My ex is psychotic! PLEASE HELP!

[oh my god... ho]

Well, I finally broke up with my crazy mentally abusive controlling bf. Somehow I thought the crazy BS would end, but boy was I wrong. We broke up two weeks ago and he still won't get the rest of his stuff out. I do NOT feel safe living there knowing that he has a key. He already tried to steal my dog from me twice, and I can't keep pawning her off on my mom. He is completely 100% unreasonable. When I ask him when he's going to get his stuff, he goes into telling me what I horrible person I am, how much I hurt him, and that karma's a * * * * * and he deserves so much better.

 

He doesn't even realize what a * * * * * he's been and why I'm breaking up with him. Instead he's trying to be a martyr. He's been going to church with the neighbors that I'll have to live next to for the next 4 months. No doubt he's told them what a wretched soul I am for breaking his heart and leaving him for someone else (which isn't even true!).

 

I am so embarrassed now and scared how others will view me. He is purposefully trying to ruin my image. When he talked to my mom he told her a bunch of things about me that I had kept secret for good reason. He also went out to the bars the weekend after we broke up and made out with a chick right in front of me, and he still is telling me *I'M* the bad person. He is full of excuses. *HE* never does anything wrong.

 

I am just completely upset and miserable. I have never been so pissed in my life. I want him out of my life completely, but how do I do that when every time I try to settle business (getting him off the lease, getting his stuff out, etc.) and he writes me back to "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He acts like a frigging two year old having a tantrum.

 

In the last email I wrote him, I told him that if he didn't get his stuff out Thursday that me & my dad would load up his van and take it to his mom's house. I feel like if he won't take responsibility to do it himself, then someone's got to do it. I'm hoping that maybe having my dad there will intimidate him to the point that he will have to hand over the key. I don't want it to come to that, but if he won't take action I don't feel like I should have to just sit by and take it. It's been 2 F'ing weeks and I am tired of his BS.

 

On top of that, does anyone have suggestions about how to deal w/ the neighbors? We used to do couple stuff together, and my ex is trying to manipulate them to feel sorry for him because he sits there and acts like a big baby crying to them when he goes to church with them and out to lunch. IMO, neither of us has a right to keep a friendship that we made together. I don't think that is fair to either person. It's extremely uncomfortable to me because I have to live there knowing that they have heard nothing but BS lies about me. My friend says I should let them hear my side, but I don't know.

 

My biggest worry is that my ex is using friendship w/ them in order to stay close to the apt we used to share and keep tabs on me. It seems like all he wants to do is destroy me & make sure everybody knows what a horrible person I am. This is exactly why I broke up with him. He is so horrible to me... its not fair.

 

When is this going to end??? What do I do???

[SapphireNoir10]

Call the police. Get him out. If its your house.

[angelsoft]

Get a restraining order and change the locks. That's all you can do for now. If you can afford it, I'm recommending a security camera at your front and back door for a while.

 

If ALL of that doesn't work and you still feel unsafe, than move and don't tell anyone he knows where you are living.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Even if he hands over the key he may have had a copy made. Just change the locks, regardless.

 

Re: the neighbors, most people are very uncomfortable getting sucked into breakups like this. You can talk to the neighbors without going into detail. Just tell them you broke up and don't think it is fair for them to be sucked into it and to have to take sides, that you want to keep them as friends but not drag them into it. Then leave it up to them to decide to be friends or not. Don't get into a he said/she said discussion with them unless they ask questions and specifically ask you for your side of the story.

 

He cannot destroy you, he can just be like an annoying bug buzzing around you. You can start by avoiding for a while anywhere you know he will be. Get your locks changed, move his stuff out, then refuse to take calls, emails, or meet him. Act like he doesn't exist, and he'll eventually tire of talking about it, and everyone will get sick of listening to him.

[oh my god... ho]

I guess I need to add that the keys are electronic, so you cannot make duplicates. It's also very expensive to get the locks re-programmed, but it's something I would be willing to do... the only problem is that his name's on the lease, so if he complains then technically he should be able to get a copy. Right?

 

Is this something I could discuss w/ the landlord? Is there any way that if I am in danger I can get his name off the lease? I don't want to go to court. I've only got 4 more months there so I don't think court would really solve anything quick enough.

[juicey]

First, go to a local womans shelter and ask to speak to a counselor. They will be able to guide you in local laws regarding this kind of stuff. I would also notify the landlord via a phone call and follow up with a letter about your concerns.

 

Good luck.

[angelsoft]

You can get out of any lease if you feel threatened and in danger. Do yourself a favor and stop making silly excuses. Your safety should be your number one priority and you already said he was abusive.

[Miss Firecracker]

I don't see how you can legally remove his items from the apartment he is leasing. I believe that would be theft. So you probably need to speak to a lawyer before doing a thing.

[juicey]

Angelsoft, that is not true in all areas. The OP is going to have to find out legally how to get out of her lease or terminate her ex out of her lease legally.

[oh my god... ho]

Who would I talk to to get out of that lease?

[insofar]

I don't see how you can legally remove his items from the apartment he is leasing. I believe that would be theft. So you probably need to speak to a lawyer before doing a thing.

Agreed. I'd be careful here. He is acting like a two-year old here but if his name is on the lease, you can't keep him from entering his own home. I would see if you can get him to get together with you and speak with the landlord about the situation. You guys aren't going through a divorce but because his name is on the lease, the situation seems much the same.

 

Talk to a lawyer, preferably one skilled in family and property law.

[southerngirl]

Find another place to go and move out.

 

Let the landlord know that you are leaving, and pay any penalties that the landlord wants to take you off the lease.

 

This would be easier, you can give your key to the landlord.

 

You can move somewhere that he doesn't know exists.

 

You would have new neighbors.

 

You wouldnt be tied to the rental agreement anymore if the landlord lets you out of it.

 

If you honestly fear for your safety go to the police about it.

 

I was in an abusive situation. Not going into too much detail.. I left and stayed low so that he wouldn't find me again.

 

I know what fear is. But you've got to lift yourself up. Do not allow him to have any control over you. You take control.

[lady00]

Find another place to go and move out.

 

Let the landlord know that you are leaving, and pay any penalties that the landlord wants to take you off the lease.

 

This would be easier, you can give your key to the landlord.

 

You can move somewhere that he doesn't know exists.

 

You would have new neighbors.

 

You wouldnt be tied to the rental agreement anymore if the landlord lets you out of it.

 

If you honestly fear for your safety go to the police about it.

 

I was in an abusive situation. Not going into too much detail.. I left and stayed low so that he wouldn't find me again.

 

I know what fear is. But you've got to lift yourself up. Do not allow him to have any control over you. You take control.

 

I agree...get a new place as soon as possible.

[oh my god... ho]

And what about some of my stuff that he's got? How do I get that back?

[lady00]

And what about some of my stuff that he's got? How do I get that back?

 

If it's stuff that can be replaced, then I think it would be wise to just let him keep it.

[oh my god... ho]

That's what I was fearing

[teknoise]

How expensive is the stuff that he has of yours?

 

I would talk to a lawyer to see what your options are. This is a messy situation that differs from place to place. A lawyer will iron out your situation provided you have the money for one.