do i ignore him, or lay it all out there?

[kekep]

i was dating this guy since mid-january. i never assumed we were bf/gf, but we've talked or communicated in some way everyday up until about a week ago, when i sensed he was starting to become distant. i noticed it was taking him longer to respond to texts and his emails were coming in later and later in the day, so i pulled back a bit myself and didn't make myself so available to him. i even posted about it on here at the time.

 

anyway, this past weekend, he didn't try to arrange to make plans with me. we still spoke, but i thought it was strange that he didn't want to get together. on monday when i got to work, i checked facebook and noticed his ex had created an album from a st. patrick's day parade which happened on saturday, which he was featured in...i know he knows that i saw him with his ex, so i expected to hear from him about it, along with some type of explanation. not necessarily him apologizing, but just to say "hey, i know you saw me w/her in that album, but i want you to know nothing happened between us." but i got nothing from him...up until wednesday.

 

he tried calling me around 10:00 pm, and i didn't pick up. he didn't leave a voicemail. then yesterday he sent me an email basically wishing me a happy easter, along with "have a great weekend, and hopefully we can hang out when i get back." (he's up north visiting his hometown). i haven't responded b/c i'm angry, and i feel hurt that it took him that long to get to me. i don't know how to handle this though. do i just ignore his texts/calls, or do i lay it out that what he did hurt me?

 

i just want to handle this in a mature way. any advice is appreciated!

[GetMeBack]

Wow your situation sounds a lot like mine with a man I am dating at the moment...

 

It looks like he may be in two minds about his ex. It is very un - thoughtful with the face book pictures...

 

But honeyspur on here once gave me great advice. If a man is not making definate plans to meet up or whatever they are wasting your time.

 

I would simply block him from msn..if you have it. I have . And give him the gift of missing you...

 

Just disappear for a while..Give yourself some time to think things over..

 

You may realise you dont want him after that..

 

I dont know about you but ambivalent men at the start of a relationship..freak me out..

 

GetMeBack..

[Stella Sleepwalks]

I completely agree ^^^

 

Telling him how you feel about this will serve what purpose? He sounds incredibly insensitive so you'll either a) Boost his ego or b) Make him think you're clingy.

 

Total NC for two weeks -lets see what he's made of! If he posts more pics of his ex on Facebook, then there's your answer.

[wayoverit]

NC games are negative in situations like this. Just play aloof. Change the topic. Just say Hi. Or Just completely tell him some other stories in your life. When you see yourself angry at something so early in a relationship, don't drill on it, focus on other things.

[asdfg123]

Just play it cool. Wait until he calls you again and be nice and "busy" Say oh hey! I hope you had a nice easter...things have been so busy w me!" Make small chit chat for 5 mins and be like i gotta go...my friend is here..or use some excuse. BUT ACT LIKE U DONT CARE. After this you can see if he either makes more of an effort...which means he likes u...and if he doesnt...means he does not notice and does not care. Dont become needy by asking him questions about the photos or why he hasnt call more etc. GUYS GET TURNED OFF BY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!! ESP IN THE BEGINNING! Heck they dont like it at all. When I was w my BF he went on vaccation and only called the first day and didnt call for 3 days...I thought to myself...why doesnt he call and I was about to text him just to say hey and then i thought...nah why bother if he doesnt? So I went to my friends house and was in the pool and then he called..her brother picked up my phone bc it was in the house and lo and behold it was my bf at the time and i called him back an hour later when i was finished w the pool and was friendly and bc i didnt freak out saying u didnt call for 3 days...he prob wondered...hey she is having fun! He started calling me THREE TIMES A DAY from then on for the rest of his trip...all on his own Sometimes u have to play it cool...either they like u or dont...so always be friendly and dont get all mad if they dont call...but if they do it too much start to act friendly and BUSY....u will see from the reactons....whether they r worht still dating.

[lilypadgirl]

Hmm...I disagree with the some of above posters. Both going NC and playing aloof are games. If you want to be mature, don't play games.

 

I think here, you're expecting him to acknowledge the hurt he caused you, which he should but isn't. But he's either expecting you to confront him or if not hope it'll pass over, which you won't and shouldn't. But both of you are playing a cold war here, trying to get reaction from the other first. There's no communication here!

 

I think you should talk to him...CALMLY. Tell him that you know you guys aren't official and that he doesn't have to be responsible to you about these things, but seeing the pictures hurt and you'd at least appreciate knowing where you guys stand and some sensitivity. Stay calm but be honest. Don't accuse him, but let him know you're hurt. If he's mature, he'll appreciate your honesty and your lack of drama. If you just ignore this, this will just create insecurity ... and that's not a good beginning for a relationship.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

if you have been dating steadily for 2.5 months then he just basically disappears for 2 weeks, it would give me pause. could he perhaps be starting to date the ex again? maybe he wants to date both of you at once? or even some other woman you don't know about?

 

you might want to wait until the next time he calls and when you get together, ask him what is up with the disappearing act, and if does he perceive you two as exclusively dating, or is he seeing someone else. see what he says and how he behaves.

 

i wouldn't focus on the 'you hurt me' thing, but on the real problem, which is what IS he doing here? he needs to treat you with a little more respect at this point rather than the 'let's hang together' nonchalance. If that's all he wants, fine, but you need to know about it and decide whether you're willing to date someone who drops in and out of sight.