MattyG Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 Me too shoefairy. "I just need space and time right now. I don't want anyone .i want to be alone etc" but then raves about what a wonderful person i am to him etc etc and how it's important I'm always in his life....but it hurts so much that it has to be on his terms Lot of dumpers must use that line..my ex told me the same EXACT thing!..and what did she do a month later? Ended up with somone almost double her age! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenhearted87 Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 It sounds like maybe you let him set the rules of the relationship. Well, maybe its time for you to start setting the rules. Just a thought. I was perhaps guilty of being too available,but he didn't abuse this.anyway look where i am now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenhearted87 Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 Lot of dumpers must use that line..my ex told me the same EXACT thing!..and what did she do a month later? Ended up with somone almost double her age! oh god the thought of that actually causes my heart to physically ache. i want to believe him when he says i'll be the one he calls when he is ready to date again but i don't know if i'm being stupid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summerpeach Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 When I dumped my ex to be with another guy, I told him I wanted to be friends and I really needed him in my life, but I was also 20 yrs old and knew nuttin about nuttin I would never expect that now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 I think he's genuine enough to say either way about the friends thing. Only time will tell, if not he can get lost. Having a bad day today and I'm getting angry with him again now!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyG Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 oh god the thought of that actually causes my heart to physically ache. i want to believe him when he says i'll be the one he calls when he is ready to date again but i don't know if i'm being stupid Ya its a really crappy feeling..especially when i called her out on being with him when we wernt together and i could tell she was starting to fall for him. I remember exactly her response when i asked her if she was going to be with him. She replied "well first i would tell him that we could never have a serious relationship because he is 34 (side note..she just turned 19) "then second I would say no because i still want to work things out with you" Later when I asked her about what she said that night she simply replied "I told you what you wanted to hear" ](*,) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 The fact that he is 34 may have something to do with his manipulation towards her. She may not even know or realise what is happening with him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyG Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 I dont have a clue what it is...everything was cool up until about a week ago. Called me all the time. Expressed what I would of called interest to get back together, then out of no where stopped talking for a couple days so i finally got on aim and hello..and asked her what had been up the last couple days. She replied with " Oh well me and Dan are kinda together now and he would be mad if I talked to you anymore lol" So as if the laughing it off didint make me mad enough i just laid my cards on the table and asked her if she love me anymore and all i got was "i dont know i keep asking myself the same question" The ironic thing is that her ex before me beat her..constantly controlled her and told me going into our relationship that she would never let anyone do that to her ever again. But yet wont talk to me now because her new boy toy might get butt hurt? HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 do ex's ever genuinely mean it when they ask to stay your friend, after they have crushed your heart? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 " Oh well me and Dan are kinda together now and he would be mad if I talked to you anymore lol" There you go, this tells me that he is controlling her in some way, unless its just an excuse which I don't think it is if she was contacting you a lot before. No disrespect to the older men on here, but he is a lot older than her and probably knows what to say and how to say it, and to be honest, what does a 34yr old mature man want with a 19yr old? I can think of one thing mainly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyG Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 " Oh well me and Dan are kinda together now and he would be mad if I talked to you anymore lol" There you go, this tells me that he is controlling her in some way, unless its just an excuse which I don't think it is if she was contacting you a lot before. No disrespect to the older men on here, but he is a lot older than her and probably knows what to say and how to say it, and to be honest, what does a 34yr old mature man want with a 19yr old? I can think of one thing mainly ^^^ Couldnt of said it any better my self shoefairy! I mean no disrespect to the older men on here either but why cant the ones that are above 30 leave the "teenagers" alone! Funny thing is im not the only person that told her that a relationship with a guy that old was a crazy thing to entertain. I had the benifit of being a good friend with her best friend and we talked about her alot and her best friend even told me that she tought my ex was crazy for doing what she was doing. Her friend even went so far as to tell her (without my asking mind you ) " How hard is it to be with a man that treats you so well and loves you with all his heart when he did nothing wrong to you?" She didint say anything to that...but her response to both our responses to her 35 year old guy? "Age really doesnt matter...he's just really fun" ](*,) As for now i've almost 2 weeks NC and plan to keep it that way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyG Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 And I dont exactly know if you would call this guy mature....he has 4 kids and still lives with his parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 do ex's ever genuinely mean it when they ask to stay your friend, after they have crushed your heart? I think that some of them -- the ones who are sincere, genuine, caring people who really like you but just don't see you as a romantic partner -- probably do. The ones who have already had their eye on someone else before leaving you, the ones who suffer from chronic "grass is greener" syndrome, the ones who care so much about looking like the "good guy," etc., probably don't. I had an ex say he wanted to be friends, and I believed him; he NEVER initiated contact with me again. I e-mailed him a few times, only to get one-liner responses -- and he even DELETED one of my e-mails without reading it -- until finally he wrote me to tell me he was with someone else and had been for quite some time. In that e-mail, he had the nerve to ask me to be "friends" again, AND to ask me out to coffee (of course, he had to add in that his schedule was "really crazy," which told me very clearly that he didn't really want to have coffee with me.) My response? I told him no thanks, I wasn't interested in being friends at that point, and that having coffee was not a good idea, but that maybe someday I'd contact him when I was ready to be friends. I never did. Looking back, I don't think I ever had any intention of doing so. He had broken up with me in an e-mail, which was pretty crummy in itself, and he wasn't honest with me about why (he used "turmoil" over the impending death of a close family member as a big part of his excuse for breaking up with me -- that he couldn't be in a relationship because his life was in too much turmoil because of his relative's illness. Funny, he had NO trouble finding a new girlfriend, almost immediately, while that relative was STILL dying. I thought he was a tremendous creep for using his relative's terminal illness as an excuse to dump me -- ick. Not the sort of person I'd want for a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 I think that some of them -- the ones who are sincere, genuine, caring people who really like you but just don't see you as a romantic partner -- probably do. . In situations like the one I quoted, can friendships then work out. BTW, your ex was a cad. He didn't deserve you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 When I started dating my ex, I was 37 and she had just turned 21. I had known her since she was 19 (we met online). Frankly, I figured she would have no interest in me, since she was this gorgeous young woman, and I was this fat 37 year old. It actually took a lot of pressure off talking to her because I had no expectations. She was the one who ended up pursuing me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyG Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 When I started dating my ex, I was 37 and she had just turned 21. I had known her since she was 19 (we met online). Frankly, I figured she would have no interest in me, since she was this gorgeous young woman, and I was this fat 37 year old. It actually took a lot of pressure off talking to her because I had no expectations. She was the one who ended up pursuing me! See that I dont mind so much. But its the overweight, balding middle-aged creeps that constantly have to pick on the ones that just come outta high school that get my goat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 And I dont exactly know if you would call this guy mature....he has 4 kids and still lives with his parents. I nearly wet my pants when I read this, and it takes a lot to make me laugh atm What a loser! She will soon get tired of him or more likely the other way around first! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyG Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 I nearly wet my pants when I read this, and it takes a lot to make me laugh atm What a loser! She will soon get tired of him or more likely the other way around first! Ya it is kind of a funny story in that aspect. Even funnier thing is I orginally heard 8...then 6...then back down to four. So as far as im concerened its anywhere inbetween. And to top all that off each one has a different mother. So in my book I'd give him an A+ Wouldnt you? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 That doesn't surprise me about the different mothers, just goes to show how he flits from one woman to another! bet he's a right perv! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 In situations like the one I quoted, can friendships then work out. BTW, your ex was a cad. He didn't deserve you. I think they CAN work out, as long as both parties truly want to be friends. It might take the "dumpee" awhile, because of all of the hurt feelings and such, but eventually I think some exes CAN be friends. Yeah, that ex was a cad. He was a total coward. He isn't my recent ex, who is actually a decent guy -- the cowardly one is the one before my recent ex. The recent ex is someone I hope to be able to be friends with down the road. Right now, it's hard enough just to be on good terms with him at work, because I still want to be with him, but I'm hoping down the road (probably when I've moved on and maybe when I have someone else), we' ll be able to be real friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyG Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 Oh he is..thats how he met her they used to work together and he'd throw indecent comments at her about her figure and stuff like that. And back then he was a creep according to her, now he's god. Just goes back to what you said about him just letting her see what he wants to when he wants to. Another kinda quip to his story is that he's on probation for a year for beating a guy nearly to death in a bar with the reicver enf of a telephone just because a guy had asked him nicely to get off the phone when he'd already been on it for 20 + minutes. So yea he's a real "fun" "nice" guy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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