Nonchalance is Your Friend

[jenna-is-here]

Crap...really? It sounds so mean. I just dont know if I have it in me to do this stuff. It like, I reach out, he responds and I shut him down. Like his reward for responding is insult?

 

What if I just ignored it? Is that worse? I guess it is a good opportunity to do NonCha with a written response

[just not sure]

so i just posted "going to the beach for some fun with the cutest girl in the world" referring to my dog and the ex texts me "wanna play games on fb? awesome let the games begin"

 

* * * ?

[Kevo]

so i just posted "going to the beach for some fun with the cutest girl in the world" referring to my dog and the ex texts me "wanna play games on fb? awesome let the games begin"

 

* * * ?

 

 

 

She obviously didn't understand you were referring to your dog (seriously, who would?)... don't believe whatever she posts. She said herself it's a game.

[just not sure]

but i'm not trying to play games with her. at all. we were doing well and now this concerns me....

[Kevo]

but i'm not trying to play games with her. at all. we were doing well and now this concerns me....

 

Yeah but she thinks you are playing games. You just posted that you're going to the beach with the cutest girl in the world.... your ex knows that she isn't going to the beach.... therefore..... you do see what happened, don't you?

 

To me it looks like you were playing games and trying to get a rise out of her by not specifying that this girl is your dog.

[CrapAtNC]

Just respond: "But my cute girl cant play games on Facebook; she's just a dog!"

 

Or "I think she'd prefer it if you just threw her a stick . . ."

[CrapAtNC]

Crap...really? It sounds so mean. I just dont know if I have it in me to do this stuff. It like, I reach out, he responds and I shut him down. Like his reward for responding is insult?

 

What if I just ignored it? Is that worse? I guess it is a good opportunity to do NonCha with a written response

 

It's not mean if you remember the " ;-)

[just not sure]

Yeah but she thinks you are playing games. You just posted that you're going to the beach with the cutest girl in the world.... your ex knows that she isn't going to the beach.... therefore..... you do see what happened, don't you?

 

yeah i get that. but from someone who told me 2 days ago that if i meet a girl i like she wouldn't be upset if i told her about it, i don't see the issue all of a sudden. unless she was just BS'ing and now she's jealous.

[Halflife]

Oh come on, are you telling me you didn't want that to sound like you were taking a girl? It seems so obvious, I don't blame her for thinking you're playing games but if you truly were being innocent, unlucky!

[CrapAtNC]

I make the dog joke with my ex(es) all the time. Thing is, they always know exactly what I mean . . . so does that mean they don't think I really could get a cute girl?

[Tired Tiger]

I make the dog joke with my ex(es) all the time. Thing is, they always know exactly what I mean . . . so does that mean they don't think I really could get a cute girl?

 

Maybe they just don't care either way.

[just not sure]

so she just called me crying saying she got mad because what i posted made her jealous and now she wants to start dating me again.

 

epic win?

 

 

[Kevo]

so she just called me crying saying she got mad because she was jealous and now she wants to start dating me again.

 

epic win?

 

 

 

Awesome!! Congrats! I'll let others rain on your parade and tell you to be careful and take it slow. Hooray!!

[just not sure]

obviously i'm not putting the cart before the horse, but it's a start

[BeDour]

So the lunch went pretty well. There was definitely an awkwardness there that just wouldn't break no matter how chill I was. When we got back to my house afterwards she started talking about the relationship. She told me she just couldn't look at me the same without thinking about what happened, and that she didn't want to date me right now. I just kind of said I understood and didn't fight her on it. When she left she texted me later and asked if I was ok and I said I wasn't sure if her and I should talk regularly until she decided what she wanted. She kind of changed her tune and seemed concerned, but said it was my decision. She said she'd leave me alone until I decided.

 

Now I'm not sure what to do...I told her I'd think about what I wanted to do as far as talking. Honestly I don't want to cut contact or anything. I love talking to her and I'm scared that if I do she'll start moving on. But I also feel like by talking to her regularly I'm making it easy on her. She gets my company without having to deal with the breakup. I know it's not very nonchalant of me to say that, but she was just weird all day and once she started talking about us, I couldn't take it anymore. In the past I've always chased chased chased and eventually gotten her back. I've never backed off and left it up to her. What should I do?

[okane24]

Hey Crap

 

Any advice on what I wrote earlier?

 

"I just want to disappear from her completely.

 

Is this a good idea? If I were Nonchalant, I wouldn't care about Facebook. But I know she checks my Facebook. Once she sees that I've deleted my account, will she care? Will she think its a weak move?

 

To be honest, I want her to care. I want her to miss me.

 

I would have done anything to continue our relationship. Now all I can do is run away from her..."

 

It still feels very "unreal", like it was just a bad dream or something, that we broke up.

 

I wish I could call her up and call her honey and everything would be okay...

 

I know its not though...

 

Do you think its better to go strict NC right now or Nonchalance?

 

I'm thinking NC.

 

I love this girl sooo much and I do hope we are able to get back together one day.

[Live-N-Learn]

So I get off the plane on my lay over back home and she has text me again asking what time I land.

 

I think I will respond and tell her. Then when she asks me to come out tonight I will tell her I'm not up for it tonight. She goes out every Tues night.

 

She will be expecting me to jump all over it cuz of what happened. Time to do the unexpected!

[BeDour]

So I get off the plane on my lay over back home and she has text me again asking what time I land.

 

I think I will respond and tell her. Then when she asks me to come out tonight I will tell her I'm not up for it tonight. She goes out every Tues night.

 

She will be expecting me to jump all over it cuz of what happened. Time to do the unexpected!

 

Yes this is perfect. If she asks tell her you're busy or you don't feel like going out (this may even elicit a "well I could always come over?" to which you say yes).

[bungalo]

so she just called me crying saying she got mad because what i posted made her jealous and now she wants to start dating me again.

 

epic win?

You'll get no soggy parade on my account. Congrats and good luck!

[BeDour]

UPDATE: Well she came over my house and we talked. She said she loves me very much, but is still very bothered by the past and still can't trust me. I said that's understandable, but I can't blindly pursue her and try to fix anything if she just wants me to wait on the sidelines while she sees what else is out there.

 

Those were our two opposing stands. She told me she's purposely been hiding her feelings, and that she really does miss me and love me, but just hasn't been telling me. She then proceeds to kiss me (pretty passionate one at that), and hug me for like 3 straight minutes in silence. Then she quietly said she had to get home, I walked her to her car, and we kissed again.

 

What. The hell. Is going on here...

[mr_zanon]

UPDATE: Well she came over my house and we talked. She said she loves me very much, but is still very bothered by the past and still can't trust me. I said that's understandable, but I can't blindly pursue her and try to fix anything if she just wants me to wait on the sidelines while she sees what else is out there.

 

Those were our two opposing stands. She told me she's purposely been hiding her feelings, and that she really does miss me and love me, but just hasn't been telling me. She then proceeds to kiss me (pretty passionate one at that), and hug me for like 3 straight minutes in silence. Then she quietly said she had to get home, I walked her to her car, and we kissed again.

 

What. The hell. Is going on here...

I think that what you told her is exactly what you should do. Until she decides what she wants and what she's gonna do, you should do what's best for you.

[The_Seeker]

Okane, I know you're asking for Crap's advice, but my situation is similar to yours.

 

After my ex broke up with me a while, I decided a month ago to delete my facebook. So he and whoever else in his family has no access to my facebook. Heck, they can't see any of the pictures.

 

I pretty much fell off the face of the earth. He hasn't contact me yet. I know he will. ;] Come on, I have such an awesome soul.

 

Anyway, the upside is my friends noticed I don't have facebook anymore. So they would text me constantly and invite me to hangout etc etc because they miss having you around since you're on such a busy schedule.

 

So you know what, try it and find out.

 

I'll let you know if my ex ever contacts me. LOL Hence the 2 weeks of October is going to be a major depression on me.

[Fluffy101]

Okay, so here's my question--and please forgive me if it's a little off-topic.

 

I've been away from my ex for nearly 8 weeks now, and we haven't had any contact for nearly a month. I am already starting to move on and forget; I'm starting to see how much better my life is now, even though I still miss him. But I know that in the long run I will be happier this way--or at least I THINK I will! But what I don't understand is why my ex wouldn't be even more over me than I am over him. He's got a new gf and they've been together for over two months, and I haven't heard from him at all--which is really crappy when you've spent 2.5 years with someone, but anyway...

 

I guess I don't understand why my ex would suddenly start to miss me or become interested in my life, when time and distance are doing their job and I'm starting to let go of him. I could see it if he broke up with the new girl, but I don't see that happening for a very long time. Does it make sense that time and distance would make the dumper's heart grow fonder while it makes the dumpee able to detach and move on? Any thoughts on this?

[The_Seeker]

I feel like he's just using her to get rid of the emotions he has for you.

[Fluffy101]

It certainly is possible. And knowing that he hasn't done any work on himself between relationships, I am sure that his latest will crash and burn on him at some point. But that could be years from now, and I have no intention of waiting around to see what happens. I guess I don't understand why time wouldn't make the dumpers move on even further from us, yet I keep reading about dumpers that call their ex out of the blue four months after they broke up with them. In four months, I don't plan to even remember what my ex LOOKS LIKE with any clarity! Why would he be any different? Why would NC allow a dumpee to move on but not the dumper?