Very Confused about my emotions for my BF and XBF, What to do??

[CE102]

Well, where to start.

 

A quick reprise is that I have been with my BF for about Four Years on and off, we broke up in March 2006 and finally got back together March 2007. We now live together and have just bought a house together., but are still in the early stages.

 

We broke up because we could not get on, there was no cheating, violence etc.. we just broke as such and neither could not see a way forward.

 

Anyway while we were apart I met someone, we dated for about six months and he was very different from my BF.

 

The thing is that its been over a year since I have seen him and I love my BF but since I broke up with my XBF I think about him all the time, and I have all along.

 

The thing is I know I did not give him a chance, he was lovely and treated me really well, we got on and laughed a lot.

 

My BF treats me really well too but for some reason we do not laugh and I find myself unhappy all though I do not know why, I just am.

 

I broke up with my XBF to give it another go with my BF and I was so happy to begin with, but as time has gone on I feel unhappy.

 

Am I just wanting the greener Grass, as they say because I remember feeling like this when I broke up with my XBF about my BF. But I think about him so much and I do not really know why. I had to make a choice I had two men and could only have one.

 

Gosh I hope this is making some sense as I really does not make much in my head most of the time. Months have passed and I have also hoped that I would get over this. Is there unfinished business. I did just break up with him and shut him out.

 

Anyway, I have not spoken to him or seen him since Feb 07. I sent him an email last night. I have some of his stuff still in the loft and when we broke up emotions were high and he told me to throw it all away or give it away. I never did as I knew it was a very emotional time.

 

I told him I was having a clear out and that I would happily drop his stuff off to him after work as he lives in the same town I work in. I have not heard anything yet, but I did not expect to, to be honest. I did state not to feel the need to reply if he does not want to just to be polite, I know I broke his heart. And I would not blame him for hating me.

 

I have not told my BF, I am not trying to be deceitful, if I got a reply and was going to drop his stuff off I would tell me BF, I would never go behind his back like that. But if I don’t hear anything I don’t see why I need to tell him. I will know that he has moved on to the point he does not even want to email me and I would respect that.

 

I was a bit awful to my XBF when I broke up with him and I want to make some of it right all be it I never can take hurting him back, also I want to see him.

 

I am also making my BF unhappy, he can be quite challenging and if he is unhappy or picks up on something he will say so, not much tact with that kind of thing.

 

Am I messing them all around? Sometimes I do think they all would be better off without me.

 

If anyone can make any sense of this it would be helpful for some feedback to this, or if anyone has had this kind of thing.

 

I thank you all in advance for taking the time to read.

 

CE102 x

[DN]

I was a bit awful to my XBF when I broke up with him and I want to make some of it right all be it I never can take hurting him back, also I want to see him.

 

Don't make an excuse to see him based on 'putting things right'. Be honest with yourself and admit the only reason is that you want to see him and the reason you want to do that is to see if he is still attractive and attracted.

 

You are starting on a path to break some hearts here - including your own.

[pryda]

Yeah, your mind is clearly starting to wander and you're blatantly still interested in this other guy at some level. If that's the way you feel then it's not at all fair on your current boyfriend, particularly if you do decide to meet up with this other guy. Suppose he is still interested in you - what then? One thing will lead to another, you'll start to see him more often and then your relationship will fall apart.

 

If your current boyfriend isn't doing enough for you and it's causing you to get curious about someone else then you need to talk to him about it and try and work on your issues. If the issues can't be resolved, you should break up. It's simply not fair on him if your mind is in other places.

 

But let me ask you this - do you think perhaps that you are the kind of person who is just never content with what you have? The things that jump off the page at me in particular are that your relationship was "on and off" and that the guy you were seeing in between was "very different". This suggests that you're erratic, you don't know what you want. If you went back to the ex you'd probably get bored of him after a few months and then either swing back towards your current boyfriend again or look for something new altogether.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not having a go at you nor suggesting that you're even considering swapping your boyfriend for this other guy - all I'm saying is, you should be thinking very carefully about what you're doing at all times. Many people in your situation cause all sorts of heartbreak because they seem to insist on being in a relationship at all times despite not knowing what sort of relationship they want nor what sort of person they want it with.

[CE102]

Firstly, thank you to all you read this post and to those who took the time to reply.

 

To Pryda, thanks for you brutal post, It made me cry, BUT in a sad/good way if that makes sense.

 

I do seem to go into self destruct mode, and it clearly shows otherwise you would not have picked that up. I don't understand it, I don't know what sparks it off. And I have done it before, not the same circs but destroyed a relationship.

 

All I know is that since I broke up with my XBF I have thought about him a lot, its not a recent thing, it just has got more to hard to ignore in the last month or so.

 

And to DN, You are right too, of course its a lame excuse, that is all anyone has when they want to see someone they cannot. I has been done to me before I know I am not the last one to use it. But I do want to see him but also I do honestly want to try and put some of it right. I did screw him over as such, I have a lot of his stuff that is expensive and I know he did not want to come over because I hurt him, but in turn that done him over and he had to buy it all again no doubt, I also have some stuff he can never replace. I can never take back hurting him but I can give him his stuff back and pay back some money to him. He paid for our holiday and when I gave him a cheque he tore it up in anger. I feel he does need this back, I feel guilt at that and I do not want to insult him by just sending another one without talking to him, if you understand.

 

Anyhow, He has not replied to my email and I respect that, I So I will leave him alone. I will send the stuff in the post to him that he cannot replace and give the rest of the stuff to a charity shop as he originally asked and I will just have to compose a short letter about monies I would like to pay back. at the very least I hurt him, I want my soul to be clear that I did not use him for money etc..

 

I do feel sad about this, I know I’ve no right to do so before I get you broke up with him, But I am not perfect and clearly made some bad choices.

 

As far as my BF. He is a good man who does not deserve this, and I don't want to mess his life up by messing about. If I tell him any of this he will leave I know that, so that is why I have not told him.

 

Is it better to tell him and suffer the consequences or not?

 

Thanks for reading.

 

CE102 X