Mishmash Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I'm so happy for you!! Drinks are on me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Bendix Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 M.E., I glad that you finally close this chapter from your life's story. If I was asking why's; Why does it have to be this hard? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KG Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Hey M.E.,....That's great! Congrats....now the triatholon must look like a walk/swim/bike in the park, compared to this!!!! Treat yourself to something nice today, OK? KG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benga Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 He signed the settlement agreement this morning, and it is being filed with the court this afternoon .... YEEEEHAAAAA I spent so much time preparing myself for the next round of drama and battles, I am numb, it's as if I wouldn't allow myself to celebrate. Details later!!! Yipeeeeeeeee!!!!! You must celebrate M E... 10 drinks on me too!! You have the entire weekend to nurse the hang over.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just M.E. Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 Benga, No celebration has to wait ... I am doing a Triathlon on Sunday, so I can't get wild and crazy, but I think I'll drive up to Winter Park and see Johnny Winter on Saturday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 M.E. I am so happy for you I can't tell you in words. whew! good luck this weekend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just M.E. Posted July 1, 2008 Author Share Posted July 1, 2008 It's taken awhile to get through the flurry of activity of this being completed. How something so simple can be made into a complicated mess is beyond me, but it is symptomatic of the marriage. My greatest reward is a return to a sane, simple, nondramatic life. I finally feel as if I can take a deep breath and relax. On the day before the signing of the Agreement, I had a mid morning appointment with my lawyer to go over how we would try find a way to move this forward. Late the previous afternoon, my ex had sent a demanding email threatening that this must be completed within 24 hrs or else. The else was immaterial as it was not possible to be done, he threatened to send our hand written preliminary agreement to the court. In that we both agreed to arbitration if there was conflict. It was a surprise to get his email because every proposal to him had taken weeks in turnaround and refusal on his part. At that time, I was guessing either he was a.) broke or b.) the new girlfriend wanted to get married? Either way, I knew I had him by the "short hairs" and that I could finally get forward movement. One of my requirements was that I be removed from liability on a credit card which he had and I was a co-applicant. I had closed that card but he had gone to a pal at the bank who had the clout and reopened the card. They then refused to remove my name or close the card. I had posted on this before. It became a ugly dilemma but I finally got a call from another representative of that bank saying they would close the card if I paid the outstanding balance. I basically told my ex we could do this hard or easy, if I was removed from the card, the agreement could happen that day, if not, it would take weeks to fight through that process. He ranted, screaming in all caps and explanation points (very impressive, I didn't realize he could be so "expressive"). To make the very long and amusing story shorter, he finally agreed, we drew up the agreement to give him his cash settlement from me less the credit card payoff. I expected another round of month long arguments over that but, he signed the following morning and it was electronically filed with the court later that day. Now I await my formal decree but it is done. Interesting side note which makes so happy I am away from this person ... he left for another woman, is supposedly still living with her but for amusement I went to Adult Friend Finders and Friend Finders and found he is still cruising the sites. Gosh, I am glad it is her not I who now has this man-child in her life. I felt pity for his inability to match wits and understand how he had hurt his position through his tantrums and rages, one does pity those who cannot function on an emotionally healthy level. That lasted 3.2 seconds, then I thought, "Nah, he has hurt and destroyed so many around him, he can lie in the bed he made" In the end, I have been told by those wiser than me, that something in this was meant to be part of my life as IT has profoundly changed me and brought out my strengths. In that I can thank my ex and I can thank him for removing his chaos from my life and allowing me to return to a self I always was. I spent a marriage catering to him but like the frog who won't jump out of the pot of cold water brought slowly to a boil, I couldn't see what the slow destructive abuse had done. Now every day is ahead of me, I am proud to move forward and determined. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mek Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Wow ME, You are finally over and done... I wish I can say the same thing, with some peace of mind... I haven't received any fairness in our situation, I am still paying for everything and she has hidden taken and stolen all the money throughout the marriage. I feel kinda hopeless that I will every ever experience any fairness in this divorce. Anyhow I hope that there will be peace for you after the storm. Congrats, Mek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeStrongBeHappy Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Congratulations M.E.! A long and hard road, but you are so much more confident and happy than you were when you first came here. And he still sounds like the same giant big baby, and not nearly as happy or arrogant as he once was either! The interesting thing is that men and their paramours do fairly well when the man is focused on the divorce, but their relationship starts to fall apart once the divorce is done. The woman just thinks that all the guys problems are related to his evil ex-wife (the story he tells of course) and the need to get that ex-wife out of the picture, but as soon as the divorce clears and the wife is out of the picture, the paramour will be chagrined to discover that her own relationship is now just as troubled as before, and usually worse! If the man is a cheater, he won't like having just one woman in his life and will be bored and look for a new one (as you already discovered he is doing). And he will now turn his attention to playing all those games he played with you, except now with HER! Yay! He is finally someone else's problem, not yours! Time to buy yourself a margarita and do the table dance! So there really is a what goes around comes around justice out there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just M.E. Posted July 1, 2008 Author Share Posted July 1, 2008 Mek there is very little fairness in mine either. I am afraid of the final tally, somewhere about $80K with $20K going to the ex and the rest to my lawyer. What is sad is that in Sept I was ready to give him $30K immediately or more, but he couldn't be talked to, every attempt was met with a "No" before we could even finish the offer. I need to send him a picture of a guy shooting himself in the foot. BSBH - That is a very good perspective on the "other" woman, I was the replacement woman, or the landing point as I call it and you are right on in how the dynamics of that worked. I gave him so much leeway so he could adjust after what I thought was a manipulative marriage and divorce (that one took 2 years). I can be happy that this took only a little over 1 year. I so want to send a dozen roses to the new woman very anonymously with a card that reads simply "Thanks for every thing! My life is better because of all you have done" I really believe neither one would even imagine that was from me, we aren't talking rocket scientists here..... I saw her and him together last summer before I could put a face to who she was. He turned away and wouldn't look at me but she did a stare down thing. I think she felt triumphant. I just met her gaze and thought to myself how nice it was that she was doing his laundry. Little does she know about the relief I feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeStrongBeHappy Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Yes... The 'other woman' is really focused on winning the 'prize'! Little does she know that that prize is more like the booby prize or a white elephant gift.... LoL!!! Love is blind, but when it comes to affairs it is also deaf, dumb, and stupid! She'll find out soon enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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