Volkslad Posted April 9, 2008 Author Share Posted April 9, 2008 I replied.....I said: We can, to talk about reconciliation, but other than that..I really don't see the point. Thanks everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 Good for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Volkslad Posted April 9, 2008 Author Share Posted April 9, 2008 Good for you Thanks..but it sucks though. Makes everything finally seem so done and over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pacopaco Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 If you want to turn it to your advantage (I.E. this is the getting back together forum) tell her to leave you alone because it is you who needs the time away from her. Don't mention her boyfriend, don't mention drinks, just say that you cannot do what she is asking you to do, and that she needs to respect your wish in leaving you alone. Tell that your friends respect your wishes, and so should she. After you tell her what you've told her, man up and DO NOT CONTACT HER. Leave her alone. If the thing with the other dude falls through, you watch and see how it will turn to your Advantage real quick. if she ends up happily ever after, that's ok, too. she'll have been out of your system, and you can find another girl (or two) to have a drink with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lou31 Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 volkslad i read your previous posts and i would have said definitely option 4, and definitely no lets wait a week before i reply. no time for games, you are hurt and you have feelings for her so it would help no-one to pretend you didnt. it wouldnt make you feel any better, if anything if you had played games orr sent a sarcastic response you would most likely have felt guilty and felt the urge to email her again with something kinder... you didnt ask a question so you are not hanging about waiting on a response (well not as much as something with a question mark would have made you expect a response and you have said it loud and clear. NOTHING HAS CHANGED! the ball is definitely in her court but you have not made her think you are sitting about waiting, just that you feel the same but you wont entertain a chat to go over old ground. she knows how you feel, if she feels the same its up to her to do something about it. It may well be she is still with the othe guy but its not a bed of roses so she is still testing the waters... NOT FAIR TO YOU!! Good luck xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Volkslad Posted April 10, 2008 Author Share Posted April 10, 2008 She's clever..she responded with: I know I miss your friendship right now for sure, but how would I know if I want to reconcile if we never spend any time together? Curses! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theredrocket Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 don't reply. If she follows up tell her you are working on bunch of things, have a lot going etc, and need some "me time" then wish her well. then wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 She's clever..she responded with: I know I miss your friendship right now for sure, but how would I know if I want to reconcile if we never spend any time together? Curses! Great response...she's a keeper! And, I read it as "I want to reconcile, but I don't want to make a mistake again." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 But it could also be read as: "I want the advantage of your friendship and am dangling the carrot of a possible reconciliation to get what I want without any guarantees". Tell her that there are never any certainties in relationships but you are not prepared to gamble with your well-being on this particular uncertainty. Say that your statement stands unaltered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunny1607307342 Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 4 seems like the best way to go because its the most honest and to the point. but then again if you want to be tactful and aloof then id say 1. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunny1607307342 Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 oh oops! sorry i didnt realise i was so behind the situation. hmmm thats a tough one. maybe shes considering reconciliation. maybe you should just meet her for a drink and see how it goes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karvala Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 She's clever..she responded with: I know I miss your friendship right now for sure, but how would I know if I want to reconcile if we never spend any time together? Curses! I would reply with And how would either of us know if we wanted to reconcile unless we actually attempted reconciliation instead of just friendship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
segor56 Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 Volkslad- what's the status?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Volkslad Posted April 11, 2008 Author Share Posted April 11, 2008 Volkslad- what's the status?? I went and saw her at work today (we work in the same office)..and asked what it was she wanted to talk about. In brief, misses my friendship, told her that she had to know that when she started dating someone else she was replacing me as a lover and a friend..we briefly had a "well I didn't know you were into me", "well you should have because.." then decided we didn't need to rehash the past. I told her that I cared about her, was not mad at her, and that I actually felt bad for her because she was letting me slip out of her life, and I'm awesome. We did a big hug up, I whispered in her ear that I miss her, she misses me too, kissed her.. then I left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
segor56 Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 I went and saw her at work today (we work in the same office)..and asked what it was she wanted to talk about. In brief, misses my friendship, told her that she had to know that when she started dating someone else she was replacing me as a lover and a friend..we briefly had a "well I didn't know you were into me", "well you should have because.." then decided we didn't need to rehash the past. I told her that I cared about her, was not mad at her, and that I actually felt bad for her because she was letting me slip out of her life, and I'm awesome. We did a big hug up, I whispered in her ear that I miss her, she misses me too, kissed her.. then I left. awwwwwwww. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 Woot...volksdad gettin some sugar! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Litgirl01 Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 Awwwwwww! Sweet! I wish I could do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Volkslad Posted April 11, 2008 Author Share Posted April 11, 2008 Woot...volksdad gettin some sugar! Actually it sucks. I was doing pretty good. Now I have to decide whether to move on, or pursue. Yeesh. Most of me says, Dude, move the heck on. However, a small, but very persuasive part of me says, She left before because she didn't think you were that into her, if you show her you won't give up, that you ARE into her, you might get your second chance. I can get close to her and spend time with her by being just her friend (for now)...but that would hurt and give rise to maybe real, but likely false hope. What to do..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 Actually it sucks. I was doing pretty good. Now I have to decide whether to move on, or pursue. Yeesh. Most of me says, Dude, move the heck on. However, a small, but very persuasive part of me says, She left before because she didn't think you were that into her, if you show her you won't give up, that you ARE into her, you might get your second chance. I can get close to her and spend time with her by being just her friend (for now)...but that would hurt and give rise to maybe real, but likely false hope. What to do..... It sounds to me like she's very important to you. It sounds to me like she has real feelings for you, too. Life is short...I'd say "Go for it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
segor56 Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 life is short. love hard and have no regrets. (just don't let someone walk on you.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 You just bought into her manipulation and dangling carrots...now she can troddle off to her new boyfriend feeling very comfortable that she has you as backup to run after her in case things don't work out with the new guy. I would strongly suggest you back off now and let her come to you. Her response about how would she know about getting back together if you don't spend time together is total BS manipulation. People go NC and have time to think about what they lost and then go back to their ex. Being in somebody's constant company is not going to suddenly make them change their mind. She is toying with you big time and twisting the guilt and blame on to you. Isn't this the umpteenth time you told her where you stand...so how come she is pretending like she didn't know that you care? You are going to be stuck in friends mode always chasing her and she will lap it up giving you little dangling carrots while going out with this other guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 tell her to drink with her boyfriend This is my vote as well. There is nothing good that will come from you two going out for a drink if she is still with the other guy and has no thoughts of reconciling. I think her telling you how would she know if she wants to reconcile was extremely manipulative and it shows she can date one guy while dancing around with another. That alone would make me not want anywhere near her. She is trying to latch the safety net, i.e. you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemeorleaveme00 Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 She has a boyfriend period.You have to disappear from her right now and just ignore her. There's no sense in hanging around while she is in a relationship.Show her that you have self respect and she should have one too because I don't think its decent to be involved with someone while she's still chasing after you.If and when it doesnt work out between them and youre still available maybe you'll give her a chance.Like you said youre awesome and its her loss! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Volkslad Posted April 11, 2008 Author Share Posted April 11, 2008 She emailed me last night. "So, are we ok to go for a drink sometime now?" I'm not chasing. I responded: I've made it very clear how I feel about you. And you have a boyfriend that isn't me. It isn't fair to him, or to me, for us to be hanging out and going for drinks. You wanted to see where your relationship went, and I respect that. I hope it works out for you and I wish you the best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
george237 Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 Great job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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