thouse Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 If I were to tell my ex that I was involved with someone so he will leave me alone. I have told him several times that I need NC, but he still calls me and if I don't call answer after a couple of days then he shows up at my house. He doesn't want me, but he doesn't want anyone else to have me either. He already thinks I have been dating someone (but I'm not) so what's the harm in saying that I'm in a relationship so you can't call? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I think you should get a restraining order. He has no right to continually call you or to come to your house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Censored Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 The harm could be his reaction in you telling him this. How do you think he would react to you saying something like this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 he's not a stalker, we have been friends almost our whole lives so he feels going NC is a bit extreme. He also knows that I love him so he can get away with this crap. He feels like since I'm not in a relationship there shouldn't be anything wrong with us talking, but I feel like I need time away from the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 He doesn't respect your choice for NC, do you really think he will respect your relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 The harm could be his reaction in you telling him this. How do you think he would react to you saying something like this? I don't really care about his reaction. He broke up with me so that is irrelevant. He's not violent or anything. His ego will probably be hurt, but atleast I will get what I need. It's either this or change my number. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 He doesn't respect your choice for NC, do you really think he will respect your relationship? That's true he probably won't. Didn't think of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greensleeves Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Can you continue to ignore his calls and if he shows up at your house don't answer the door? He has to learn to respect your space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 Can you continue to ignore his calls and if he shows up at your house don't answer the door? He has to learn to respect your space. That's the part I'm weak at I can ignore his calls but when he shows up at my house I feel bad that he knows I'm in the house and I don't answer the door. I guess I was trying to find an easy way out, but yes you are right he has to learn how to respect my space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 That's the part I'm weak at I can ignore his calls but when he shows up at my house I feel bad that he knows I'm in the house and I don't answer the door. I guess I was trying to find an easy way out, but yes you are right he has to learn how to respect my space. If you told him a restraining order could be issued, it might make that definition of your space more clear. Maybe just mention it to him that if he doesn't act appropriately and respect your wishes on his own, you will have the police help him respect your choices. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythical_Suicide Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 he's not a stalker, we have been friends almost our whole lives so he feels going NC is a bit extreme. He also knows that I love him so he can get away with this crap. He feels like since I'm not in a relationship there shouldn't be anything wrong with us talking, but I feel like I need time away from the situation. He is being completely disrespectful to you and your wishes. Threaten him with a restraining order and if he continues coming around, put one on him. It's not even fair to yourself that you have to deal with this guy being a freak and the fact that he continues calling and showing up even though you say you need space proves that he is capable of doing anything. You say he isn't violent but you don't know that for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 He is being completely disrespectful to you and your wishes. Threaten him with a restraining order and if he continues coming around, put one on him. It's not even fair to yourself that you have to deal with this guy being a freak and the fact that he continues calling and showing up even though you say you need space proves that he is capable of doing anything. You say he isn't violent but you don't know that for sure. He's not violent I've known him all my life. He is just very used to getting his way and doing what he wants to do when it comes to me. I am trying to put my foot down and he is challenging me every step of the way. Kind of like a child when you set boundaries. He has to learn that there are consequences to his actions. He broke up with me so the consequence is a life without me in it. He pulls the friend card because he knows I will feel guilty and give in and talk to him. He doesn't want to let me go for his own selfish reasons. I guess I will just have to be stronger and not take his calls, and if and when he shows up just not answer the door. Sooner or later he will get the message it's just a shame that after all this time it has come to this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greensleeves Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Don't feel bad about not answering the door...he shouldn't just be dropping over. He split up with you...he can't have you in that way anymore. You shouldn't have to lie to him about seeing someone else in order for him to respect your boundaries. He WILL get the message after a couple of times. Be strong and force him to respect that you are now on a new path. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nurseman Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Tell him you're seeing me. I'll back you up. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I would not suggest lying to him about something like that because if you do, he may blab it around and then everyone will be asking you about your new boyfriend...then you will have to tell everyone that you were lying. It will just make you look bad. You have to be firm and consistent with him about your desire to be left alone. He will eventually get the message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lana0120 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I've read your posts before. He's harassing you. I think you should ask him politely, to leave you alone, and if he doesn't respond, tell him you're going to get a restraining order. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 I would not suggest lying to him about something like that because if you do, he may blab it around and then everyone will be asking you about your new boyfriend...then you will have to tell everyone that you were lying. It will just make you look bad. You have to be firm and consistent with him about your desire to be left alone. He will eventually get the message. Your right CAD, It would look bad if everyone found out I was lying, and he would blab it because he's so close to my family he's around them more than I am. That's why he feels he can do this, and that's why he pulls the friend card with me, because we have been around each other for a longtime. As someone said above though I am just going to have to bite the bullet and really put my foot down. I am normally very aggressive by nature, but I just don't want to be mean to him as it would hurt his feelings, but I know that it is what needs to be done in order for me to move on completely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 Tell him you're seeing me. I'll back you up. lol. Thanks, I may take you up on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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