michelle123 Posted April 11, 2008 Author Share Posted April 11, 2008 Oh okay. So hypothetically if he texts me whats up? "I cant really text right now i am real busy but u can call me if u want later on"... something like that? i dont want to say anymore i cant text because once in awhile i dont mind. i actually like texting because i feel awkward talking to him on the phone cuz of the hated awkward silence lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle123 Posted April 11, 2008 Author Share Posted April 11, 2008 I feel like in the beginning i had some control of the situation but now the tables have turned since he doesnt text me as much u know? i want him to be the one wondering... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maya_A Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 I feel like in the beginning i had some control of the situation but now the tables have turned since he doesnt text me as much u know? i want him to be the one wondering... Michelle - just MHO but less "game maneuvering' in all of this. As Batya said - just ask him to call instead of text. Yes, it can be a bit nerve wrecking at first in talking with someone new (the silences as you say) but this is part of the growth process & a way we get to know someone better, as you say you would like to develop a friendship. That sort of nervous phase most of us experience at the outset will pass. And if he keeps being inconsistent, like "hot-cold" with communication then I'd call it a day & forget about the whole thing.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 And if he keeps being inconsistent, like "hot-cold" with communication then I'd call it a day & forget about the whole thing.... yeah, at the end of the day, it comes down to that. dating is about getting to know one another. and if he is always unreliable, and makes you feel on edge, that's not really a good quality in a boyfriend, is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 It depends on your priorities. If you want him to treat you like a special lady he wants to ask out on a proper date, then you need to establish boundaries so he stops getting the impression you're available to chat whenever he is bored. As far as talking on the phone - a ten minute conversation at most and then you say you have to go -- and if he wants to hear more of you he will have to step up to the plate and make a plan. If you want to make sure you have contact with him no matter what - then keep up the mindless chatting - but understand that it won't be very effective as far as establishing a potential relationship. If you want you can tell him that you don't have as much time to text as you did instead of stopping the texting. It sounds like you're not willing to do what it takes to practice your skills at boundaries, self-respect, etc. It takes work and practice if it doesn't come naturally but if you fake it till you make it after awhile it is natural. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boo121 Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 Playing hard to get works short term, but i wouldnt recommend it for any long period of time. Cos if hes like me, he'll get bored and find some1 else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle123 Posted April 12, 2008 Author Share Posted April 12, 2008 batya I have pretty respectable high priorities I just thought I'd text for the first week of having eachother number then id do or say something about calling but i dont want to say it the wrong way... Im not exactly sure on how to ssy it or what to say bc i want him to respect me as a friend first. We havent spoke and i refuse to ever text him again and when or if he texts me im not responding till the next day with how busy i am and then telling him if he wants to talk to call. Not sure on what to exactly say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle123 Posted April 12, 2008 Author Share Posted April 12, 2008 so if I go through with what I just said and he does do what I say n calls whats that mean? And if he doesn't? Does that mean something as well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maya_A Posted April 13, 2008 Share Posted April 13, 2008 If he does, respecting your wishes is at least a good start. Of course from there you would have to see what happens within the phone conversation & getting to know him in that way more... If he doesn't call & keeps "texting" after you said you preferred not to, it speaks for itself... As we say in Canadian, Quebecois French... Suivant-next! Just take the last part of that... I hope it goes well for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle123 Posted April 13, 2008 Author Share Posted April 13, 2008 well he hasn't even texted in a few days but I'll keep u updated if he does we will see! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle123 Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 ***UPDATE**** Okay so me and him stopped texting for about 5 days. Then 2 days ago he texted me again! I did what you all said and i didnt text him till a day later! I am selling Arbonne makeup on the side and he texted me about it.. he then texts me "were in a fight" i wrote Fight? he writes yes i said why? he writes "CUZ lol" ughhhh then i did what yall said again i wrote "whats with the texting if you want to talk just call" he wrote "cuz i like to text lol did u get your money"(cuz my job owes me money) i wrote "why would u care about my money if we were in a fight? my money is to much to text right now" he writes "geez your cranky" i wrote LOL i am driving its hard to text but you dont want to call me and its hard to type all this on my phone do u want me to crash? he writes "text me lata im driving to" he then texts me AGAIN ! whats up i dont write until the next day "why are we in a fight huh?" he writes "CUZ" i dont know what to do i enjoy talking to him but i want him to be like u know what i really am going to call this girl idk if i should just keep ignoring till he calls or just keep playin around on text ( i dont mind texting as of now but eventually it probably will bother me\ what should i do ? or say to make him be liike whooaaa (ever read why men loves * * * * * es?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 It doesn't sound like a conversation at all. it sounds like two people texting at each other in phrases that make little sense. So, I don't think what you're doing is a productive way to get to know him, much less motivate him to ask you out on a date. I would at this point be more direct "I don't enjoy texting with you because it's not a comfortable way for me to get to know you and I don't just want a chat buddy. call me if you'd like to talk and plan a get together." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 No disrespect to you intended but he sounds like a real idiot. There is no way on earth i would be humoring these inane texts of his. If he thought you were in a fight that is definitely a time to pick up a phone and talk it thru. I don't even like takling on the phone but there is no way if i liked a person that i would be texting incoherent B.S. back and forth like that in netspeak to boot. He isn't worth your time, sorry to say. He sounds like a moron. You should do as batya suggests and compose a very clear message that reads something to the effect of "this type of communication is frustrating and unclear. If you would like to give me a call and go out soon that would be fine, otherwise I am discontinuing the texting". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 hi - agreed - sounds like a moron. actually, if he asked me, 'are we in a fight?' i'd just be like, 'huh? i've just been crazy busy with work, friends, etc....' and then let him ask you out (if he was going to). ie, no point in continuing to text back and forth.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle123 Posted April 18, 2008 Author Share Posted April 18, 2008 I agree with you all thanks for the advice! I mean I'm not even really interested in more than friends I hardly know him plus I promised myself with the next guy I'd be friends first b4 anything. My friends think he's a moron to but they say maybe he just likes to text feels shy on the phone.. He texted me again after I wrote that last message and was interested in something I'm selling but explained they're to expensive. So what was the point of texting in the first place ? Just an excuse to talk to me? So he wrote why dont you come over and tell me about the product I jokingly wrote " why when I could just text u about it? since u love texting so much i wouldn't want to take that away from u Idk if hes used to girls being like " sure!! I'll come over!" but noooo not me ; ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle123 Posted April 18, 2008 Author Share Posted April 18, 2008 haha I'd just thought id add a few posts under mine someone wrote a post very similar to mine! " why do men text instead of call?" haha I'm gonna read it now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Asking you to come over is surely not a proper date invite. It is a lazy man's way of wanting to hang out with a girl. No effort from him at all..he probably texts and suggests that and probably has a few girls who comply. I'd really delete him from my phone contacts. I dont think he is shy i think he is lazy. And not sincerely interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 If you want to be friends first, fine, but what you're doing has nothing to do with being friends - you're texting at each other and randomly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle123 Posted April 19, 2008 Author Share Posted April 19, 2008 Batya what dp u mean? You think by us texting we r interested in eachother or he is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Batya what dp u mean? You think by us texting we r interested in eachother or he is? No I think it has nothing to do with interest in each other as a person - that was my point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle123 Posted April 19, 2008 Author Share Posted April 19, 2008 Oh well I would have to disagree. I dont think there is a love interest but i do think hes interested to talk even if its jyst texting. I mean when i first met him he offered me dinner and we spoke for many hours. Why talk if you dont want to? I do agree with u though in your other aspects. Thanks for your advice tho the more i ignore his texts the more he writes! Ugh lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 I meant that I don't think his texts reflect any interest in you as a person - he could be texting to any random person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle123 Posted April 19, 2008 Author Share Posted April 19, 2008 I know what you meant and I already responded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Oh, ok from your post where you said you disagreed, I thought you disagreed. good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle123 Posted April 19, 2008 Author Share Posted April 19, 2008 yes I do disagree. But it doesn't mean I dont know what your talking about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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