Volkslad Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 My ex-ex, who I broke up with, but we ended up being really good friends (after 2 years of NC), and I have gone out more recently, as friends. I have told her EVERYTHING about the ex and how it has affected me over the past 3 months. Well, the ex-ex told me today that she wishes things had worked out between us, and she would like it if we could give it another chance. My first thought was, this is an interesting possibility I am not entirely opposed to. My second thought was, my ex (who I admit I am not quite over yet and hold out a slim hope of getting back) would hate me forever if I dated my ex-ex right now (even though she has a rebound dude). My third thought was that I am not ready to date someone else right now. My fourth thought was that my ex-ex is pretty awesome, and if I don't date her right now I might lose her too! Shoot! What to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratsy Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 DATE HER...thats what I think. Give it a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addicus Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 date hre...if you current ex would be upset with you dating your ex-ex or anyone else then she should of not dumped you or she should get back with you..she can't have it both ways! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westcoast Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Think very long and hard about why it didn't work out in the first place bud. I find that after long enough, we have the ability to idealize everything about a women who we once had given a long enough period of time. Doesn't mean don't do it... just remember that you tried once and it didn't work. Ask Why as seriously as possible before trying again, otherwise you're liable to be hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portage Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 You sound pretty conflicted my brother. Hmmmmm, maybe you should just step back and stay solo until you do know. Listen to your gut, don't necessarily do it just because it is there. Does this make sense?? Cos i got it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratsy Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 I think he should date her to see what happens. The other ex has a rebound, also, so why not see what the girl who actually gives a rip is in the relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Ask yourself what you would do if you dated your ex-ex and then your more recent ex asked for you back? (and how fair would what you do next be to all involved?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOnThePrize Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Wow...you sound confused to me, although I'm sure you have some ideas about what you'd like to do, and I'd love to hear them. My thought would be that you find out what changes she's made in her behavior and think about what changes you've made or are willing to make in your behavior to prevent going through a repeat of what happened with the ex-ex the first time around. And if it was me, I'd take it extremely slowly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 It doesn't sound to me like you are overly enthusiastic about getting back together with your ex ex and the only reasons why you are contemplating it is because 1) she asked and 2) nobody else has come along and what the hell, may as well have somebody who wants me. Not good enough reasons to start seeing someone when you are still emotionally invested with your most recent ex. Get over her first and if that means you lose this opportunity, oh well, the timing is just not right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 I think you should go for it. Just start it off slowly. If you like her, date her...don't overly complicate things, especially at this early stage. Treat it like you just met someone and are starting to date them from scratch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sara1 Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Always wanting want you can't have is always the best route. If you decide to date the ex-ex you can always take it slow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Volkslad Posted March 29, 2008 Author Share Posted March 29, 2008 I think I'll keep going out for dinner with her on occasion, but I can't see myself really dating her right now..I guess. We have a great friendship now after years of being broken up, and if we dated again and it didn't work out, it would probably/definitely ruin the friendship forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 I think I'll keep going out for dinner with her on occasion, but I can't see myself really dating her right now..I guess. We have a great friendship now after years of being broken up, and if we dated again and it didn't work out, it would probably/definitely ruin the friendship forever. Sounds like you're not that into her...I would guess that most people would risk ruining a friendship if they're really into someone and it could lead to a loving long-term relationship. It's actually a classic example they use in that book "He's Just Not That Into You." Just make sure you are clear with her that you're only interested in being friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosie76 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I'm in a quasi-identical situation, outside of knowing that I don't want my most recent ex back (though he's still annoyingly in mind a lot of the time). Have gotten to be good friends with ex-ex after two years not talking and we're thinking about giving it another go. For me the reticence about doing it isn't because I'm 'not all that into him', but because after not having him in my life for two years and then finally reconnecting, the friendship is way too valuable to gamble. And if I can't be sure I'm keen to be with him for the right reasons - i.e. really wanting to be with him rather than just wanting to be with someone or enjoying him wanting to give it another go - then trying a relationship is, like you say, quite likely to wreck the friendship. Depending on how serious you were with your ex-ex, it's never going to feel like a new relationship - there will be an attachment there from the time before and it will be very hard to actually take things slowly. If you're not sure, I'd say let it wait. Sounds like you can be very honest with her anyway as a friend, so just explain as you have here - you think she's brilliant and you don't want to lose your chance with her, but you know you're still thinking of your ex and want to be really careful. If it's something worth trying again, she'll understand that and react reasonably to it, won't she? Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrapAtNC Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I was in exactly the same situation as yours. I dated the ex-ex, but I made sure to take it very slowly, and I'm glad I did, because it turned out the attraction just wasn't there this time around, and it would just have been messy if we'd got involved. I think it's good to date, though, and you must NEVER let what your ex might think get in the way of that. Don't be a WUSS! Put yourself first for once; you'll be surprised how much more attractive that makes you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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