babysunshine Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 I had been with my boyfriend for four years, the last two have been long distance (different states). Things started getting rocky when he moved away and I became bitter and rensentful. I gained weight, lost focus on graduate school, basically became a grinch. Even my family noticed. So, on this Valentines day which was also our 4 year anniversary he told me he was not coming out to visit and that we were done. He gave me the cliche "i love you but im not in love with you", and you know what sucks? I dont blame him. I havent loved myself for quite some time no and I realize that was a huge part in him growing apart from me. I told him I would makechanges such as get therapy, be healthy, work out, and he toldme that he was very proud of me. I asked if we could see each other maybe six months from now when I have myself together and try agin. All he said is he doesnt think we'll get back together but he also said the future cant be predicted. Im so lost. I had my first therapy appointment andhave joined the gym and am drinking less. I want to reach out to him when I feel I am healthy and attractive again. The problem is we live in different states so how can I show him my changes and the "new" me if I cant bump into him or call and ask for coffee? I cant just call him and say Can I fly out to New York so you can see me now? HELP! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsMeeoow Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 Well - I think for right now by your own admission you need to think about yourself. Though it is hard and very painful thinking about how to contact him down the road doesn't make any sense right now because you are not at the place you need to be. And, as tempting as it is to call and say 'hey, I went to therapy' or 'hey I've dropped 10 pounds' those are not the things to get him back. Really dig into this! You've said yourself 'I don't blame him'. Figure out why it is that you became what you did and really give yourself a good 6 months to find your own true path again. You really need to let this go but certainly revisit once you've truly made real progress... not just a few sessions at it. Once you've rebuilt yourself back to your former glory and you are happy with who you are and what you've accomplish... then and only then can you think about getting in touch with him. Trust me... a good time apart and a well thought out card with simply your named signed to it goes very very far. There doesn't have to be any big BUMP into or elaborate plans for coffee. But, enough of that for now... get through your issues before diving back in! Hugs and Good Luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 Thank you Catsmeoooooooooow =) I know you are 100%correct and dwelling on what could be will not help me progress. I just needed to hear it from someone else. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinnes Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 Now, you have to be there all the time-just for yourself. It will be very hard in the first period. Try to read some articles about healing after break up. You'll discover several phases you'll go trough. It is important to realize that your life depends only upon you. That your happyness comes from you, not from another person. Start working on yourself. Go step by step. It will be hard to get motivated, but just make plan and stick to it. No mather if you do not see the purpose in it at the moment. If it will be easier for you, let getting back with your ex be your motivation. Imagine yourself as preatier, better, haelthier within 6 months, gain patience and start from this moment. As soon as you go NC, you'll heal faster. Just let the time pass, use it for your own good and everything will be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoldFox3840 Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 Hey Cats Any thoughts on what the thought out card should say? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsMeeoow Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 Hey Cats Any thoughts on what the thought out card should say? Honestly - less is more here! The card should be thought out - meaning with them in mind. Let's say your ex has a rip roaring sense of humor. Then you pick out something funny. If not - then pick out something sincere BUT NOT sappy. Simply sign your name OR if you happen to know something of relevant info then 1 sentence to that fact "just wondering if you narrowed down your choices for graduate school, take care X". That's it. Do not make the mistake and write too much... no mystery factor there! Here's what I do know - Your card will be read... no matter how painful or crappy a breakup it was if there was a cooling off period they will always read your card. If your card was sincere and very brief they will think of you and the thought of the card very fondly. This however does not equate that they will contact you because of the card or want to get back together with you. So if you are in a good happy place and ready to initiate contact this is as good as any but realize you may not hear anything back for a long time if ever. THIS does not mean that they hate you or they thought the card was stupid or that you are lame. It just means they don't want to go back to that place in their life. But, the card will help them remember you in a positive light. Cats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 Thanks everyone. I wish I could honestly say I was making all these changes for myself but the reality is I am making them for myself AND with the thought of getting back together with him..... at least it's a start in the right direction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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