An amazing 18 yo woman

[ManAbout]

I'm not gonna lie... What you said here makes a lot of sense. I will explore this possibility a bit further. There has been women closer to my age that have been interested, but I think I may have shy'd away from those prospects thinking "I don't want to go through that again"

 

I dont think it has anything to do with "women closer to your age". It has to do with her being a fantasy right now. You have not met her, so in essense it is still a fantasy relaitonship. You definitely are coming accross as emotionally immature.

 

The problem is not that she is 18 yrs old. The problem is that you are INVESTING TOO MUCH emotionally in this one relationhip. You are already seeing visions of walking down the aisle. She is 18, she can change as a person. Maybe it can work, but I think you need to keep your options open. See if you can take it up to the next level with her. But, at the same time get out there and date other women. And they dont necessarily have to be women closer to your age. Love works in strange ways. You never know who you might hit it off with.

[jraf]

I've just met the most amazing girl. I'm very scared to continue the relationship. We haven't met in person, but every time we talk we seem to grow closer and more in love.

 

 

 

I'm having a hard time believing that it is real.

It isn't real. You've not even met. So far it's only in your head.

 

 

It's a love that is so deep and profound. I've never felt love so clear in my life and I have just turned 40. I've only been in

long lasting relationships in which I thought I've felt love. (never married, no children)

Only in your head so far.

 

 

But now I see what real love is, and those relationships cant possibly compare.

You're not in a position to compare them. You haven't met.

 

 

The problem is, this girl shares a birthday with me and when I turned 40, she turned 18.

 

This could work, but only if:

An actual meeting doesn't disappoint the hell out of one of you, and

Everthing you have told each other has been true, and

You are an extremely immature 40 year old, or

She is an overly mature 18 year old.

 

I don't live under a rock, I have met many people in my life and have been in a number of long lasting relationships. The problem with making such a comparison is this... society and media have ruined many possible great relationships for me. Drinking has been the number one culprit (not me, I don't drink) Something out there is telling these women it's ok to cheat, it's ok to get plastered, it's ok to do this and that... Well, it's not ok, not in my book. Perhaps I'm a little too old fashioned, but I believe in good morals. The woman I am speaking of believes in these fine morals as well, and hasnt been poisoned by the subtle society.

 

So we can cross out you're being immature, but you do have a very specific outlook on life.

 

Exactly where is this girl?

Do either of you belong to any religious organization that the media have described as a cult?

[ManAbout]

Do either of you belong to any religious organization that the media have described as a cult?

 

Are you trying to help? Why would you think he is part of a cult? What a moralistic, judgemental comment.

 

You lose all credibility with a comment like that.

[jraf]

Are you trying to help? Why would you think he is part of a cult? What a moralistic, judgemental comment.

 

You lose all credibility with a comment like that.

 

In case you haven't read his post's he has a very specific opinion about society and women.

 

Give your head a shake. All you know is that she is 18. 18 year olds and 40 year olds don't, typically have much in common. Other than some vaguely described attraction which he describes as true, deep, profound love for an 18 year old he's never actually met, there isn't much information about why a potential relationship makes sense from any perspective let alone one with that age gap and at their respective ages.

 

A previous poster mentioned something about depriving her of a normal 18 year olds desire to let loose and have a good time like most 18 year olds do. In reality, if that's what she wants to do, he won't be able to deprive her; she will do so unless he physically restrains her. It's clear that cutting loose and having a good time isn't likely to sit well with him.

 

What makes him think they have any shared values at all?

I don't THINK he is from a cult. I did ask a question?

[Skipp]

OK, many of you have posted some helpful comments and I appreciate you taking the time.

I am however abandoning this thread as I have more to learn about this girl. She has more to learn about me as well. We have arranged to meet each other and hang out for the summer. Not her alone, but her cousins too. Her cousins are older than her and very protective of her (which is a good thing) I've known one of her cousins for about 2 years, and he is very supportive of the relationship.

I may be back to post the outcome of the summer.

 

Just to answer a few questions or comments some of you have posted, I'd like to say:

1. Yes I am immature for my age. And she is very mature for age.

2. No, we do not belong to any cult. We are both believers in God. I don't subscribe to any one religion because I believe that many of them can be helpful for different people at different levels of spiritual growth.

3. Of course she's going to grow over the years and maybe want to try different things, or perhaps even experiment with different things. I can't stand in the way of that. Nobody stood in my way, it would be wrong to stand in hers.

4 Perhaps her taste may change and she might grow tired of me and move on. I sadly realize that this is a possibility and I am willing to face it if it comes, but for now, I believe I can be very happy with her in my life.

[Daddy Bear]

In a world so ignorant and bigoted regarding age-gap relationships, you have my sympathy. If you mean to venerate and cherish the young lady and allow her to flourish in a way that befits her own spirit, you have also my respect.

[itsallgrand]

Skipp,

 

Updates are always appreciated.

 

Please be careful.

 

Have you given any further thought to that other issue you brought up regarding where you are at in general and being hurt in the past etc?

 

My honest opinion is there is not just one, but two people, who could get hurt worse than they are anticipating in this situation.

[stranger4ever]

dont lesten to any of those who reject you. you love her she loves you. she is 18+.

 

just go thru it and do your best.if it worked, them you are a lucky man.. wow.. 18yo girl!!!

[PushingDaisies]

I'm of the opinion that you should follow your heart if it feels this strongly.

 

But there are a few issues here. You say you have never met her. So how do you know each other? Communicating over IM? Or texts? Whatever it is, people can be very different online compared to face to face. I know I can be.

 

As an eighteen year old girl; in my opinion, dating a 40 year old would be out of the question, regardless of how I felt, because of the logistics of the situation; the pressure from my family and friends would be too much, and the knowledge that he was so much older than me and would retire before me, potentially die before me (sorry to be so blunt) would be too much. I would rather move on and find somebody I could share my whole life with and who would be at the same stage in their life as me; partying, drinking, college etc.

 

Furthermore, as much as I protest against it, I know I am only a child. I simply dont have the life experience behind me, I am learning all the time. And so will she be. What might be right for her now, eg you, may not be right for her in the future.

 

Another point; I really thought I had found my soulmate when I met my ex. We got on well together, he respected me, I loved him and him me. But in the end, I was just too immature for him, inexperienced, clingy, and the stress became too much and he finished with me. I am mature for my age. But not mature enough for him. And he was only 5 years older than me!

 

Not only this, but I now have my doubts about whether we would have made it through my going to uni together, because in 4 years I would have changed so much, and met so many new people. So your girl has a lot of changing and growing to do yet. She may change from the girl you love at the moment.

 

So if you really want to go through with this, if your heart is telling you its right, then do. But be prepared; you may be setting yourself up for heartbreak. Or you may end up hurting her feelings.

[ManAbout]

Every one of those points would be the same even if the guy was much closer to her in age. The problem is not that she is too young for him. But, the problem he may have is just that she is too young over all. You are right, 18 year olds change. They grow, they change their minds. They want different things..etc.. but that has nothing to do with his age. She would face the same issues if she was dating a 20 year old. What is to say that if she was dating a younger guy, they would grow to want the same things together?

 

Anyway, I think you are over thinking this way too much.. retirement? sharing your whole life? Wow.. that is a long way to think ahead. Why put so much pressure on a relationship? How many relationships even last that long? Even ones closer in age barely have a 50/50 chance of success. And if this relationship even gets to that point, it has beaten the odds and done better than most. At that point it is a successful relationship, which is more than can be said for most relationships these days.