless of how easy it is to talk to him, he doesn't have the bond of the many years that we do. NC sucks a lot, but I believe it sucks on both sides when there are lingering feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Yes, of course you deserve better. NC is not a solution it's a way to self-protect, heal faster, and on the outside chance that the "dumper" regrets the decision, the dumper will have the benefit of seeing what life is like without the other person. Continued contact doesn't allow for that. Of course it shouldn't be a game -that backfires. Telling the person "I really enjoy being in touch but for my own best interests i can't be if you don't want to be with me." And it can't be just to get the other person back. I'm sorry, Segor, you took a risk and it doesn't seem to be working out, but I hope you don't regret taking the risk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Litgirl01 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Segor woman...I hope you feel better today!!! I went to bed just as your post started! I'm here if you need to talk! love ya!! xx Taz and eyes....I have a cat too! Her name is Belle (my little baby)...she keeps me company! I also like to walk my mom's dog...a black lab mix. Animals def help a lot! If you are an animal lover of course!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kuiks8 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Hey Segor...new day, new perspective...Maybe take some time today to think of what you want in life...let your mind go wild...think in terms of if I could do ANYTHING for a living....if i could go ANYWHERE in the world...if I could try ANY sport or activity etc...Just keep writing until you are completely tapped out...and then pick 1 or 2 things that really stick out to you and make a specific plan on how to make them happen... I think the only thing that is going to get me through this part of my life is to look ahead...to plan ahead and to believe that everything happens for a reason and i have a purpose...Looking ahead and planning our life empowers us and i know for myself i need to feel powerful and in control right now...because this helpless alone feeling is too much to take.. if you ever need anything...I am here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
segor56 Posted April 19, 2008 Author Share Posted April 19, 2008 Thank you Kuiks. This is great advice. I am having a c#ap day today. I went with a friend to get a pedicure this morning... (highly recommend this to all the females out there)... and was feeling ok at that point. But, then I hit a wall. It's going to be fine.. in fact better than fine.. I just feel like I have been telling myself this over and over again with men. The thing is.. I've done sooo much of what I set out to do. I've travelled so much of the world.. took good jobs.. really lived life pretty freely. Yet, why does ONE persons love being gone hurt so stinkin much? There is the old cliche that we should 'love ourselves' first. Ok, I do love myself... but, it's when someone else decides not to love me that it really ticks me off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
segor56 Posted April 19, 2008 Author Share Posted April 19, 2008 Segor woman...I hope you feel better today!!! I went to bed just as your post started! I'm here if you need to talk! love ya!! xx Taz and eyes....I have a cat too! Her name is Belle (my little baby)...she keeps me company! I also like to walk my mom's dog...a black lab mix. Animals def help a lot! If you are an animal lover of course!!!! My ex 'hated' my cat. Jerk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Litgirl01 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 I the man hates your cat...he's gotta go! LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
segor56 Posted April 19, 2008 Author Share Posted April 19, 2008 I the man s your cat...he's gotta go! LOL in general.... he has to go... go FAR away from my brain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Litgirl01 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 link removed Look at this site!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazthecat Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 It was a ritual my friend..You and I know how that goes..Me and the ex actually did the old school ritual of either going out for dinner on a daily basis, or cooked together, and sat down and discussed our day.. A few days after the ex left, she let me know that she really missed talking to me the most, because it was one of the strong points in our relationship..We had a way about us, when it came to talking. We both liked the idea of teaching each other something each day..I'm sure she comes home and tells the new guy about her day, and how her boss is over bearing, but he has nothing on me there, for I've had to listen to the last 10 bosses, to which I know there names, and moods..The new guy will never listen to her with the committed attention and enthusiasm,I did, ..This is something that only long periods of time and love can replace. This is something he will never have from her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazthecat Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 I also have 4 cats..Which are(ready for this)..in a custody status..Me and the ex, swap 2 of them at a time on a bi-weekly basis..this is the only bendingof NC that I have..Neither one of us will give them up. So we meet at an even distanced resturant and swap 2 at a time..Madness huh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
segor56 Posted April 19, 2008 Author Share Posted April 19, 2008 I also have 4 cats..Which are(ready for this)..in a custody status..Me and the ex, swap 2 of them at a time on a bi-weekly basis..this is the only bendingof NC that I have..Neither one of us will give them up. So we meet at an even distanced resturant and swap 2 at a time..Madness huh? WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA TTTTTTTTTTT? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazthecat Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Yeah, welcome to my nightmare.. ](*,) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
segor56 Posted April 19, 2008 Author Share Posted April 19, 2008 Taz- how long are you going to keep this up for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazthecat Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Good question..No real answer...Lets see,ummm,ok, until either the new guy or whatever newer guy she is with forbides it, she dies in a car crash or until the cats die.. The cat custody is actually binding. We had to get a real contract made out and have it notorized. I guess some people go through this with kids. Me with my cats. Luckily for me the new gf not only understands this..But accepts this. Score one for the good guys(me). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Litgirl01 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Wow Taz...I didn't know there was such a thing! Do you have a cat named taz?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazthecat Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Well anything can be binding if both parties are unwilling to settle..Hell you could have a binding contract for a pet rock!! Taz, was my 1st cat, who died in 2001. I had him for 13 years. He died in the Domincan republic, where I taught english, of kidney disease. I had to place his body in my fridge, until I got tickets to fly back to the U.S., in which I had to take him in a cooler filled with dry ice, and just like in the movies, I had to pay off customs(DR's) to get him home, to be buried in American soil..I was halfway to madness over this, which is why I use his name on this forum, because he brought out courage, inner strength, integrity and faith in myself, like no other bad event in my life. He was the main support system to many things that went to hell in my life, and he stood by me, while everyone in my life deserted me. So when I make a post, and if I can make one person feel good on here, I know that I've done him justice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.