boywonder23 Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 please i know its long but please i'm begging all of u to help me out ok this is sort of a long story but here goes nothing please read it and give me advice..i'm begging..i need someone to hear me out i was bestfriends with this girl for a year....i was there while she had 2 different boyfriends i always comforted her when they did something stupid however i never told her to leave them for me or anything like that. during her 2nd boyfriend me and her got really close...he was treating her like crap cheated on her a lot...i was always there to tell her everything would be fine...she broke up with him october of 2006, we started dating october 23rd 2006....she didn't want to tell anyone that we were dating because she didn't want to make it seem like she hops from guy to guy with me that was totally understandable however i was always hardheaded and always wanted people to know about us i couldn't kiss her in school or do anything of that sort..but we managed because we loved each other.. in december we received news that she was moving to arizona and she was leaving before christmas to live there for good.. we already knew we had a strong relationship we loved each other..everything was good..so this was horrible news.. i was heartbroken because she had moved but we were so into each other that we decided to make it a long distance relationship...from january-may everything was perfect...she showed me she loved me over the phone in ways i thought weren't possible...she would tell everyone in her new school i'm going to marry this guy and show them a ring i bought her everyone knew about me when we were on the phone while she was in school everyone would grab the phone like omg is that chris is that who you always talk about and they would grab the phone and say omg i've heard so much about you she showed me she loved me soo much...and heres the downfall.. during may i made a lot of new friends..i was still in NY i became more known with more people my friends introduced me to more and more friends.. i thought i was ontop of the world...i thought everything was perfect.... there was this girl that i knew since HS and me and her started talking a lot.. we started to like each other.....i thought my girlfriend loved me so much that she would never leave me...so i thought my life was perfect..i told her that i sort of liked the girl from school and i told her we needed a break that i was gonna be with this girl but not for long just to get me over her... she was heartbroken i broke her heart..... this was MY mistake....i left this beautiful wonderfull perfect girl for some street cat, who i didn't even feel anything for i just thought i was the * * * * .... i treated my girlfriend so bad... this all happened in may a month before she was suppose to come in june to visit me for the summer and she told me i don't care if u left me for her i'm still going to kiss you and everything because i love you and i know you're going to come back to me so now i'm super happy because i think i'm gonna be with 2 girls at the same time i was soo stupid i know everyones reading this like * * * ... let me keep going.. she got here in june.... i had already broken up with the other girl NOT by choice she had broken up with me.. so my REAL love came back to NY to visit... during this time... we were always with my friends she would always tell me i want to be with you alone after sex she would always want to sleep for a while and i would always just say no no someone might come she always wanted me to comfort her but i was too cool to because i was with my friends we went to rock a way beach she got her period at the beach i comforted her for 5 mins then i got back to my friends.. everyone knew i loved her everyone knows i still do some people know i was just trying to be mr cool she left again in july...we both cried i told her not to cry i would go visit her in august... she was delighted...she couldn't believe it when she got there she told everyone how i was going to visit in august.. august came and i didn't go...i kept spending my money, she was sad i kept flirting with other girls and she would always tell me why are u flirting why are u flirting u were suppose to come my bday was august 23rd i got drunk and tried to kiss another girl.... in my mind it was like this girl loves me too much and she won't leave me.. no matter what i do and although i always did stupid things NOTE: i also changed my style and let my hair grow... i used to be a normal NY kids and during the months i let my hair grow out and looked like a rock/punk kid..=/ anyways.. she was the one i really loved. and i was such a fool here comes september... things stop she starts to try to flirt with other guys but is only doing it to make me jealous i don't get jealous at all i actually ignore it she gets sad because her plan doesn't work.... she was doing it to get me backk october comes... i only call her at night because we always slept together on the phone weird but it's love.... our anniversary is october 23rd we made a year... then her phone calls slowly stop... i hardly pay mind to it... the month finishes here comes november........ she stops calling me almost completlely she tells me i'm different and i tell her but she always has taken me this way and i tell her why is she acting different i start crying like a baby asking her what's going on she says nothing i hurt her soo much december was the worst month of my life.. we fight so much i ask her what's wrong why is she actually fighting back now and i ask her why is she acting weird.. she tells me we need a break i FLIP out..start bursting into tears start begging her to stay she starts crying and tells me no no no no i need this i'll come back just give me this i gave you your time now give me mines and i say omg omg is there another guy and she says no it's just for me i'll be back soon i promise.... i let her go i am literally depressed the whole month.. idk what's going on and why she wants this break.. i beg her to come back to be for the new year she agrees...probably only because she saw me suffering during this time we never slept together like we used too on the phone hardly ever talked and she had cut her old cell phone off... she got a new one during christmas time... january was good...everything seemed perfect again although i found her attitude a little more blunt she was way more straightforward about things in feburary she started acting weird again... and i asked her is everything ok? kept asking her are u sure there isn't another guy please please tell me the truth and one night she said ii can't take this anymore u attack me soo much there isn't another guy!! i think we might neeed another break and i say no no please not again please please beg her again and she says ok although i knew she really wanted it in march same thing is there another guy is there another guy? no no no no always the same answer i sang a song for her that she dedicated to me when she was inlove with me like when she 1st moved over there.... i thought she would cry after hearing me sing it she just said "baby i loved it" and switched the subject really fast... i asked her again are u sure there isn't another guy just tell me the truth don't leave me hurting liek this and she says.. no....... march 30th 2008.. she calls me and says babe i'm gonna go take a shower.. i say ok i love u ttyl...hang up.. i forget to tell her i might be going out i call her cell phone back... she doesn't pick up i call her house phone her father picks up.. i say can i talk to pie... he says..ok let me tell you something "you know pie has a new boyfriend man?" i start crying omg are u serious this can't be happening hes just mocking me "yea i'm serious bro" "so you better figure out what to do and leave her alone" i ask him for how long man? i didn't know about this.. he calls his wife "paola didn't tell chris she had a new boyfriend?" she says "idk what did you say" i'm bursting into tears in my room i say can i please talk to her he hands her the phoen i'm like baby omg is this true have you been keeping this from me for 5 months? she told me no my dad is just saying that because he doesn't want me to move back to NY then i say omg baby just tell me the truth.. and she tells me..... theres a guy that likes me he was acting real nice to me when u were treating me like * * * * .. and i say did u go out with him she says no he always called me his girl but i never looked at it like that she tells me she only kissed him 5 times.. i don't believe it...i know she did more... i cry and cry and tell her please don't leave me do u want to be with him? she says idk cos she doesn't want me to leave her. i ask her why didn't you tell me??? and she says i didn't know how to stop it she tells me he met her parents she went to his house for easter to eat with his parents.. and her parents met his.. she tells me she doesn't love me she loves me and she didn't want to tell me because she thought i would leave and she didn't want to hurt me like i hurt her... she begs me not to leave and i say i'm never gonna leave... she doesn't know what to do i tell her to tell him to stop everything please she tells me shes going to talk to him she talks to him in school and tells me what she told him i believe her that she told him... things get slightly better but as u can proabably guess i was still scared and paranoid thinking that she really didn't tell him anything i let my paranoia get the best of me i accuse her of still messing with him i always bring it up what did u do are u sure u only kissed? she says please stop accusing me i love u i made a mistake u made mistakes too please i'm not going to do it again we all learn from our mistakes please just believe me.. and for a week everything is ok.. then april 15th i go to her voicemail and i hear a voicemail that says "hey babe sorry i didn't call you my sister was using the phone, i love you" i call her job crying again and i say baby i thought u stopped and she says i did stop what are u talking about i tell her check ur voicemail and she does... then she comes back and says omg idk why he said that u want to call him right now? so we 3 way call him and she says chris is on the line right now chris talk to him and i say why are u calling her saying that and he says idk i just wanted to talk i dated her for a while and i loved her and i said * * * u dated her for a while and she tells him omg stop lying and he gets quiet.. now i'm thinking to myself maybe she called him and told him oh chris found out this and that.. just don't say anything dumb so yea tells him didn't i tell u i loved chris and that me and u had to stop everything and he says "yea" he just agrees with everything she says... so she says ok bye and then she tells me see i proved it to you and i said how is that proving me wrong.. he was just agreeing with you.. why would he call u baby and say i love u and she said because he told me he was gonna call me today i woudl've told u about the voicemail if i woudl've heard it 1st and i said ur lying no u wouldn't and she says omg just believe me and i say how can i trust u when u kept something from me for 5 months and she says just do it ur the love of my life i'm moving in with you after i finish school i'm going over there in june i promise to everything nothing is going to happen i'm not doing anything i learned from my mistakes just trust me.. so i had one more idea... when she gets home i tell her ok this is what ur gonna do ur gonna 3 way call him without him knowing i'm on the line and she says..."ok" she says it scared.. so she calls him and she says hello and he says yea.. and i said why did u call me earlier and he says "to talk" and she says about anything in particular? and he says "no just to talk" and then she says look i know me and u did stuff in the past... but i'm sorry i lead u on and i know i already told u we can't do anything anymore but i really mean it now we can't do anything at all don't look at me as someone u like look at me as a friend and he says ok then he says ok i gotta go now and she says wait where are u... and she says nvm ok she hangs up i'm still not sure because i heard her sad as she was saying those things she tells me again see i proved it again i love u do u believe me now and i say ok my love..please just promise u won't do nothing again.. the next day her mom says i gotta talk to u she keeps me on the line so i can hear..she says why did u call cisco yestyerday and told him that so basically this kid called my girlfriends mom and told her everything that had happened... it's basically like going to her mom like "hey man make her like me and not him" which i think is bull * * * * .. so her moms on his side..just feeding her stupid * * * * .. if u stay with him ur life is gonna be hell.. ur life is gonna be hell she doesn't even know me and shes hammering me with stupid tags. hes making ur life hell hes not your boyfriend.. hes taking control of you and after the convo she says omg my moms so right u do take control too much and i say omg are u serious just tell me the truth if u like this kid go with him and she says no omg i love u i wanna be with you i want to be with you. so i say fine i agree to being "less controling" and "to call her less" and if she tells me shes doing something to not call her and attack her and i say fine.. so this morning i call her like i regulary do now she wants to hang up for everything when she would normally keep me on the line "i'll call u back i gotta put my shirt on" i'll call u back i gotta do my bed. i'll call u back i gotta gel my head she tells me she loves me and that she'll never hurt me ever ever again and she promised that she will be back in NY in june. and that she learned from her mistakes i'm trying to stay as happy as i can.. but why is she trying to get so much space now? do you guys think shes still messing with this kid does she really love me someone please help me out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 You treated her terribly. You were in no way "in love". Sorry to break it to you but she has to do what's right for HER. and you aren't it. Let her go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boywonder23 Posted April 16, 2008 Author Share Posted April 16, 2008 i really love her though i'm in love with her please just understand i made mistakes but i changed for her i just need her to believe me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 If you "loved" her, why did you continue to hurt her the entire time you two were together? Sounds like you fancied her but you weren't in love with her. After all that you've done, do you really think you can make her happy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boywonder23 Posted April 16, 2008 Author Share Posted April 16, 2008 yes i know i can.. but the thing was atleast i was honest with everything i did i loved her so much just try to understand this girl means the world for me... the differenece was i didn't keep anything from her she did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 your really kidding yourself if you think that you can make her happy. Let her go and work on yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boywonder23 Posted April 16, 2008 Author Share Posted April 16, 2008 why do you think that i can't make her happy anymore? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 just look at your history. Old habits die hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aviatormy Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 Man, you are an emotioinal wreck. You try to find happiness with popularity You are only affectionate with her "behind closed doors" you put your friends first you like dating multiple partners You thrive on the fact that "she will not leave you no matter what" you cry histerically when she threatens to leave you you make her PROVE her love to you You don't trust her You constantly bring up the past you break promises to her you dont' give her SPACE.... You seriously need to work on yourself before you drive this girl insane. You should move on and take this as a harsh lesson. You seriously need to find your self happiness. You can no longer live your life through her AT YOUR CONVENIENCE.... Sorry but this is the truth. I am surprised that she has stuck it out this far with you. Do her a favor and end the relationship and tell her that you need to work on yourself before you can be a real MAN to anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boywonder23 Posted April 16, 2008 Author Share Posted April 16, 2008 damn =( so does that mean shes going to keep cheating on me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 damn =( so does that mean shes going to keep cheating on me? I was talking more about what you were doing wrong... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aviatormy Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 damn =( so does that mean shes going to keep cheating on me? Yes... you have not given her a reason to be faithful to you. I am not saying that her "cheating" is right. She probably just fears that if she were to leave you, she would never hear the end of it. She doesn't have the heart to break up with you but I am sure that she wants to. let her go before you spend another 2 1/2 years of your life holding onto something that will definitely slip away due to your inevitble actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boywonder23 Posted April 16, 2008 Author Share Posted April 16, 2008 so i shouldn't even try to fix this anymore? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 you should try to fix what you are doing wrong. So you don't do it again in later relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aviatormy Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 so i shouldn't even try to fix this anymore? I wouldn't... its IMPOSSIBLE. Fix yourself, thats the easy part. Go to your local bookstore and read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover Also go online and read this forum for quick advice link removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boywonder23 Posted April 16, 2008 Author Share Posted April 16, 2008 thanks guys you guys really helped i have one more thing though i tried to break up with her already and i told her it would make her happy but she started crying and begged me not to do it so what do i do then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 break up with her. It will hurt both you and her, but it is for the better, Tell her that she deserves better. Looking back you realize how much that you have done wrong, and how much you need to work on yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aviatormy Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 break up with her. It will hurt both you and her, but it is for the better, Tell her that she deserves better. Looking back you realize how much that you have done wrong, and how much you need to work on yourself. bingo Could not have worded it better. Good luck and thank you for the honesty on your post. By not "sugar coating" your end... it shows maturity on your part and that you are in fact ready to work on yourself. Good luck with the break up. Stick to your improvement phase and you will make another woman VERY happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jengh Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 With the distance and your past history, my advice would be to move on. Neither of you are ready to be in a serious long-distance relationship. You have both proved that. How old are you two? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boywonder23 Posted April 16, 2008 Author Share Posted April 16, 2008 we're both 18 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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