Big Mistake to say I'm going into NC?

[babysunshine]

Thanks. Sometimes deep down inside you know you're doing the right thing but coming here and having reinforcement helps tremendously. Maybe that ultimatum was drastic but so was having him break up with me after four years. I need to stick to my guns. Thanks everyone. Good luck to all.

[renaissancewoman101]

i think it gives him the time and space to see if you are really the one for him. if he can live without you and finds he isn't missing you, etc... then you two were never meant to be. if he has the opportunity to miss you, then he may see that he made a great mistake.

 

that's the scariest thing to do, to give that time and space. And he never comes back. that's why that is so scary, like looking down at the ocean from the edge of a cliff.

 

One jump and you're a goner.

 

that's how it is.

[annie24]

that's the scariest thing to do, to give that time and space. And he never comes back. that's why that is so scary, like looking down at the ocean from the edge of a cliff.

 

One jump and you're a goner.

 

that's how it is.

 

yeah, but that's not in your control - it's all within his mind. if he is gone, then he is gone, and staying 'friends' isn't going to get him back to you. we can't control other people's emotions, only our own.

[renaissancewoman101]

I think most of the people here have me pegged wrong. When I say stay friends with them, I never meant as a way to try and date them. What I meant was, you and your SO had traits in each other that you once liked, the attraction and feelings transcended those traits. Now, that the attraction and feelings are done, dusted, burnt up in the blaze of a breakup, if one or both can overlook that, a friendship can be rebuilt. Sometimes people are not meant to be in a relationship with each other.

[greensleeves]

I totally get what you were saying. It's just very difficult to do if you still have feelings for the other person that go beyond friendship. The only thing that can diminish those feelings is time, and it's only then that you might be able to carry on a true friendship. The amount of time needed will vary for everyone.

[Addicus]

I think you did the right thing...you set a boundary and he is respecting it. If he called you then he would have little respect for your wishes. Even if it is your birthday..it doesn't matter. It would be unfair of you to establish a boundary and hope the ex breaks it. What does that say about your boundaries and the ex's behaviour. I think your ex is doing what you asked him to do and you should resepct him for that. I told my ex I didn't want her to contact me and she totaly respected. It may of been easy because she didn't care of it may not. All I know is that if she had broken it I would of lost all respect for her. I eventually ended NC only to go back into it. Boundaries are not forever. When you have healed and you may want the ex in you life then you can change the boundary. My question is if you want to talk to him what do you want out of it? He ended things so unless he wants to reconcile what do want? A friendship? The reality is that staying in contact will keep the pain going. Not talking will allow you to heal. Read posts and other threads, NC really helps you heal, and you made it clear that unless he wants to get back together then don't contact. That is a great boundary!