PLEASE give me advice!! NC or no NC

[babysunshine]

So once again.... Im posting baout how I broke NC after 21 days and we have been talking daily. Its been so good talking on the phone, hearing his voice, laughing, catching up. He is coming out to my town in about a month and the plan is we will spend the weekend together hanging out, he wants to take me out to celebrate my birthday since he wont be here for the actual day. (He lives in NY, I live in San Fran). One of the main reasons we broke up is because we fought over the phone constantly. I was nagging and pressuring him to let me move to Ny. He told me he wasnt ready for me to drop my whole life to move out there because his own life isnt stable yet, plus he wants me to finish school. This past week we have been talking I have been in great spirits, when he says he has to get off the phone I happily let him go because I knwo he'll call me back. It feels so good. He's ade it clear he cannot have a relationship right now. I do love him more than anything but my life is so crazy with school, work, and stress that I dont really think I can be in one either. The problem is, when I was doing NC I knew he was FREAKING OUT. All of hiends told me, he even told me when I finally called, that he missed me more than anyhting and was literally sick to his stomach without having me in his life. I dont want to go NC because I truly enjoy talking to him and we were best friends for 4 years. Everyone keeps telling me to just go NC and he will come back if its meant to be. The only thing is, deep down I truly feel I should keep in contact. We are both so much happier with each other in our lives and fact is he doesnt want a reationship right now. I respect that. I know that if our love is truly meant to be, he will want to be in a relationship with me when he is ready whether we remain friends or not. SOmeone help... Am I crazy and blind to the truth??? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[enchiladaman]

You'll hate me for saying this but...

 

You guy's relationship is fantastical. The fact that you both have so much distance between you but neither one of you is ready to commit shows commitment phobia on at least one, if not both sides of the relationship. If he is so distant with so much space between you now...your relationship where you guys see eachother on a daily or weekly basis will be an absolute joke.

 

Leave eachother alone. Go NC and find something more concrete.

 

Sorry for the bad news but this relationship is not meant to be. Its foundation is just too weak for any relationship, let alone a long distance one.

 

 

You two are wasting your time.

[babysunshine]

I don't think so. He is 26, and I am 23. We lived together for two years and only the last two have been Long Distance because I go to school In san Francisco and he is renovating and buying homes in New York and can't leave. We see each other Atleast once a month for a week or so if not more. I appreciate your opinion but its not like we met online and have o concrete base.

[Antimonic]

If you dont mind whether your in a relationship with him or not, just as long as you keep in contact and if a relationship blooms again it would just be an added bonus, and if he's not causing you any harm then whats wrong with keeping in contact? as long as your sure its what YOU want.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I understand why he didn't want you to pick yourself up and move while you were still in school and his life was still unstable. It sounds like he has common sense. If neither of you are ready to resume the relationship, both of you are not interested in meeting others and both of you want to continue contact then I don't see why not. Keep up the friendship and perhaps down the road when both your circumstances have changed, you will both be in a better position to resume the relationship. Having said all that...if the relationship is out of the question for now...then when he comes to visit it should be STRICTLY PLATONIC...no kissing, no passionate hugging, no clinging, no boyfriend/girlfriend type displays of affection, no groping, no oral sex, no intercourse, no sleeping together in the same bed wrapped in each other's arms etc. Lots of people make the big mistake of saying they are friends and then blurring those lines by doing some or all of the what I just mentioned...that ends up in Friends with Benefits territory and leads to confusion. So if you both think you are not ready for a platonic relationship when you see each other, I would suggest you don't see each other, or unless you decide to become a couple again.