i found the perfect guy but im paranoid

[lady00]

You sound very frustrated...I think people here are genuinely trying to help you by pointing out that above all you cannot judge yet where this relationship is going to go. That takes more time. No one's suggested you should be single for life or any of the other things you mentioned here...people just want you to be careful and not prematurely characterize someone you just started seeing as "perfect" and to consider whether or not his behaviors comport with how you want to be treated by a partner.

[Batya33]

It's a decent strategy to avoid nuanced advice by taking it to extremes but in the end it doesn't help with the self-denial path you seem to be on. As for myself, and Lady and RK I think all we are advocating is giving it time before leaping to conclusions that he is perfect and treats you like a princess, pointing out that you don't know him, and pointing out inconsistencies in your posts to show you that you are trying a bit too desperately perhaps to paint a picture of this guy as perfect and his treatment as perfect and trying to sweep under the rug issues you yourself posted about just yesterday.

 

Where in "whoah - be a little cautious here, you don't know him well" do you read "don't date anyone, everyone is bad, stay single." Most certainly not from me and I don't read RK or Lady's posts or anyone else's to be saying that. But you are saying that. Why?

 

Where is it ripping you apart to question why one day you complain that he is flaking on plans, going out with the boys too much, and the next day he is perfect, never cancels plans, and treats you like a princess? Wouldn't you go "huh?" if your best friend said that to you? How would you feel if you said "huh" and she said "you are ripping me apart."

 

You can find people who will yes you and tell you "yes, he sounds awesome, way to go, it will all work out, happily ever after" If that's what you consider to be support then we can just agree to disagree on what you mean by support and why you asked for input in the first place if you just wanted to hear how independent you sound, what a princess, what a prince, on the wings of love, type stuff.

[Zeitgeist]

If I may, I'd like to offer up an opinion here as well, since it seems like most of the posts are from women. I think I may be able to be a bit more concise here. And hopefully without making you think you are being attacked. You do seem to be on the defensive here.

 

First of all, let's start with this: from what you've described, it does sound like you may have found a really good guy. I don't think anyone here is saying that he is not, or that you should dump him. I think that people are merely saying that it's impossible for any of us to come to any conclusion about him - that is what you are asking of us. What most people here are trying to say is that the impossibility of making a conclusion includes you. It seems that you want him to be this perfect person and you are finding many many things about him that fit your idea of a perfect person. But there is no such thing. So when the blinders come off, and there are aspects about him that aren't perfect and you finally recognize them, you may end up overreacting because your expectations aren't set to the appropriate levels. Your overanxiety and need to put him into a category as being perfect, or being the guy you need to dump early before you fall for him completely, is a mistake. It seems you cannot deal very well with living in a gray zone. But that is exactly what a successful relationship requires - living in a gray zone. In this gray zone, there are stormy waters, and you must find a way ride the waves. Wishing for a safe harbor does not get you there. It only distracts you from the need to focus on navigating and you will capsize as a result. Worry about the destination later. For now, just navigate. If it gets difficult, ask about how to navigate, not whether you will arrive safely at the harbor.