babysunshine Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 I ended up sending my ex an email explaining how the person I had become (which led us to drift apart) is not the person I want to be and how I am going to take the steps to better myself (through therapy, working out, focusing on myself and school) Before I wrote this letter I had been calling him and begging him to takeme back that I would change and if he wouldnt take me backnow if when I felt I was back to who I want to be if I could see him. He kept saying we can'tpredict the future but also reluctantly agreed to meet up mayb on the fourth of July. - We both live in different states and always spend the fourth of july in calufornia. But.. In this letter I sent him I just spoke about where I went wrong and how I am going to better myself and that I am just a girl who lost the man she loved and herself along the way and that I willdo this on my own and "see him when I do". He sent this back. Does anyone have any thoughts? Doe sit mean hes happy for me but hes moving on or that hes happy for me and that there might be a possibility of reconciliaton? I am so devastated. We dated for four years. i am truly proud of you ***. thats what i have wanted for so long was for you to make these changes that you have been talking about for you. i know you will do it and become the woman that has been hiding for a little while. you are the smartest woman i know and not to mention the most beautiful inside and out and i truly mean that. youre already on the path and trust me i know how good it feels to see yourself transform menatally and physically. that transformation breeds self motivation. just make sure you keep your sights set on your goals *. feel free to call anytime i do miss you. love ** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ami Pelletier Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 I really hope that this does mean you can reconcile. (This may be may be more advice than you asked for but having recently been in a similar situation, i would advise you not to beg anymore. It's good he knows how you feel. You should make it clear that that is what you want, but try an refrain from seeming too desperate. He probably doesn't want to be convinced or manipulated. Showing that you can be strong on your own is attractive. I think the e-mail could read either way (I'm sorry.) The way i began, it seems like he is just being supportive. I am sure he still loves you. And, as long as he does have love for you, even if it's not his intent, he could probably be having some feelings of wanting to get back together. Having been together so long, he is undoubtably going to be missing you. Seeing him is important, I think. When you do, recreate situations that have similar and nostalgic meaning. Make him want to be intimate with you (hug, hold hands.) He will experience what he is keeping himself from. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 Thanks for responding Ami. You're right. I guess the email is a little vague and can go both ways. Im just so distraught and keep overanalyzing it.... =( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blender Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 what his reply means is that he takes what you said as the "truth" that you are really working on your own issues, and working on your own life, and busy with your own independence and that you are NOT just saying all this to him as a way of trying to convince him.. he is actually BELIEVING you.. and that means he is honestly happy for you if you are TRULY taking the steps to regaining your independence and seek some self respect and self esteem and eventually he can be friendly towards you and you won't think it means "more" because you have actually expressed how much 'self work" you have done and that you're doing well and you'll "see him when you do".. so just know that if you were honest in what you expressed to him in that email, you might not be so focused on trying to decipher what HE might mean, because he just simply responded honestly to what he believes to be an honest expression from you.. that you are doing some self realization, you are happy, and you'll see him whenever... right? OR did you secretly have a hope, or an expectation that if you "convinced" him that you were "all better and improved" he would want to try again?? My dear, I understand you thinking that way, but the fact is, you are going to be fine without him, and actually doing the self work that you said you were doing, would help you heal and grow way past this "trying to decipher" what HE means, he said what he means.. "he's happy for you, and misses you, and you can give him a call sometime".. but that is what he means, he's being kind, friendly, polite and caring... because he believes that you are doing the self work and not just trying to provoke him into "trying again".. you know what I mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blender Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Thanks for responding Ami. You're right. I guess the email is a little vague and can go both ways. Im just so distraught and keep overanalyzing it.... =( My dear, try not to be "overanalyze" it, because his email is not "vague" it's HONEST.. sometimes we hold off on our own healing because we have "expectations" and when an ex responds in a sincere friendly way as your ex has, and there is no intention in his response of him making a clear effort to state he'd "like to try again as a couple" well that hurts a bit, and then we go the "it's vague" type of turmoil.. so try to separate your "feelings" from the "facts" here.. so you can let go a bit and take a deep breath and feel good about yourself.. you "feel" as if you want to convince HIM that you are doing all this self work, but the "fact" is the only one who needs to believe how wonderful and healthy you are becoming is YOU.. believe in yourself.. and if a man wants to "try again" he will say something to clearly indicate that.. and right now he seems to honestly be saying that he's happy for you and misses you and is glad to hear that you are healing.. don't you think? so right now just take it one day at a time, do NOT contact him again right now, instead take some time to actually LIVE THE TRUTH that you expressed to him in the email, be independent, work on your own self, and in time IF he discovers that he wants to try again with you, trust that HE will make contact again.. and if you do NOT make contact right now, he will actually think you are healing, and more importantly you will be.. so let go for today.. keep focused on your own self work.. you're doing great, you expressed some nice things to him.. so let it be for now and keep up the good work in your own life for today.. best, blender Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 Blender- Thanks for your eye-opening words. I guess I would be in denial if I said I was making all these changes just for me and I'll be better without him. I do want to make these changes for myself of course, but in the back of my mind my inspiration is influenced by the fact he will not be able to resist me when I'm done with my transformation. Is that healthy? I don't know but I guess it's a start right. And if our problems stemmedfrom the things that I am planning on fixing why wouldn't he want to get backtogether with me? He is not the type to just say things to soften a blow. If he still feels I am the most beautiful and intelligent woman and then I fix my emotional problemswhat could hold him back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.