Yet another question about dealing with MILs

[daintyfairy83]

I know all I talk about is my MIL-to-be, but she's basically all I can think about these days - how to get around her. So here goes, again

 

How do you deal with an unbelieveable MIL, who's stubborn and illogical, won't listen to anyone, narcissistic, and overbearing- who thinks you are stealing her son away from her?

 

Any advice is GREATLY APPRECIATED!!

 

Thanks so much guys for all your help

[BeStrongBeHappy]

First, you and your husband have to be a united front. The two of you need to talk openly about the problems you are having with his mother, and the best way to handle her. If you and your husband don't agree on how to manage her, then the two of them are basically against you. You have to work it out first with your husband.

 

Then decide on a plan to manage her. She needs to get the point that the two of you are not in competition, but have different roles in her life, and she needs to understand this. But she may not want to so that's where your husband comes in. He has to stand up to her if she is treating you badly and tell her that he loves her as his mother, but he also loves you as his wife and he NEEDS the two of you to get along.

 

Then when she behaves badly you have to not take it personally and just deal with each behavior openly. If she crosses a line, either ignore her, leave the room, tell her how you feel. Limit the time she spends in your house, or that you spend with her to controlled situations. When she behaves well, continue the interaction, and when she behaves badly, cut it short. Think of her like a unruly toddler out of control, and the time outs you give her happen when she's behaving badly. Refuse to fight or let her control you. It takes two to fight, and if you and your husband put on a united front to help her recognize you are not competition and won't tolerate bad behavior, she may come around.

[ghost69]

just always remember you are marrying your husband, not the mother. she will eventually accept you knowing you are going to take care of her son.