Too many struggles and no good advice!

[abriellek]

So my boyfriend quit smoking pot for me for a year (We've been together a year and a half, and have lived together for a year and two months.) But now, due to feeling depressed, and seeing more of his family (who all do drugs) he's started again. He says he doesn't see anything wrong with being high all the time. I obviously don't agree with this because he's gone 8 hours a day at work, and the only time I see him is at night. It's not him when he's high. I don't see why he can't enjoy life sober. He says he quit because of his love for me, but now he thinks we shouldn't have to change ourselves for each other. He tried to break up with me 4 times, but came back the next day and cried and told me how much he loves me. We've been fine for 3 or 4weeks, I've compromised toward his lifestyle wishes, he's been acting more normal and less angry and hateful toward me all the time. But now he says that he's confused and doesn't know if we should stay together or live together (our lease comes up in June) because he is so frustrated with his life. (but he follows that by telling me he loves me.)

I thought the problem was the weed, but really I think it's his depression. He keeps saying he's 'frustrated' with his life, even though he has everything he could want (3 video game systems, 2 tvs, psp, tons of games, movies, he makes good money and is about to get a promotion, i make him dinner every night and do his laundry and dishes.) He comes home from work really angry and wants to just scream or hit the wall or throw something (never me, don't worry) and says he's just crabby and frustrated and basically won't talk to me. His solution for this feeling is smoking pot. I can't get him to go to a Doctor, and to add to the problem, his entire family smokes pot and encourages him doing it, and now that they know we are having problems, call him 3 or more times a day (they never liked me).

Problem is, I love him more than I coul ever imagine loving someone, even though I'm young. We fell madly in love very quickly. I'm pretty sure I would die for him if I had to. I have a promise ring from him promising our engagement in another year, he had also spoken to my parents about it. We've talked about marriage, kids, lives. I've fantasised and pictured my whole life around him, and he makes me feel whole. I have no idea what to do to help him and help us stay together without nagging him or trying to control him. HELP.](*,)

[summerpeach]

Most people who smoke a lot of dope suffer from severe depression.

My ex was a heavy drug user and I tried everything to get him to stop. Nothing worked.

We broke up 3 yrs ago and I am sure he's still doing dope

 

There is not much you can do with an addict. You need to accept him or leave.

He needs to want to get help. Addiction is a very serious issuse to deal with

 

When your partner is suffering so are all the people that love them.

 

Did u not know he was a drug addict when you moved in with him?

[kevinm]

Pot, like any drug, can be a crutch. The problem with any drug is that it removes one away from reality. It's an escape. When I was doing drugs I never grew up emotionally. I dealt with things when I was high, and that's how I knew how to deal with life. When I sobered up all of a sudden I had to learn how to handle life on a sober level. I felt like a 16 year old kid in the body of a 27 year old (that's when I became sober). I'll be 33 next month, and I'm so glad to be done with that phase of my life. Your b/f has to quit for himself... not for you or his family, etc. Until he is willing to make that change there is nothing you can do except to reinforce the positive. Tell him you like him more when he's sober. Tell him the sex is better when he's sober. Tell him you feel more connected to him when he's sober, etc, etc.

 

-Kevin